Hello! I'm completely new to this and just looking for some support as I'm so sick of the same thoughts circling through my head and just want to know whether or not I'm searching for an answer I'll never find. Basically, like many others I've always identified as being straight. I had a couple of light same-sex experiences when I was quite young (8-9) with my still best mate that caused me some mental strain when I was in my teens. As far as I can remember I was 50/50 about it, didn't feel right, didn't feel wrong, all in all pretty meh and we used to find it really funny for some reason so I've dismissed that as nothing to important. I also have specific, mild OCD so naturally I thought it to be HOCD. I battled with it for a while (when I was about 16) before it eventually disintegrated as I just stopped caring. Now, after 5-6 years of not even thinking about it, its reared its ugly head after a bout of low confidence and esteem, the difference this time being I just accepted it and wondered if it was HOCD all along which killed all anxiety and the fear was gone. So now I'm left with sunstantial amount of confusion. My attractions seem to lie with both female and male however, I have never had any desire for a relationship with a dude, no yearning/crushing and i don't think I ever will. I've accepted that I'm attracted to guys and definitely not 100% straight (not sure if anyone really is?) but when I try to explore it, I find I have no interest in the male genitalia or masculinity at all, find it to be a massive turn off and I only tend to get fractionally aroused over feminine men and strictly my own pleasure. Also - the actual reality of same-sex sex does nothing for me, doesn't repulse me like but it's not very stimulating. My attraction to girls isn't in question, I'm just trying to work out my other side! I'm starting to think it may be the apparent "taboo" of it that does the job rather than the realIty, I've always got off to stuff I'd never do in real life, for example, nailing the poor chick at school that nobody else would ever dream of or women on the extreme larger side of life but in reality I've never actually wanted to and had no desire to follow the fantasy. I'm a very open minded person, never been homophobic and always been a little bi-curious. I don't know why I'm so desperate to find a label, but I'm so sick of going back and forth, just want to move on with my life as constantly checking, researching and thinking has killed my lebido. I have a cracking family/friends and it's 2015 so I would have no problem with coming out if I wasn't straight but anything I settle on, I find myself questioning an hour later. If anyone of any orientation has any advice or support it would be much appreciated! I guess I'm open to experimenting but it would have with a dude I completely trust. No desire for anything submissive either! Bi? Heteroromantic-Bi? Straight but not narrow? I haven't a clue! ---------- Post added 13th Jul 2015 at 07:14 AM ---------- I might add that curvy transgender women turn me on (until I look at the penis although I've tried to embrace it!), when I try attempt to fantasise about men there is no face, no particular body type and all this constant doubt is killing my attraction for both genders!
Hey, first off I wouldn't worry about it too much! Labels aren't very important in the long run, even if they feel that way. It wont change anything except maybe what people think of you if you tell them. From reading what you've said, I'd probably say heteroromantic bisexual, but in your case you might want to have a look at the Kinsey scale and see where you fit: I'd assume from what I read that you're around a 1 or 2. Good luck on your quest!
How about 'heteroflexible'? I think most people use 'straight but not narrow' to mean 'straight but not homophobic', which doesn't seem to be quite what you're after, while ... makes me think any flavor of 'bi' would be overstating your enthusiasm here. Something like 'Kinsey 1' might work, though, as Void Puppy suggests. Plus most people's fantasy life is broader in some way than their real world orientation + interests, so I wouldn't worry too much about that. Best of luck!
Aye, this is the reason the Kinsey scale exists. It was hard for me to figure out what I was interested in and what I wasn't, and tbh I still haven't figured it all out yet. It's also very frustrating when you don't have a label that you can cling to for comfort. If you can find any really broad label to shoehorn into and that's comforting to you while you search for specifics-- that could be of use to you. Eeh, it's really late here and I'm losing my mental faculties. Just know that I totally understand where you're coming from and that you're doing the right thing by looking around and asking questions. Hopefully someone else can provide a more coherent response than mine.
Thanks guys, much appreciated! I feel more at peace chatting with people who are in the same situation, my parents bless them try to understand and as far as I know my friends have never questioned their sexuality. I've never really been a proper hound for women like my friends, In fact I tend to have the same view on a vagina as I do a penis! I constantly find myself checking if I find anything attractive about everyone I see when before I didn't even think about it that much you know? I'm super happy I'm not depressed or anxious about it all anymore, now i just feel a bit lost. My biggest fear about my sexuality is committing to someone seriously and then breaking their heart because I'm the other way inclined, irrational I know haha! Some days I even feel like mix between Asexual and Hetero-bi! It's proper confusing finding a dude attractive, try to follow it up and feel nothing! I think maybe I just need to relax a bit to be honest, I'm scared to date anyone at the moment through fear of it being forced! I've done the Kinsey test a couple of times and it always seems to fluctuate between 0 and 3. Madness! Is sexuality fluidity a fact or just theory?
I think most people who are honest with themselves will say that sexual fluidity is certainly a thing. I don't think most people are ever truly locked down into their labeled boxes as much as they'd like to be.
I agree man, feel a sense pride and strength that I can be honest with myself and others! Who knows, I'm just gonna try and take it easy. If the right opportunity arises then we shall see! I've been hit on before by men and not taken the chance, not out of fear but lack of interest in that particular person. I hate thinking of the amount of pain that societies influence has caused people, I think whether you admit it or not that humans are still animalistic and just want to get themselves off! like I said, cheers lads, you've settled my mind for the time being!
