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Is this a "normal" perception?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Leifa, Jul 25, 2015.

  1. Leifa

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    So this really didn't register with me at the time because other things were going on that took precedence but is this a normal perception of bisexual woman?? Because it's kind of infuriating. See below. vvvv

    So was talking to...we'll just say this man. Anyway, obviously sexuality was the topic and the rest is pretty irrelevant what was said but this was, as said, infuriating.

    This is what was said (paraphrased): "You can have any man you want and I think that's great. When you find this man you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with I think you guys will have a fantastic relationship because of your sexuality. You and he will have an amazing sexuality because you can bring other women home for him you can enjoy him and her and he can enjoy both of you. I think this will keep your sexual relationship with him incredibly healthy! He will be lucky to find you."

    What the hell?? My friends are pretty much all supportive of me but I've never rally had a conversation about it before with anybody. I'd like to think this is NOT a normal perception but I really don't know and it's just made me angry.

    PS: I don't hate you men out there I'm just frustrated! And am now confused because I don't really want to spend my life with a man! I'm (mildly) sexually attracted to them but always see myself with a woman when I settle down... Now I feel like I should just be calling myself a lesbian...
     
  2. seeking

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    I'm not bisexual. But, I don't have this perception on Bisexuals. Just because someone is bisexual doesn't mean that person does not believe in monogamy.

    Honestly this dude sounds like a guy who kisses his own toosh and thinks the world revolves around him. Why is it you bring home ladies and the man enjoying her and you? Why couldn't it be the man? Sounds like a dude that is trying to say that you are not monogamous or not capable of being monogamous.

    So personally i don't have that perception. You can be bisexual and monogamous. But, this guy you were talking to sound like a misogynist tard.

    If i was you i wouldn't talk to this guy again.... cuz he thinks because you are bisexual you are incapable of monogamy and also thinks like you should serve a man.

    Don't change your label because of close minded people. Bisexuality exist and you just keep being you. Because no matter who you are and whatever label you subscribe to, you will have to deal with ignorant people.

    Hope this helped a little.
     
  3. Leifa

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    It does, I know most of my post was a rant because I was angry (I've calmed down now) but I am actually wondering if my feelings are right lately. I am mildly sexually attracted to me but don't want to marry one...I've dated a few and even been hurt when we broke up but I feel like I may have "settled" because I don't really want to date them. It's confusing. I've been happy with how I defined my sexuality for awhile but now I'm not sure if I was completely right.
     
  4. seeking

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    Idk if you should be questioning it or not. If you felt like that was the right label for all this time... Idk if you are changing it because of just past failures and these type of reactions or if you just figure out your sexuality more. Only you really know that. If you are sexually attracted to men then i would say you have the potential to be with one. That potential might turn into someone you might want to marry. In the end it's your decision on what label fits best and something to explore to see if changing it from Bi to Lesbian is the right choice for you.
     
  5. Sarii

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    I don't think so. I would gander that being a cheater/being confused are the stereotypical perceptions more than anything.
     
  6. Leifa

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    Thank you! I appreciate it =^.^=
     
  7. seeking

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    no problem. Happy i could help :icon_bigg (*hug*)
     
  8. Fallingdown7

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    It's a misogynistic belief that straight man have- the fantasy where a man can have two women at once, but of course as a woman you are not allowed to touch other men. Only other women, because women aren't human beings by this view.

    It is disgusting.
     
  9. unsureofmyself

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    Dont worry OP, my friends speak about bisexual people in obliviously offensive terms like this guy too. They say stuff like, "well, there's no such thing as bi, you either like guys OR girls. Those who claim to like both are just greedy and selfish. One. You only get to like ONE." This uber frustrates me, cos a) i cant defend myself vos nobody knows and b) its just pointless; they aint gonna change. *sigh*
     
  10. Damos

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    this is one twisted view whar that guy said. I would only say it as a joke and nor be seriouslt (and add on it "or have two guys or even better make your man drees up like a girl for you") but I dont think that when a girl loves both genders that I as a man should have than two girls (things like this make me ashamed to even be called a man).
     
  11. Zippi

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    As a bisexual, I'm here to say that this perception is more common than you'd believe, and quite frankly, there will be close-minded individuals like this wherever you go. It's also presumed that bisexual women will ultimately end up with a man, and that any relations with another woman are purely lustful and irrelevant, that they "don't count". This is hurtful and infuriating, but there's typically no changing others' views. I can't tell you how many times my loving but irritating friends have casually said to me, depending on the gender of my current S.O. or crush, "So you're a lesbian now?" "You're over the liking girls thing now, right?" "He's gonna love it when you bring home another girl for him to have!" "It's gonna be great having two people to mess around with."

    Onto the other issue of your orientation, don't let this experience push you into feeling the need to change your identity. It's very possible, and even common, for bisexuals to have a prefence and still identify as bi. A friend of mine is bisexual that heavily prefers females, but she absolutely hates it when people try to say she's a lesbian. On the other hand, I have a preference for guys, but I'm not about to label myself as straight. While I admit it's more likely that I'll settle down with a man, and that I'm generally more picky when it comes to women, I also recognize that if I were to fall madly in love with someone and they happened to lack a penis, I wouldn't hesitate to make her mine.

    I hope this offers some clarity!
     
  12. Leifa

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    The things in the above snippet are what got me so upset. I felt like I was pretty much being told I can't date women, marry women, fall in love with women...etc. That my desires for women were there solely for the purpose of my 100% guaranteed to have future husband and any serious boyfriends in between. It also made me feel like I wasn't allowed to have girlfriends. I've been hurt by comments and actions before on the subject but this was just so infuriating and hurtful in comparison to other things I've faced it sucked. Before this I'd never been sat down and told for over an hour exactly what I'm going to do in the future for marriage and that pretty much everything I do would be for the sole enjoyment of said man and my feelings/desires being completely irrelevant.

    It's not like I haven't heard some of this stuff before but this was presented in such a "This is what you're going to do, no matter what for this guy." way that pretty much made me flip out and rage make the original post...

    Regardless I don't really want to settle down with a man..I just have a super hard time seeing that in my future. As you said if one just "captured" me and was "the one" I'd probably reconsider that view but primarily I don't see it this way which is why I was considering changing because all in all I'm not that attracted to men in comparison to women. Doesn't mean there NO attraction because there is but it doesn't seem to go passed a physical lust most times...

    Thank you for your reply :slight_smile: It was good to read and I appreciate it.