I saw in another post the best indicators of your orientation are the beach test as well as your fantasies when you let your mind go uninhibited. As for the beach test, I look at girls more, but do you think it's possible social conditioning makes that so? And as for my fantasies, they literally switch from men to women to men to women, and sometimes include both men and women. Sometimes my response is much greater to women, sometimes to men. I'm really starting to debate if I'm bisexual and should come out as such. However, I think there is a part of me that still has some internalized black-and-white thinking that you're either gay or straight, and bisexual men are just in denial. And since I have some of these internalized thoughts, I don't think it's unreasonable to think a gay guy or straight/bi girl would have these thoughts as well, and think it too risky to date me. This is why I want to be sure of what I am, so I can let a potential partner know up front and not end up wasting mine and their time. So how did you know you were bisexual and not just gay in denial? If you truly thought you were bisexual for a time, then later went on to identify as gay, where there any clues looking back that you realized you should have interpreted differently? Or, because I wouldn't want to hurt a gay man either, did anyone think they were bi or gay only to find out you weren't? Because although I've been with men, I don't really find their bodies attractive, nor do I have as much romantic interest. Sometimes I wonder if it's an odd mix of penis insecurity, power dynamics, ease, and the taboo factor that drives me to have sex with men. I appreciate you guys reading this, and any help would be greatly appreciated
I'm gay, not bi, but I suppose I can add a little comparison between how I view some of the situations you brought up. To be honest, I would look at both guys and girls just out of curiosity. I wouldn't feel any physical attraction if I saw the girl in a bikini or on a nude beach though, whereas a guy in trunks or on a nude beach would be a turn on. I can't say that I sexually fantasize about women at all. When I was much younger, yes, but that could have been social conditioning, like you mentioned earlier. Any fantasies that I can remember at this point only involve men. Well, not being bisexual, I'm not sure I'm the most qualified to give advice, but from what I've gathered on EC, this type of a decision is something that only you can make. If you feel attracted to both men and women sexually more than a little (i.e. 60/40, 50/50), then you might be bi. As others have mentioned though, sexuality is not necessarily an all or nothing or static decision. It can be fluid and it is more of a position on spectrum that can change.
Appreciate you taking the time to reply man. That's interesting to hear about how your fantasies seem to be exclusively about men, unfortunately I don't have many gay friends to ask these types of questions, but you don't even have the occasional female fantasy? In your experience, if you have gay friends you've talked about this with as well, do they also tell a similar story about not once fancying a woman? Sorry, not trying to pry, just want to know what it's like to be gay, because maybe I am. Although when I compare my fantasies to yours, now it doesn't seem like it.
No problem at all. That's what we're all here for I do have great respect for females, but even when I have seen good looking women completely nude, it doesn't phase me. I check them out, yes, but no lead in the pencil, so to speak . Put in a similar situation with a good looking guy or someone who is my "type", I do get excited.
I mean, I'm still not entirely sure where I am on the Kinsey scale, but I pretty much knew I was bisexual when one day last summer I was really horny and only guys would satisfy. After that it was just figuring out where to go with that new insight. That was an interesting few months. So how it went for me was: 1. Realization -- first moment 2. Acceptance -- same day 3. Self-doubt -- next few months Let me expand on this one. I spent a lot of my time in previous years looking exclusively at females and avoiding any males at all. So my next question was "what if this was only a one-time thing?". So I went through several months of extensive data collection and experimentation (sorry about my humor) and confirmed that it was in fact not just a "one-time thing". NOTE THAT THERE IS BOTH SEXUAL AND ROMANTIC ATTRACTION. IF YOU WANT TO CUDDLE INSTEAD OF GOING SHEET-WRESTLING, THAT'S STILL ATTRACTION. 4. Re-acceptance So I have all the evidence of A: being attracted to females and B: being attracted to males. I couldn't really do anything with that until I got used to the idea. Getting used to it was by far the longest part for me, and since I spent my life thinking I was straight, it's still pretty big to be going "wow, I'm actually bisexual and that's really new to me". For the most part I'm used to it. But there are still moments where it catches me off guard. Disclaimer: thoughts and opinions subject to change, I'm friggin' 18, I definitely don't have all of my stuff figured out, and I can be wrong somewhere up there--my definition of romantic attraction looks a bit sketchy, to start
With the beach test, uhh I don't really notice people. I like looking at the waves or the dogs :lol: As for fantasies, I used to have fantasies sometimes about threesomes with a guy and another girl and sometimes just another girl, but always just pegged that as me getting turned on by sex in general. I always knew there was a sexual attraction to women but kind of just didn't acknowledge it. It wasn't until I was watching Orange is the New Black and saw a relationship between girls that I thought "I WANT THAT!!" Then came questioning. Then denial. Then testing (Looking at women, letting myself notice them, seeing if I could see myself with them.) Then denial again. Then acceptance. I had always only looked at guys really. Thinking back on it now, there were times where I'd be looking at an attractive girl and then think "Stop looking you weirdo, you're straight". I think social conditioning has something to do with it. I grew up with parents supportive of lgbt, but by the time I learned about same sex relationships I'd already accepted that I'd date men one day and just never questioned it. Sounds like you're bisexual, but it's probably best to take a bit of time to really figure it out. I feel like I have a preference for women now but I want to take a few months to be sure before I get out and try to date women.
