I'm 21 years old and I've been in 3 serious relationships with men. My first was when I was in high school and I don't usually count it, but I lose my v-card to him so I guess it counts. I was actually the one to insist on it, but it was meh, as most sexual experiences probably are at that age. My second was very soon after the first, and I was sure that I would die without him in my life. I felt as though no one could understand me like him (and to this day, he's still a very important friend to me). We had a nasty breakup and I immediately was drawn into a different relationship with a guy 8 years older than me. He was responsible and nonchalant and he ended up dumping a few girls for me. The sex was pretty good, but after we broke up, I slept with another guy and the sex was amazing. But then it gets weird. I have terrible depression, and my psychiatrist put me on fluoxetine, which he warned me would lower my libido. I've been off it for over a year and even though I got back with my ex and slept with him, I never really enjoyed it or initiated and eventually it just drove us apart. After we broke up, I never even felt a hint of regret, even though we had lived together for 3 years as a couple. Since then, I assumed I had just lost my sex drive. But toward the end of our relationship, I started thinking of my best friend. We take naps together on her bed between classes and we do yoga together and share our food and drinks and (as ashamed as I am to admit it) she has the greatest breasts in the world. We made out once and it was great but also alcohol-fueled and I wish I could remember it better. While my ex and I were breaking up, I jokingly mentioned that I'd just marry her and we'd be together. That was a while ago, but now I just keep wondering what it would be like. I've kind of realized that she's off limits and put my feelings aside, but now I have a fantasy girl in my head, where I imagine things we would do as a couple and things we would do together and it's so much better than any fantasy guy I can come up with. My first kiss was with a girl when I was just 7 or so, and I dated girls in middle school kind of as a fad that was going around, but one girl gave me her sweater and I always used to smell it and think of her (she had very distinct perfume) and I still have it to this day, almost 8 years later. I kissed her again in high school and it was amazing and much better than the other kisses I had, but I assumed it was because she was a better kisser (which she was). When I was in 10th or 11th grade, I got a terrible crush on my best friend and I never told her (we aren't close any more, but she's in my Uni and in a lot of my classes). But I had always told myself that I liked guys more, and girls could never get me off the same way. When I was 19, I had my first sexual experience with a girl roommate during a 3 way and it was terrible because she was so incredibly heterosexual (despite the fact we'd kissed before during parties). I started taking my medication a little after that. But now, I can't stop thinking about women. I used to think lady parts were disgusting and men were crazy for liking them, but now I think guy parts are repulsive! I'll fantasize about women I see in my classes or women I see at the beach and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I keep trying to think of a great sexual experience with some fantasy guy that would be every girl's dream, but it doesn't even compare to the thought of kissing a girl (and now it doesn't even spark). What's going on with me? Am I bisexual? Am I lesbian? Am I just curious? I feel like the world turned upside down. ---------- Post added 21st Jul 2015 at 03:48 AM ---------- OP here: Tl;Dr I was only into men sexual and had crushes on girls, but I got on and off antidepressants over a year ago but ever since, I find men to be revolting (romantically and sexually) and I find myself EXTREMELY sexual attracted to women (and I have a romantic crush on my bff). I know there's no need to label, but I'd like to know if I should try to pursue romantic relationships with women?
Hi. Welcome to EC. Sorry, I clicked away my entire response ._. I'll write down the gist of it. I find, when questioning, that it's important to check what you're sure of. 1) a) You have been romantically and sexually attracted to guys in the past b) You are not attracted to guys now 2) a) You have been romantically and sexually attracted to girls in the past b) You are attracted to girls now I guess it's best to act on what you're sure of Also, I hope you're okay with your depression. It sucks. hope that helps (*hug*)
