Hello! I am freaking out and I need help. I am a 24, so far “straight” female, and am/have been seriously considering my sexual orientation for a while. Only problem is, I seem to have a serious conflict, I need to know if other lesbians/bi feel the same (so maybe im gay?) or not (so then im not gay?) The facts: I get very, very sexually aroused by women. Sounds gay so far right? Read along! But never have been emotionally attracted to any women. I can’t even imagine it happening because I don’t like women that way. Instead, I am massively romantically attracted to men. I fall in love with men all the time, and develop crushes so easily and naturally and then obsess over them. All of my romantic attractions, my entire 24 years of life, have been towards men. But my sexual attract on the other hand, seems more geared towards women. Ever since maybe 12, I found the naked female body extremely hot, and would get aroused since then. So at around 14, I freaked out and thought maybe I was a lesbian and was freaking out, while at the exact same time, falling in love deeply with my first boyfriend. As long as I can remember, all my crushes/interests have been boys and I get crushes a lot, since I was 6. For the next 10 years (from 14-24), the pattern has been the same: I am sexually aroused almost exclusively by women, but romantically/emotionally attracted exclusively to men. There is one exception to the sexual arousal: when I first begin to like a guy, I want to have sex with him like crazy. But afterwards, those feelings kinda fade away and I want to make love to the guy (instead of just raw sex.) There’s also an important detail about the sexual arousal by women: it’s never a specific woman, it’s always in the abstract. Like, I’ve never wanted to have sex with a girl I actually know or see down the street, it’s always a fantasy like porn, with 5 hot women pleasing each other and it gets me so aroused. With guys on the other hand, I wanna have sex with specific men (that is, men I know) and when I fantasize about them, it’s about men I know and like/have a crush on/am in love with instead of a random with 5 random guys (a fantasize i never have.) For masturbation, a lot of my fantasies are with women, but even in my fantasies I never kiss them or touch them (I don’t have the slighest urge to do that either.) It’s just raw, nasty sex. Like oral sex and scissoring look delicious to me, and I really wanna try them even though I never have. I get aroused just thinking about it. But kissing a girl? Or touching her skin in a loving manner? To me, that’s gross. I can’t even imagine wanting that. But for a guy? For a guy I fantasizing making love with him, its just that these fantasies happen a lot less frequently because I have to really like the guy. Right now, I have a boyfriend for the past four years and another guy I’ve had an obssessive crush on for the past year. I want to have sex with that crush guy so bad, but not too much with my boyfriend. At the same time, I have all these sexual fantasies with women. I am super confused. Am I just obssessing? Am I gay/bi/lesbian but in denial? Am I just horny? Im so confused and anxious and cant stop thinking about it in loops. This confusion is taking over my life. P.S- One final detail, when I think about labeling myself “bi” or “lesbian” neither sound accurate because they imply I want to date a girl, which is not true at all. But I do wanna have sex with a girl or even better, with a group of hot girls like in an orgy.
I can relate to this. You see, romantic orientation and sexual orientation do not always match up. It's helpful when they do, but they don't for some of us. You sound exclusively heteromantic, perhaps homosexual/ bisexual (bisexual seems like the case since you've experienced sexual feelings toward men.) Just try not to label yourself, experiment, and live life.
Im sexually into men and romantically not, so im opposite to you; I´d say that decisive is your sexual attraction because its about sexual orientation; most of questioning people have it like you before they are fully gay but thats just my guess and i may be completely wrong
Have you been diagnosed with OCD? If you were to experience HOCD you would have other symptoms/obsessions separate from sexual orientation. It would be best to speak to a therapist/psychologist for diagnosis. In the general sense, obsessions can cloud your thinking. I would think that masturbation is a good indicator on what turns you on, and I'm not saying what turns you on through a computer screen (aka porn). If you've been masturbating to women and found yourself attracted to women in real life, then you without a doubt have attractions to women. I'm not saying your gay/bi, but sorting out your attractions without a label is a good start. You seem to be romantically attracted to guys as well, so there's that. From the information you provided, it sounds like you are attracted to both genders, and in that case bisexual would fit best. However, labels are for your decide, not me, so take my post with a grain of salt. I would say that I'm mostly gay or bisexual, because my attractions fluctuate a lot. Sometimes it feels right, sometimes it doesn't.
