This is my first post on this web-site, and I'd like to identify I'm not being rude or disrespectful to anyone. I'm a 17year old male, located at a only boys school and questioning my sexuality from Straight, Bisexual to Homosexual. It had basically started several years ago when I was curious of how homosexuals had sex, since I've always watched homosexual porn. However, I'm also engaged into watching straight porn. When looking at both a female and a male, I prefer both of them as they are both attractive but if I had to chose one it'd be the female as only particular men turn me on. I've been with many girls, and I've have had sexual intercourse before with a female but I've never done anything with a man, except once but I was under alcoholic influence. I've talked to homosexual guys before on social media and I enjoy it, but I always end out deleting them due to me freaking out and disliking homosexuals at a random point, I would have a 100% disliking guys and be like "why would I ever done that, guys are like f#cken disgusting. Women all the way." This also happens if I'm watching a homosexual video, and w#nking during it but when ejaculated, my full attraction towards men are gone and feel disgusted. If I was to be bisexual, how many people do you know that are bisexual and dating a female? Not many. I reckon that females are turned off if they find out a guy is bisexual, and wouldn't want to date them. During school, I'm also attracted to particular guys and think about them during class, wanting to hold them, kiss ect. Though I'm only attracted to younger men, or those who look very young as to women is vary of age. When I look at females I'm like "holly crap, going to bang that or die trying." Haha. But every time I think of having sex with a man it feels like it'd be great but I could not do with hairy men which puts me off hugely. And I do not see myself having a long-term relationship with a male, getting married and all. But I see that with a female, although I see myself dating a male and having a cute relationship. And another point, I can't see myself with any homosexual who has that gay image about him with the voice and smug look, no offence. I've always wanted to grow up having a incredible family, with a beautiful wife and children. However, me being homesexual? That ruins the image, but I don't want to lie to myself my entire life as that's what I already feel every single day, as if I'm lying. I've also felt horrible at times, resulting in thoughts of suicide or running away but never came to. Please help me, or give me wisdom.
I think you're either bisexual with a female preference, or biromantic heterosexual, meaning you can date guys or girls, but you only think sex with a girl is appealing.
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! The first thing I'd like to tell you is that you're not alone. Actually, your story isn't that uncommon. It does sound to me like you have a sexual attraction to both men and women. Sexuality is a funny thing: you don't have to be 100% straight or gay. Also, being 'bisexual' doesn't mean you have to be attracted to men and women equally - sometimes you can be attracted to one gender more than the other. Or only certain types of men/women - like what you're describing. This isn't actually true, the only bisexual people I know are quite happily with women partners. Perhaps some bisexual men feel worried about coming out publicly as bisexual, and that's the reason that you haven't heard of them. I can assure you that they do exist! I've heard that quite a lot, too! It may partly be down to the fact that that image is drummed into us from a young age. The image of a happy same-sex couple isn't something we're used to - whereas images of the 'traditional' family are everywhere. This doesn't mean that you can't have a happy family with a same-sex partner. It could be that society has influenced us into thinking that we can only achieve that future with the opposite sex - which isn't true. If it's any help, I would say that if you feel like you're attracted to women romantically and sexually that you don't sound like you're 100% homosexual to me. I would say that you were probably somewhere on the scale in-between 'straight' and 'gay'. I'd consider whether the 'bisexual' label might suit you. However, none of us can tell you what your sexuality is - ultimately it's up to you to think about what label (if any) best sums up how you feel. Just remember that you're still young, you're absolutely not the only person who feels like this, it's perfectly normal and you will be okay.
Thank-You, the both of you have helped me heaps and I'd like to say thanks and largely to Spartan 117. Do you think there is any point of coming out then, I do feel as if I'm lying to my self but I got to a male only school.
That's no problem at all! As for coming out, that's a personal decision. It is great to come out and feel like you can truly be yourself. However, bear in mind that this is still early days for you - you may want to come to terms with your sexuality for your own peace of mind, before making the big step of telling other people. Of course, if you think you're ready to tell someone, that's great. I just wouldn't want you to feel rushed at this stage, when you're still figuring things out. You should take this at your own pace. For what it's worth, I went to an all boys school too- a lot of guys came out as gay or bi in the last few years. The other boys took it quite well, surprisingly. They didn't care nearly as much as you'd think!
