Hey guys, I need some opinions/advice I'm a 21 year old cisgender female. Growing up, I lived in an extremely religious home and was sheltered and always taught that anything to do with sexuality or pleasure, be it gay or straight, was wrong unless you were married. Almost 2 years ago, I abandoned the church and have been free at last to go on a crazy journey of self discovery, and part of that is why I am here... In the past year, I've slowly started to notice myself being attracted (to some degree) to women, which had never really occurred to me before. Recently, memories have come back to me from when I was young (probably around puberty age or a bit older) of me having sexual impulses to do things with women, bu I was afraid of them and repressed them, so I had forgotten about them until those memories were triggered. im an actor, and I've realized that I've felt empowered and have really related to characters that are different, and/or queer. I even included that I liked girls in an improv in class, it was just the first thing that popped into my head, but I thought nothing of it. But saying it felt strangely exhilarating and comfortable. In addition, almost all of my closest friends are queer. I seem to be drawn to them for general companionship. I am definitely attracted to men. I have dated men, I have loved men, men are cool. But lately I think I'm getting turned on by women... And I'm having the same kind of "floodgate" effect as some other people on here have had. I've also had experiences where I was with a man and had urges to do things to that man that you would only do with a woman. And in the past, I would say that I could never see myself having sex with or dating a women, but now I don't think I can say that anymore... What I'm really struggling with is the fact that I hear so many people who are gay say "I've always known I was gay". I didn't realize this until I was 20 or 21...Is that even possible?
I can't speak from personal experience, but I definitely know other people who didn't "find out" until your age and even older. I certainly didn't always know. I hit puberty at 11 and didn't have a single thought about other guys until I was around 15. It sort of happened the same exact way you describe, I started noticing other guys like I hadn't before, and when I looked back I realized that I'd had similar thoughts before and never let them become more than that. I also come from (or am in rather) an extremely religious family. I used to believe that stuff until ~2 years ago (interestingly right about when I started realizing I was bi). I think that has a lot to do with it. It's easier to ignore thoughts like that when you know that they'll condemn you to hell. So no, I don't think it's impossible, and regardless you shouldn't worry about it. How you feel is how you feel, and in the end that's all that matters. See how far those feelings towards other women take you, and don't worry about putting a label on yourself until you feel like you're comfortable with it!
I will be completely honest. Until I was 20 years old, I thought I was as straight as could be. What you have to realize is, and what most people fail to realize is that orientation is 0% Head and 100% Heart..... well 50% heart and 50% junk.... Still though... you know what I mean. To tell you the truth, I didn't even consider being gay until a girl asked me out. I almost said no before I realized that I really wanted to say yes. Being gay, or Bi isn't some philosophical question of whether you are or you aren't, it's what you feel. Just assume your bi, let yourself be open to the possibility of dating both men and women, and if you look back and find that you've only chased men, than you'll have you're answer. You could also take the porn test. Watch lesbian porn, and ask yourself, "would I WANT to do this to a girl?" It's not a 100% accurate, but it might give you an idea of where you stand ^)^
Not so sure about this bit. Speaking for myself, I don't enjoy "traditional gay porn" at all. I find it pretty gross and quite a turnoff. Yet I am totally attracted to guys and find myself having sexual fantasies about them. Porn doesn't mean anything.
It's not 100% accurate, but it does help some people determine where they stand. It's not so much a matter of watching it and asking "Do I get turned on" so much as it is looking at it and asking "Could I do this with someone."
I think a more effective method (for me at least) would be to imagine them lying on a bed infront of you and asking your self "what would I want to do?"
Porn or no... ^_^ Mental experiments are good. I mean, just a vanilla masturbation session where your fantasy revolves around a girl (or two or three for that matter!) can help you see if it gets you off. It it does, that's a clue and a piece of the puzzle You have queer friends, you say? Well, I suggest talk to them! Ask them their experiences and how they came to realize that heteronormativity was just toying with them. (ehm... I might mention the last time I came out to someone I ended up going down on him....... lol! Not that I'm saying that's going to happen but... just thought I'd write that here... lol) And yeah, just take an oath to your happiness that you will be as honest with yourself as you can be! Whether you're straight, bi, bi leaning straight or bi leaning gay, whichever, your happiness deserves to know, and it will in time (*hug*)
