I was always attracted to girls,always fantasized about them and always wanted to sleep with them im a virgin with let's say severe social anxiety(believe me,my life where hell even before this) I guess i'm not really attracted to guys but i have that what if i am,i tried to tell to myself that i'm gay so the thoughts will finally go away and leave me alone but it does nothing,i still have these intrusive thoughts and i worry that i'm in denial,i tried to masturbate on guys but i can't get erection i tried to watch gay porn but it does nothing to me,i don't feel aroused.and then i'll watch a girl and will have erection.does hocd really exist?am i in denial?when i look at guys i always ask myself if i'm attracted to them and i just don't know the answer i'll get intrusive thoughts whenever i see a guy and i'll check for arousal,i really don't want to have sex with guys,if i'm in denial i rather stay in denial because i don't want to have sex with guys.should i go to a therapist about this?do i sound gay or is this just hocd?i had alot of fears in my life,i remember that i was scared of being attracted to kids it happend like 2 monthes ago but it lasted only couple of days,why this doesn't go away?why do i have to deal with this?should i go to a therapist?if he'll tell me im gay i wont be able to accept this i'll be suicidal,this is not my first thread on this forum. please guys,i need your help :icon_sad:
Homosexual OCD doesn't exist. But OCD does, and some people with OCD have, among other intrusive thoughts and obsessions, a fixation on their sexual orientation. You describing having intrusive thoughts and anxiety. So you should most definitely see a therapist and get a proper diagnosis, as it's clear that something is going on you need help with. As for whether you are straight or gay, I don't think you can get a really clear answer until you get the anxiety under control because it is going to interfere with your ability to clearly understand yourself. I will say that it doesn't obviously sound like there is much going on that looks like genuine attraction to men. But again, it's really hard to tell until you first get some of the anxiety feelings and behaviors under control.
I remember the first check i made,it was the most anxiety free check that i ever made i was 100% certain that i'm straight. I watched straight porn focused on the woman like i always do then i had to check,i switched to gay porn and i lost my erection.and i laughed at it,how the hell can someone be aroused by this?but then i had the urge to check again and again and again....i really hate watching gay porn/thinking about guys. i really hope that it's just ocd and nothing more,i always loved being straight and i don't want this to change. :icon_sad:
What you're describing sounds like an obsessive behavior. That aside, porn isn't a reliable way to determine sexual orientation. Try masturbating without porn, and thinking about women... then do the same, in a separate session, thinking about guys... then, in yet another session, let your mind wander without any conscious effort and see what it wanders to. Look at what creates the strongest sense of arousal and excitement... and that's usually a pretty accurate gauge of where your arousal lies. If you still find yourself obsessing, then it is likely there's at the very least some underlying anxiety, and possibly some obsessive behavior going on. There are a number of therapeutic approaches that are very helpful in treatment of obsessive traits as well as OCD (they are different). in any case, you should get some help as it will definitely ease your mind.
i tried masturbating thinking on guys and i got no erection and thinking about girls almost always give me erection ---------- Post added 9th Jul 2015 at 02:40 AM ---------- i just check again like you told me, reaching erection from thinking about guys is almost impossible for me,i'll be masturbating for minutes without any move down there. and then i thought about girls and i got erection,what do you think those this mean?
I think you have to stop thinking about sexuality in these stark black and white categories. Even if you were attracted to men and interested in having sex with them, you'd still not be gay IF you also are attracted to women to the extend that you'd want to have sex with them. Attraction to men does not invalidate your attraction to women, if you have it- & vice versa if you have a lot of attractions to women- it will not invalidate your attraction to men , were you to have it- it is called bisexuality & it exists. In other words, if you were to discover that you have attraction to men, it would not make your heterosexual side and interests vanish. Sexuality is not like a set of switches, where if you turn the same sex attraction switch- it will automatically make the heterosexual switch be turned off. Both can exists at the same time, and are not mutually exclusive. Gay people are gay, not only because they are attracted to the same sex, but also because they are not attracted to the opposite sex. A lot of us, if we are in deep denial of being gay, are attracted to *some* degree to the opposite sex- because this is what is expected of us- but the cue is the fact is that in those attractions something feels 'off'- it can feel like we are 'trying' to be attracted to somebody, because we objectively recognise the person is good looking, or we like their company & think that because of this we are sexually attracted to them, etc., but in most cases genuine sexual attraction is not felt for the opposite sex- but only for the same sex. A lot of gay people who realised they are gay later, were questioning because something profound and important felt missing from straight relationships & sex. To me it looks like your social anxiety has made you feel inadequate in some ways, maybe sexually as well- and because of this you question your sexuality. From what you said you could be either completely straight OR bisexual and in deep denial-either way I think the issues you have with your sexuality might be motivated by other psychological issues. I feel like this is really beyond the scope of people, including myself ,giving you advice on this, and maybe talking to a therapist would help.
I agree with Chip and LooseMoose. I think therapy, and working on your OCD will help you see things clearer in future. Like LooseMoose said, it sounds likely you're either straight or you might be bi/curious. If it's the latter, that's probably more clearly seen when the anxiety is not in the way! Hope you're doing fine! It's good that you're venting, and I hope you understand that giving advice is hard. x
After reading your comments you'll made me spike,i was always attracted to women,never men. this is probably what my orientation is,i'll probably go to a therapist to deal with the intrusive thoughts and that damn fear of turning gay/denial,i know for myself that i always prefferd women over men and it probably wont change,thank you'll for trying to help but i think i may stop reading on this forum all the time i read stories about peoplr turning gay and liking guys and this just not me,it's not my story and it's just making me feel even worse.i'm certain that i have ocd,when i was a child i had alot of compulsive to ease anxiety,i felt like i have to blink 3 times so my parents wont die it was horible.:icon_sad:
It's pretty clear from what you've described taht what you're dealing with is an anxiety/obsessive issue. I don't see anything that indicates an attraction to men.
