I hope I don't touch any nerves with this post. I identify as lesbian. I just came out to my family and even went to an group for LGBT people. But I met this really nice trans guy, and it made me question things. He was so sweet, so shy but the only one who's made the effort to make me comfortable. What if I was asked out by him? I don't think I ever will be, but it really made me question my own labels. I read online that I'd still be able to identify as a lesbian, which I do not want to change for personal reasons, but wouldn't that be offensive if I start saying "I'm a lesbian dating a trans guy" to the guy? What would happen to my 'label'? If they made me happy, then why do I feel so concerned over this? I would like a bit of advice, I'm new to the whole LGBT scene and I don't want to confuse my family or the trans community or even the lesbian community! Sorry if this is confusing.
This is something I question myself a lot, as a transguy, being pansexual, but mostly attracted to people with penises. There's these two words that you can use tho, without having to offend anybody-- androsexual and gynosexual. • Androsexual is the sexual attraction to people with penises. • Gynosexual is the sexual attraction to people with vaginas. So you can feel attracted to this transboy, without labeling yourself as a lesbian, and hurting the guy's feelings. Tho, sexuality is subjective, terms like these can really clear confusions. I hope this helps ♥
You haven't said anything wrong. Sexuality is fluid, even if you primarily identify as something I think it's natural to sometimes question the limits of that identity. (I'm occasionally attracted to people outside my sexual "label" as well.) One thing to be wary of is IF anything happened you'd need to be very upfront with this person! While some transmen may be okay with how you want to identify others may not be comfortable with it. That doesn't mean they wouldn't still like you as a friend or more, but things can get complicated sometimes. I'm not sure if I explained this very well... sorry if it's confusing.
I don't mean to offend or sound nit-picky, but andro/gyno-sexual is a term I see often misused. I think most people are uninformed, and since it's a label I do identify with, this misinformation sometimes paints the wrong picture of people like me. Androsexual - AVENwiki Gynosexual - AVENwiki Androsexual means you are a person of any gender identity who is attracted sexually to males, including those who are identify as male gendered. Gynosexual is the same, but for females and those who identify as female. It can also mean you are attracted to masculine/feminine qualities in a person regardless of their identity. Using either of these labels tends to indicate a more open perspective when it comes to gender and sexuality, rather than a more limited one defined by body parts. I think most transmen would be a little uncomfortable if someone were attracted to them because they're "gynosexual" because they do not want to be seen as female, and framing them in that perspective can be very damaging if they have strong dysphoria. That said, everyone is different and has their own particularities. You can't put every transman into a box. If you're interested in them, try to get to know how they feel about their issues. In the very least you can find a good friend and learn something about the trans experience.
Huh, I was under the impression that it meant in terms of genitalia. I guess people's incorrect usage of these terms let me to believe otherwise, thus making me wrong as well. My apologies for that, and thank you for clearing that out for me, and anyone else who read this. I would have continued to spread this incorrect information </3 After reading the proper definitions, now I'm at a loss, as there are no proper terms for being sexually attracted to people with certain genitalia?
<3 Thanks for understanding. As far as I'm aware, there aren't any terms specifically for being attracted to genetalia. Maybe phallophilia/vulvophilia? Except Googling phallophilia indicates a love of *large* penis. *shrug*
As long as you can recognize that he is a guy and therefore is an exception to your sexuality, you're not doing anything offensive. Sexuality can be flexible. Liking one guy doesn't mean you're not a lesbian. He might not be comfortable with it, but you're not doing anything wrong. If it ends up happening, just make it clear to him that he's an exception, and you don't see him as a girl. And ditch the phrase "lesbian dating a trans guy" in favor of just "lesbian dating a guy", because it's the same thing, but helps show that you really see him as a guy, which might make him feel more comfortable. BENTLEY: I don't think there are words for being attracted to specific genitalia. The way I've always seen it is that you define your sexuality based on the genders of the people you're attracted to. You can have a preference for specific genitalia, it's just not how you would define your sexual orientation. For example, I'm attracted to girls regardless of genitalia (because if I see a girl on the street who I think is attractive, I don't know what's in her pants; I'm attracted to her because she's pretty, and I read her as female), but I don't like penises. I define my sexuality based on my attraction to women, but if I found myself wanting to be in a relationship with a pre-op trans woman, I would have to take into account the fact that we would not be sexually compatible. I'm not attracted to trans men, but if I were, I would label myself as bi. I just wouldn't choose to sleep with anyone with a penis.
