I am pansexual. Ive got that down and have accepted myself. I am also a non-binary trans girl. I am only 15, and yet to go on HRT or anything. Yet I have this burning fear that in the future, eventually I do really hope I get SRS, and I try to date someone, they will treat me like a freak. I am afraid no girl will want to be with a girl that used to have a penis, and the same for guys. I do really hope that one day, I fall in love with a beautiful girl or maybe even a handsome man. But I feel like I will never find anyone that would acknowledge who I am versus who I was born as. Im just afraid no one will be comfortable with me. That no one will be able to fall in love with a freak. It is most likely years before I transition at all, but it is upsetting me a lot. Ive been really sad that no one will ever love me.
Hey, there are a lot of straight guys, gay girls, pan and bi people and just people of any sort who will like you for who you are. It's easy to feel like no one will like you - but for many, they don't even notice until you tell them, at which point they'll either go "Oh. Okay." and be fine with it, or be not nice about it. It's something trans people face. But especially after SRS (for MtF's at least, don't know much about FtM's), people generally don't mind as much.
If someone can't accept you for who you really are, then they're probably too boring for you anyway. Personally, I've had the most luck with introverted nerds/artists types of folks. The key is to explain the trans stuff and not make it seem like the worst thing in the world. In other words, you don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill, and people will respect your willpower. I used to often call myself a freak, and occasionally I still think "I'm a joke of a man." I think it's my internalised transphobia. This kind of stuff, isn't easy to unlearn, but it is possible. Oh, and don't put up with nonsense from someone that thinks they're oh so super kind to be willing to date a trans person. Someone should date you because they love you, not because they want an ego-trip. One of my exes was kind of abusive, so my inner "white knight" died a long time ago.
