I’ve considered myself bisexual since I was a young teen, but for the past year or so I’ve been wondering if I’m actually a lesbian. I’ve realized that 99% of what I thought was attraction to men was me wanting to be attractive to them (because of society’s expectations) and feeling anxious/self-objectifying/self-conscious when they check me out. Accepting my same-sex attraction has made me realize I'm much more into women than I thought when I was younger. I’ve been in a relationship with a man for two years and I’m trying to figure out whether I’m sexually attracted to him or not. I don’t feel any surface level physical attraction to men like I do women—I don’t find men’s bodies or genitals appealing, I don’t enjoy looking at them or think “damn!”—but I do think my bf is very cute in a non-sexual way. I do orgasm during sex and get turned on by genital stimulation, but sex makes me feel at least mildly bad/disgusted, something feels wrong about it, and there aren’t any “fireworks,” so we’ve stopped it for now. I don’t feel a “spark” when we kiss. I don’t feel turned on looking at his naked body; it actually makes me a little bit uncomfortable. I really enjoy cuddling with him, though. In general, I’m disgusted by thinking about having sex with men, and imagining sex with a woman seems like it could be nice (although I try not to imagine this stuff much because I want to be fair to my bf). I’ve never felt fireworks during a kiss or sex with guys, and I have no experience with women so I can’t compare those feelings. I think I may have felt butterflies seeing a random cute woman in public once, but that was a while ago so I'm not even sure anymore. I do enjoy looking at pics of cute women online. Is it possible that I'm gay even though I can orgasm from het sex (although it disgusts me)? How do I know if I love him as a best friend or a boyfriend? What does it sound like my orientation is, bi or lesbian? Anybody go through something similar?
you have to remember that sexuality is a spectrum and majority of people are not one hundred percent hetero or homo. There is a scale called the Kinsley scale it is 1 to 6, 6 being 100% homo 0 100% hetero 3 being equally attracted to both or all. To me you sound like a 5 but only you know how you feel... to me it sounds as if you are much more attracted to females then males and while you are attracted to males why not go for what you enjoy more and call yourself a full blown lesbian but again only you know who you are and no need or rush to put a lable on yourself
You're right, you don't sound interested in men at all- so lesbian for sure. The fact that you may or may not have feelings for your boyfriend can still happen because you've formed a friendly bond. It can hurt to lose someone we grow to care about even if no romantic attraction is there.
Hello Well, it seems you fall on the gay end of the spectrum. It doesn't necessarily matter that you haven't had experience with a female yet. In regards to your question, yes, it would be possible for you to orgasm to het sex even tho you don't like it because any physical stimulus that feels good/pleasurable can lead to it. If your attraction to him is more emotional or may be bordering on romantic/kinship and not physical, it hints that you might love him as a friend. Hope things clear out for you
The orgasms come from physical stimulation and not so much attraction. You could have a platonic friend type of love for your bf, and not so much sexual and romantic love
i was in a similar situation. down to the sex part of it all. my question to you is though, "can you stay with someone just by emotion?" sex is just a huge part of building an emotional connection so maybe that can answer your questions... Please know that only youu can answer these questions and you may already know what the answer is. and not wanting to acknowledge it is fine too. Take your time. Breathe, and just think about it with a clear mind. You can always come to this site for support.
Well, if you're sex-repulsed when it comes to the hetero stuff, I can relate! It's still possible to orgasm because of the physical stimulation, but if you aren't feeling that emotional intimacy otherwise, it sounds like you might be leaning towards girls. I feel the same exact way about guys. I've identified as a lesbian for a while now, but sometimes I still look at a boy's appearance or actions as being really cute. In the long run though, I'm pretty sure I'm only compatible with girls. I'd say try some experimenting, but don't feed into the labels so much. Focus on doing what you feel naturally; if you put too much thought into it, it can get even more confusing!
I'm somewhere between bi and gay, although probably Kinsey 4/5. If I had to tell people my orientation, I would tell them that I'm gay because it lets people know who I'm interested in in terms of dates.
