In my day to day life I have never felt serious romantic attraction to a man. Though to be fair I don't feel deep feelings for any one to often, but it does happen. I've felt sexual attraction towards women quite regularly and occasionally for men. But when it comes to relationships in TV, movies, and media I completely identify with straight relationships, but I think I'm identifying with the man and putting myself in his shoes. In portrayals of lesbian relationships I'm engaged but not as much as the straight relationships. I never identify with male homosexual relationships but I'm never made uncomfortable by them. But portrayals of lesbian relationships have always bothered me, ALOT. Before I really realized my attraction to women I would always change the channel or purposely avoid movies with lesbian characters for fear that it would "turn" me. I think the reason lesbian relationships in the media always made me so uncomfortable was because I deep down knew I had feelings for girls. It still makes me uncomfortable sometimes but I think its because I still have alot of internalized homophobia and I'm not really out. Can anyone relate?
Honestly, I can definitely relate to the lesbian portrayals making you uncomfortable, and this is something that I am still dealing with/figuring out. I enjoy lesbian porn, and certain lesbian portrayals, but oftentimes I find myself cringing or feeling really weird about it. I think a lot of it stems from a kind of fear - I don't want to see something I might never be able to have. I also really dislike the spin that many lesbian couples are portrayed as - they are often still a tool for men. This bothers me immensely. Like they will have a lesbian couple and instead of giving like a meaningful kiss it'll be this really drawn out, sexual thing, which always made me uncomfortable. It's like they are implying lesbians only do the sex part, and their relationships are purely physical. I also would avoid films or scenes involving lesbians cause I was like "I'm gross if I like this" kind of feeling. It's a complicated issue that I'm still wading through, but I'd like to think I'm getting better at accepting myself and my sexuality, which is helping me. I hope this was useful!
Absolutely. All these lesbian portrayals constantly focus on the fact that their lesbians and neglect the deeper underpinnings of their relationship. It makes me feel like my identity is being trivialized and turned into a label rather than a person. The thing is I don't feel gay. I feel like a person. Yes, its true that I am attracted to people of my own sex. But, for so long I didn't think that I was a lesbian or that could be because, it always felt so natural and so spontaneous and for my entire life I had been taught to view homosexuality as an unnatural perversion.
I can absolutely see where you would think that/develop that perception. It is odd how little I see people or even lesbians standing up for themselves in this regard - one of the first times I really questioned my sexuality was when an ex boyfriend of mine (while I was dating him) said that he found lesbians "hot", and I immediately felt sick to my stomach. Imagining a life with a woman (in ALL areas, not just sex) was very real and possible for me, and the idea of being out and about with my girlfriend and having some dude objectify and get off on us kissing in public or something really disheartened me. I very much envision a future with a woman and I hate to think that such a large portion of the individuals that "accept" lesbians are men who think they are hot. It's not just a label for me or a word synonymous for "sex with ladies"; it's a deep and personal feeling that not only the body but the spirit of a woman is something I want to interconnect with.
I completely agree. When it comes to the lesbian label, for me its much more about the emotional, spiritual connection more than the sexual one. Though sexuality is certainly apart of it. But, when I came to identify with the label it was more so about who could I see myself spending the rest of my life with and for men just had never really intrigued me in that way. Seeing lesbian relationships trivialized into friends who sometimes have sex, is very disheartening. Honestly, I think a big part of why I still have some confusion over my orientation is because of a lack of accurate representation in the media and in my every day life.
