Well I'm here again, because I'm not sure... When I first asked you about this sexual orientation thing, you said that I shouldn't label myself, and I got used to it. But I still think this sexual orientation thing every day. I'm out to my closest friends as bisexual and pansexual mixed ( it's a long story why I told it to them in that way). The thing is that I have feelings for girls and boys. I also find FTM transgenders attractive (because I'm more into masculinity, I find butch lesbians and boyish girls more attractive, than the feminine looking girls. But I still can rarely fancy a girl with a long hair) Nowadays I fancy girls more than boys. And the weird thing here is, that if I see more lesbian movies or tv-series, I'm more likely to go for women. If I see more gay movies or tv-series, I'm more likely to go for men, but still in that situation I fancy more girls, but not so easily. The new thing in this is that I don't anymore get disgusted by thinking having sex with men (But still I somehow don't want it). I don't anymore get nervous when I think having sex with women. When I see "my type" looking man, I think he's attractive. When I see just typical hot looking woman, I think she's attractive, but sometimes that just feels so fake. I know that I can fancy a woman, but sometimes this all feels so fake. Sometimes it feels like that I'm making myself to see some woman attractive, but when I thought that thing through, it just probably that I'm not accepting this thing fully. I have also noticed that I have tried to become more masculine looking, but I'm really feminin(that explains the thing for masculine looking people). I have bought more masculine looking clothes. I have found myself from mens clothing section when I saw a t-shirt that I liked. I've noticed that I want to cut my hair short (I really want it), but still this sometimes feels fake, although I like those things a lot. When I think what my dream relationship would look like, I see myself laying on a bed with masculine looking woman (she can have a long hair too, but... Well, I think you know what I mean with "masculine look"), and we're cuddling. But although I'm feminin, I also have a masculine side. Once I thought about being in a relationship with a man, and I noticed that how can I even be in a relationship with a man, because I want to do some masculine things too (I had an example of that, but I don't remember it anymore). When I was little I always were the dad when we played 'house'(and when we played it I also kissed my bestfriend, because she was the mom, but we didn't know what gay means or that there is same sex couples, so we didn't tought it in that way), and I always wanted to play with the boy doll and I remember that I always wanted a radio-controlled racing car, but I never got it. And sorry for the long text (I don't know anymore how that text even relates to this XD) and another thing: I have fancied few transgender people (FTM) So here's the question: am I a pansexual although I'm just attracted to FTM transgenders, or am I just bisexual with preference for women and who is 'open minded'?
And I'm romantically attracted to women and slightly sexually (I'm kinda demisexual in that point, because I can be really attracted to a woman, but need to know a lot of her before I feel sexually attracted (so that means that I'm sexually attracted to women))... And I see some men attractive, but at the moment I don't feel that I'm romantically attracted nor sexually attracted to men (But I've fancied some boys when I was younger, but there is just one boy who I've been sexually attracted and 2 girls who I've been sexually attracted(+ I've fancied few boys, many girls and few transgender people)).
