straight but likes sex with men

You sound like you are your orientation here, bi-curious That or bisexual heteroromantic works fine!

 

It may be that you're not letting yourself be romantically attracted to men. Could that be a possibility?

In order to determine whether it could play a role, you might want to answer these questions for yourself (you don't need to answer them here if you don't want to):
1. Do you feel ashamed/embarrassed about liking guys sexually?
2. Do you feel that you should be straight? As in, do you feel you shouldn't like guys sexually?

Give it some time and try to answer these questions honestly for yourself. =)

Cheers and good luck,


Quem

 

I think sexuality is fluid. People like who they like, and there should be no need for labels.

Romantic attraction is probably even less likely to be static. Maybe the reason you don't feel an emotional connection to guys is you're still not yet comfortable with that. Or it could just be a genuine preference.. Only time will tell.

Personally, I'd find it immesurably easier to get emotionally intimate with guys, because we could easily relate to each other as a consequence of both of us being guys. Not to mention I would not feel obligated to act masculine, strong or stoic all the time and enjoy a degree of emotional support without coming off as weak or unreliable.

As for most of your fantasies being about guys, maybe that's because male / male relationships are taboo. Or you may simply be feeling a greater amount of sexual desire for guys than females.

 

Why would you feel that way? Unless you are a religious person who believes homosexuality is a sin, there is absolutely no reason to think of it as something "wrong".

I'd say You Live Only Once, but I don't believe that so I'll just say maybe you should accept your desires and enjoy yourself. Only religious people have to concern themselves with "right" and "wrong" regarding homosexuality.

 

"Not a big religious person" tells me you are at least a little bit religious. If that's true, you could try to make a decision regarding this issue instead of feeling conflicted. You could either abandon religion completely, you can only try to stop thinking of homosexuality as something "wrong" or "sinful", or you can abandon homosexuality itself.

Any choice is better than none.

I used to be religious myself, until I discovered a website called Law of One. I still believe in the Creator, but I no longer believe in wrong, "unnatural" or sinful acts. I no longer feel guilty for my previously forbidden "homosexual lust". If you want to have sex with guys, maybe you should just accept that part of yourself instead of trying to supress it.

"Nothing shall be overcome"

 

There is a phrase I found on this forum, which is "internalized homophobia"

There is still an immense amount of religious or irrational contempt directed at "sexual deviants". I don't know if that is ever going to change, but maybe your problem is that you have internalized some of that contempt toward homosexuality. As for the solution, I think it simply boils down to self-acceptance.

 

I second this. It is all too common.

Try to imagine you're looking at a bisexual/bi-curious man. You have no ill will toward him. Then imagine him changing shape into you.

"Treat others as you would want to be treated" can go both ways - "Treat yourself as well as you would treat someone in a similar position, and be good to yourself."

 

I am also the only person who can carry on my family name, something which I could not care any less about. Possibly with the exception of rich and royal families, I can hardly think of something that is as profoundly meaningless as "family name".

My parents don't feel the same way. Let alone my sexual "deviances", they don't even know that I have abandoned their religion almost a year ago.

 

Yup, I can relate to that *sigh*.... I'm not as worried about the family name part as the having kids part though. :dry:

 

Parents have a tendency to force, guilt and shame their offspring into doing what they want. For the sake of their children ( ! ), of course.

I've been slowly realizing that my family does not really have my best interests in mind. They may think that they do, but it's not even close.

 

I get that a lot, but now I just focus on making myself happy. I don't live by my family members standards just to make them happy. My happiness is important as well, so as selfish as it may sound, it's my life and I wish to live it the way I want it.

You could identify as straight with homoerotic tendencies, bicurious, or bisexual! But try not to think of labels as boxes, but rather a position on the sexuality continuum.