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Kind of a huge lesbian, but also not ??

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Figure8, Jul 11, 2015.

  1. Figure8

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    Hi so I'm 16 years old. I'm definitely sexually attracted to girls but I don't know if I can fall in love with one. The thing is, I think I have an idealistic view of what love is because I always imagined falling in love with a man, but I'm not sexually attracted to men. I thought I had my life figured out, that I was going to marry a man, but then getting crushed on girls made me feel like I was betraying who I was supposed to be.

    I've had romantic crushes on guys before but they were never sexual...I think men's hands and backs are nice looking, that's about it. I love girls though. Every part of them. I've had 2 major crushes on girls, one who I still really like and I still get nervous around her. But that might just be my social anxiety.

    I guess I'm asking what love feels like. I don't know if I can spend my life with a woman, even though I'm attracted to them. I can imagine Love with a man idealistically, even though I'm not sexually attracted to men.i'm just not sure anymore and I need some help. Thank you.
     
  2. fxngirl

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    Okay so if I got this right, you're sexually attracted to girls and you had two major crushes on girls, whereas you find guys good looking but you're not attracted to them and you've never fallen for one. To me it sounds like you're a lesbian :slight_smile: but I can't tell you what you are.
     
  3. Invidia

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    Like fxngirl said^ you sound like a lesbian, I think!

    But also, it might be that you discover i future that you like others than women, such as men and/or non-binary people, in which case maybe biromantic/panromantic homosexual would be fitting... Time will tell!

    I repeat though, you sound like a lesbian to me :slight_smile:
     
  4. Figure8

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    Thank you for your replies. I'm just not sure because I don't think I can fall in love with a woman. Imagining it in my head doesn't feel natural to me. However I can be romantically attracted to men. It's like hetero romantic homosexual or something?? :frowning2:
     
  5. scouse

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    Everyone's different of course, but in my experience love develops as you get close to someone, not from a distance. The fact you can feel it romantically with men could be due to the way we're brought up? You know, to think that it's inevitable, when it isn't. I remember grieving for the supposed straight life I'd grown up expecting and later realised that was part of me coming to terms with who I am. Just something to consider. If there is something romantically there for men, then I'd guess you'll confirm that in time as relationships develop. The same goes for falling for a woman.
     
  6. blueshadedsoul

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    You could be heteroromantic homosexual. But when you had crushes on girls how did you exactly feel about them? even if you weren't ''in love'' were you emotionally attracted?
     
  7. Figure8

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    Yes, I was emotionally attached to the girls and they meant a lot to me, but I felt too nervous to even talk to them...but with guys I don't get nervous, it just feels natural. Like it's how it's supposed to be.
     
  8. Miss PH fan

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    I honestly think you should take it easy. You're only 16! Not everybody falls in love at a young age... I was extremely slow in discovering my own sexuality: didn't fall in love (with a man or a woman) until I was 19. I'm not saying this is your case as well, but you definitely should avoid feeling anxious as whether you're gay/straight/bisexual, etc.
    That said, I'm a lesbian and I always felt so comfortable around men, it was so easy to talk with them, dance with them, etc., but I never fell in love with my male friends when I was a teenager (I've never been in love with a guy). Then, I realized it was women the ones who made me nervous, it was not that easy to talk to them: they always made me feel self conscious. It hit me one day that I was gay, and that was the reason why I felt that way around women.
    I'm only sharing my experience so you consider that talking to men and feeling confortable doesn't necessary mean you are attracted to them.
     
  9. TinyGuitarPlaye

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    It could be that your still internally hoping that your strieght, which is something that I think most people want at first or for a while, because they've always pictured themselves marrying the oppisate gender and that this is new territory. That or your could just simply be something other than lesbian. Hope this helps :slight_smile:
     
  10. Etak

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    I had the exact same problem. For me, it was a confusing combination of a lot of things. I had grown up assuming that I would marry a man, so looking at women in a romantic sense seemed unnatural and weird. Since heterosexual romance is so widely depicted, that traditional idea of love penetrates your brain and sets expectations what may not be best for you.

    Also, since the media and everything around us pushes these ideas of how you "should" feel or act. Examples include that when a girl reaches a certain age, she should be interested in boys, and that it's normal for a girl to have a BFF. I had completely confused what romantic attraction vs. friendship attraction was in my mind, because I was trying to make my world fit into the little heterosexual box. It turned out that the feelings I had for other girls that I brushed off as being the normal "BFF" feelings were actually me being attracted to other girls, and the feelings for boys that I had labeled as romantic in nature were not. This effortless closeness you feel with guys might be because you tend to relate better to guys, or maybe you have a really close friend that is a guy, or something. But what I'm saying is that with the amount of pressure that outside world puts on someone to be "normal" (straight), it's common to mix up romantic/ friendship attraction.

    I hope this helps. Sorry I was so ramble-y.
     
  11. Figure8

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    Thank you all for your replies! I think I'm going to hold off of labels at the moment and see where my attractions take me.
     
  12. Fallingdown7

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    This situation (sex but not love) is actually VERY common for gay people when they first come out. It happens because society stigmatized same sex relationships for a long time (to the point they were even illegal or could get you killed, specifically gay men though) and the only way gay people got relief was secret casual sex encounters. So a lot of gay people will only feel sexual attraction at first because of the internalized pressure that romance "doesn't feel right".
     
  13. sunshinebi

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    I'm not quite sure if it's my place to say this but honestly, you seem like a very confused bisexual. And yet at the same time you couldn't be because you have romantic feelings for one gender and sexual for another. But anyway I agree with your feelings that a romantic same sex relationship just seems strange because of whatever preconceived ideas we possess. Even though I'm undeniably bi, I'm not so sure I could pull off a romantic relationship with another guy. I'm certainly attracted to them but the emotional side of that connection is not the same as with a girl.

    When all is said and done love is still what you make it. Boy or girl. I absolutely agree with scouse in the sense that you will probably just have to tell by your feelings towards that individual, regardless of gender. So whether you're lesbian or remain undecided, I wish ya luck. :thumbsup: