I'll try and keep this relatively succinct without omitting important details. Basically, I think I'm probably gay, but I'm genuinely unsure for a few reasons. I can remember being turned on by images of attractive men from an early age. The thing is, though, that this has never manifested itself in reality. I've never met another male in real life that I found myself sexually or romantically attracted to - it has, thus far, been purely fantasy. Conversely, I'm not sure if I've ever been aroused by images (or whatever) of attractive women, but I have had those feelings about some women in real life. I was quite a bit younger when this was the case, mind you, but I still suspect that may be significant. So, can anyone offer any advice based on this? Is bisexuality a possibility, or am I just in denial about my homosexual inclinations (which I'm fairly certain is part of me but am not sure it's the whole thing)? But if I am just gay, why did I ever have those feelings about girls I knew? Was it just a phase? I'm going through a very tough time in my life right now, for this and some other serious reasons, so any help is appreciated. Apologies if I haven't been clear enough about anything.
Hi, and welcome to EC. How long have you been exploring your sexuality? Nobody except you can say for certain what your orientation is, and if you have only recently started thinking about things then it can be hard to get a clear picture. In my case denial was very powerful and once I truly allowed myself to consider the possibility that I was gay, I started being attracted to a lot more guys in real life. One of the best pieces of advice I have read is to ask yourself where do your eyes get naturally drawn to when walking down a busy street? If you feel like talking about any of the issues in your life right now, there are plenty of people here who would be happy to listen and try and help. EC is a good place to vent, anonymously if you so wish. I hope I have helped in some way!
No apologies necessary - this is a confusing situation for you. Here, I can only confirm that you're not alone; I've felt like this too, especially regarding having feelings towards female friends. Like you, it was when I was younger that I had these feelings - probably 10 years old - but, for me, I've looked back and realised that I thought that was how I was meant to feel. I admired this girl's intelligence or another's kindness, but being new to the idea of puberty, I jumped to conclusions. I've only now found guys I'm attracted to (in real life) and for years I only seemed to 'appreciate' guys rather than feel attracted to them. I guess your social situation might stop you from finding men you are attracted to. I don't know if you are in the exact same situation as I was but I hope I can be of help.
I literally just made a post on what I think is a similar thing. I think that we are conditioned into liking the 'opposite' gender (that is; men are conditioned into liking women, and women are conditioned into liking men). This is particularly significant for you, a man, as women are very much sexualised and their appearance and attractiveness is a centrepiece in Western society. I think it's quite hard not to be affected by that. I was definitely eager to like boys when I was a kid - not because I didn't want to be gay, but because I wanted to fit in. It could be that you are concerned with male beauty on an aesthetic level and are (or were; that's perfectly legitimate) attracted to women. It could also be something else. You sound bisexual with a preference for women...or rather, you did, when you felt a liking towards women. It sounds as though you are fluctuating, and I think when you're conscious of your sexual preferences, they become hindered and less obvious? I feel as though you could comfortably identify as gay now. That might change later. I think labels are good for people that seek to concretise themselves, but the self is not always a concrete thing and there is no real permanent state of the self, so something being brief (a 'phase') does not devalue it. So don't feel you need to worry too much about the necessity of labelling yourself, although it might provide you with some comfort.
Hello everyone, Really sorry for the delay in replying but, as I said, I've had a lot on my plate recently. I think it likely I'll be more active on EC from now on. Thanks very much for those replies, they were indeed helpful. It seems I can identify with a lot of what's been said. These two statements stood out, in particular: "In my case denial was very powerful and once I truly allowed myself to consider the possibility that I was gay, I started being attracted to a lot more guys in real life." And: "I guess your social situation might stop you from finding men you are attracted to. I don't know if you are in the exact same situation as I was but I hope I can be of help." The latter, in particular, sounds like it may be a huge factor in my confusion and suppression. I come from quite possibly the worst place in 21st-century Britain to be gay, I knew absolutely no-one who was (openly) gay growing up and thus never took it seriously as a possibility, even though my fantasies have always heavily suggested it. That may be worth looking into. I may start a new thread to expand on particular aspects of all this and ask people about it. Once again, many thanks.
