Hello my name is Sierra and I'm a 25-year-old female. I was in a heterosexual relationship for eight years. The last three years of our relationship was more of a friendship. I didn't have any attraction to him at all and I never wanted to have sex, which I felt bad about. When he cut off his beautiful long brown gorgeous locks of hair that I made him grow out, I couldn't force myself to stay any longer. I always had felt that I actually just didn't like kissing or sex and that maybe it just wasn't something that I enjoyed. I'm a very feminine woman and enjoy girly stuff. So I concluded that he probably just wasn't the one. After leaving him I went on dates with many men who were really "attractive" and nice to me but I just never felt anything. I would make up a million excuses why it didn't work out and my friends thought I was just being a little too unreasonable. The last few encounters I had were so unsatisfying and borderline creepy feeling to me that I promised myself that I would never put myself through that again. I started noticing my tendency to gravitate towards women and have always had more of a close connection with my girlfriends and care about them much more than I've ever cared about a man. Picturing myself sharing my life and space with a woman just feels exciting and right. Picturing the same future with a man sounds scary and sad. Growing up my mom made it very clear that she is not accepting of lesbian behavior. She would always make comments about how the PDA they showed was inappropriate and why must they always hold hands? I felt guilty about finding other women attractive. I was under the false pretense that in order like women you had to be sort of mannish or be attracted to masculine women. I have been doing some soul searching and started to realize all the evidence that points towards my attraction for females. When chatting up a new lady I would get disappointed if she mentioned a boyfriend. I've also been mistaken as a lesbian in the past many many times by other women sending advances my way. My denial is so obvious to me now. My first kiss was even with a woman. With a lot of anxiety, I confessed these feelings to my best and dearest friend of 16 years (and first kiss). She giggled and told me she's been waiting for me to tell her. I am super relieved that she doesn't think of me any differently, especially because she's happily in a heterosexual relationship.. All of this weighted so heavy on me but now I feel a lot more liberated. The thought of being with and making love to a woman sounds amazing. But I've never even been on a date with one. Now how does it go from here? :eusa_doh:
It does sound to me like you are a lesbian. As for me, I once thought I liked boys, but I always liked feminine boys... I only 'crushed on' guys with long hair, who dressed more androgynously... The stereotypical masculine traits were totally unattractive to me. Therefore, I decided, at about eleven years old, I would marry a girly guy, and pretend that he was a girl. How oblivious of me! :lol: When I realized what girls made me feel, it was like nothing else... I couldn't believe what I'd been missing out on by pretending to like boys! Hugs for good luck? (*hug*)
Hi girls, I can relate to this, you both sound like me, I did not even realise I wasn't hetero until around age 30 but with very similar experiences to you two. I never have feelings for typical hetero male traits or manly men, I always tried but could never find any attraction for them. I've always like my guys feminine too, my first male crush even had long hair, but now I realise that I sometimes fancy women as well, and it's possible that my emotional attractions are more towards women than men.... the emotions are stronger...
Figuring it out can be difficult for some. Regardless, you should go at a pace that you are comfortable with, don't force yourself to come out to those that you feel you really don't need to explain it to. It really depends on how you want to live your life, though. I've never been to Hawaii before, so I don't really know the social climate there, is it rather open? Look up meet-ups and gay bars, if you're inclined towards that. Check out your local LGBT center for groups that you might be interested in. Look up lesbian youtubers, if you like youtube. Give it some more time and thought, it isn't like you have some deadline to make or something. Remember, Google is your friend(sometimes). Good luck to you! The whole trans thing is new to me(like a couple of years anyways) but my feelings for men is not. When I was younger, I thought that it was fear, for some odd reason. It's true that I still find men intimidating at times, it really isn't fear, most of the time anyways. It's been something that I've been slowly sorting out. I'm targeted a lot by boys at school(when I was going anyways), it was on a level of creepy/gross and I think that that was one reason that I figured that it might have been fear. True, I have had my crushes on the nicer guys, I still couldn't really sort it out. I still made friends with guys and everything, it wasn't like I was Androphobic or anything, I was just became cautious around certain guys. I guess a lot of people are like that though? I just can't imagine myself with a woman very well(though I haven't given it much consideration). After dating a few guys, it felt right, but that was when I was regarded as a woman. Even with some people that tended to think I was a lesbian because of the way I was dressed and behaved... Since figuring out the whole trans thing, I've become more confident towards men. I honestly have yet to date guys as a pre-T guy, though I would very much like that. Quite frankly, I don't think many(if any) guys would be interested in someone like me that live in my area, which is unfortunate. Still got my love for men, I doubt that's ever going to change(not that I really want it to though). It's been something that has been out-growing the fear over the years and I'm welcoming the change. I more often than not, repressed my feelings for others when I was younger, which has grown difficult for me to really express them when I feel them. A shame, really. My family tends to treat LGBT stuff and people as some far-away concept that exists in some far off land where unicorns and talking puppies exist. Sure they might know a guy or two that are gay, they are unicorns. They are some foreign concept, separated from themselves by so many degrees. That's just how I view it though. Whenever I might share something LGBT-related on facebook or bring it up in conversation, they're supportive. All of a sudden, when two guys/girls have some PDA it's shoving it in their faces(even though I'm all like, "but they are so cute together~!"). It makes me wonder how they would respond to someone like me? I'm only out to my mum(gender-wise anyways) and that reaction wasn't what I'd been hoping for. Coming out to my family will be a long process, both gender and sexuality-wise. It may not be the pace that I was hoping for, I know that there will be some that are more open towards it than others will be but I just need to make due with what I have.