Shane Dawnson's coming out. I could relate to him in so many ways. I denied my bisexuality because I thought that there was no way I liked more than one gender. I wish I was full on gay because it's just much more accepted. I knew I had attractions to guys, I just ignored it and didn't think it was anything important. Looking back, I was attracted to everyone because who they were as a person drew me closer to them. Of course there's sexual attraction as well.
Realizing that I was miserable from suppressing it. I was doing the exact same thing I did when I had crushes on girls. Eventually I grew sick of lying to myself, again.
Hmm, so souverian, do you find yourself longing to cuddle both sexes? I've thought about that (the romantic attraction) and I feel like I could cuddle either gender, but sometimes wonder if the longing to cuddle guys is more out of curiosity. I mean I've always given bro hugs, etc. and haven't felt much in the way of romance. Also, do you feel as if you need different "types" of romance from each sex? Sometimes I feel like it would be nice to have a guy cuddle and protect me, but it would also be nice to have a girl I could protect myself, who would also force me to stay on top of things in life (because girls generally expect more I feel like) (sorry). And bikate, I laughed at that because I feel like I could see myself doing that too lol. But to pick your brain a little more, when you let yourself start noticing women, did you notice more of a "turned on" response when you made that conscious decision? Did your attraction to guys diminish at all for a period? And Jax, as for the being attracted based on who they are as a person, I'm starting to wonder if that's my thing as well. It seems to happen more with girls though, if I have a deep, intelligent and fun conversation with a girl she ends up on my mind for awhile. I guess maybe there is a part of me that even when I connect with a guy, still doesn't see him as a potential partner because if upbringing? Oh and I play too, I'll Dm you my summoner name if you wanna play one. XenaxGabby, so how do reconcile your attractions when dating? If you were to have a boyfriend, would you feel as if you were suppressing that side of you, or vice versa?
I've never actually dated anyone. But I imagine whomever I was dating, I would probably focus on the great things I had with that person rather than thinking about the things I was missing out on. If that makes any sense.
What made me accept that I'm bisexual was recognizing that I'm attracted to both men and women. There was nothing else to consider, really.
when i was talking to this guy and i felt my stomach drop. i was smiling ear to ear. i had just met him. it was a feeling i had never experienced before. he was smiling back at me. i felt weightless. he turned out to be straight so that sucked but the feeling. i will never forget. then i knew this gay crap wasn't going away and that i did like women but wow, i wanted to experience that feeling again. still do.
I think some of my need to cuddle with men is just because of stereotypes. I really don't know how I'd be around people really. I do feel differently about each sex, but not in any way I could easily explain.
I am somewhere in the gay end of the bisexual spectrum - but the reasons why I moved to identifying as gay from bi were as follows: - whilst I do have some emotional/ sensual attraction to guys - I never feel strong sexual attraction to them. Eg. I might feel "oh this guy looks nice and cuddly" I never feel the "oh wow, this guy is hot" response. I find male bodies "nice" at best, and sometimes even a bit off putting. - I don't feel like I can connect to guys sexually- the sex can be acceptable - but it simply was never in the realms of the romantic/sexual/erotic connection that I hoped to feel in a romantic relationship context- it just felt casual- and because of this I've just come to realise that guys are not really for me. - I've gradually moved from being able to fantasise about sex with guys- to just it becoming something I have no interest in anymore.
I would say that you're bisexual with a preference for women. Bisexual men do indeed exist. Gay men who first identified as bisexual probably used it as a way to transition to being gay. But some men, including myself, are truly bisexual. I would be homosexual if I was ONLY attracted to men, which is not the case. Some bisexual men may have a stronger preference for men, but a stronger preference for one gender is different from exclusive attraction to one gender. They are not the same thing. I realized my bisexuality when I realized that I could see myself having a boyfriend. Besides that, I've felt sexual attraction to men before.
I'm still not entirely sure but I'm probably bisexual. I too internalize that kind of thinking and it's hard to deal with the self doubt because you kind of have that black and white thinking about you. I always think I'm straight or gay and I'm just very confused, even though there is a wide spectrum. Beach test for me is directed towards guys but I think it's because that's what I'm used to. I'm always afraid I'll unconsciously force myself to find a girl attractive to try to validate myself (it's very off ) Generally, I considered that I could be bi in my sophmore year of high school for one moment, out of nowhere. I couldn't dismiss it at all and I kepy thinking about it. I noticed I had an attraction to girls that felt very awkard at times, but was present nonetheless. I was always fearful part of me wanted to be gay so I conditioned myself to like girls, which does sound very messed up and unlikely, but who knows. My feelings grew until I had this huge crush on a girl like any big ol' crush I've ever had and I just concluded I was probably bi. It's bad though, because every since I gave up on my last crush, I haven't felt real attraction to anyone and it's been 6 months. I used to find people attractive all the time, in passing, on the street, whatever. I'm in limbo right now and I try not to think about it much.
It was a pretty long process. At first, I was still in a bit of denial for months. I kind of grew into accepting myself. I still was not sure until the whole "letting the mind go uninhibited thing" happened. One night, I just somehow magically lost all sense of inhibition in my thoughts about all matters of everything (not just sex related). That night, it was like I was in a different world in a sense. It all just made sense. Everything was just different somehow, it was a really powerful thing. Walking around town, it felt like this night was somehow entirely different than all the other times. Essentially, a walk in the park was no longer just a walk in the park. That night I was able to admit it to myself out loud in my room. After that I fully and 100% knew.
