Hello there! So I am probably gay, but I've been in denial for so long that I no longer see girls in real life as hot, and I NEVER get crushes, which is super boring. I feel like when I was 13 and didn't know I was gay, I was more gay than I am now (obviously not true) because I had feelings for my best girl friend and I thought a lot of girls at school were hot. Now I struggle with and doubt my sexual/romantic attraction frequently because I rarely experience it (or allow myself to experience it?). Has anyone else experienced the same? Any advice?
Yes, I personally believe that you can. After all, some of us convince ourselves that we are straight and that we have not found the right one yet. So, we keep trying and don't consider that we are actually gay. I also think that it is part of accepting who we are by learning to accept and give ourselves permission to experience that attraction to our own sex. You are 22, so it is about the right time that you question and come to terms with who you are. It's really ok to have doubts, take your time, and just go with the flow. Also, maybe you have not found someone you are attracted to yet. Just because you are a lesbian, does not mean that you are attracted to any woman you see. I ran into this myself. I am a Femme and I am only attracted to more masculine Butch women. Sure, feminine women are pretty to me, but I have really no sexual attraction to them and if I date them, we end up gal pals. No sparks. This really screwed me up for a long time and resulted in me coming out later than I probably would have if I had met other Femmes like myself. So, it is possible that you are not attracted to the type of women you have met so far. So, cut yourself some slack, and it will come. (((HUGS)))
My two cents. Be open to anything including guys. Remember to fully explore and discover. Dont assume a label. Good luck.
You can, but It's also possible you haven't found your type yet. I rarely am attracted to too many women as well, probably because I have a specific type and prefer an emotional connection. Not everyone will be attracted to everyone of their gender preference. Seriously??? What's with all the rampant lesbophobia on this site?
I think you can, but there's also a possibility, as mentioned, that you haven't met anyone else that is your type yet or you just have periods in your life you feel attractions less often, or that your attractions fluctuate in intensity/frequency at times- that doesn't negate your sexuality. Who you are is 100% valid, and your label is valid too, don't worry. You don't need to doubt your attractions even if you feel lacking, because for a bunch of reasons sometimes for periods in our lives we feel less romantic/sexual attraction or interest than before. Give it some time. Let yourself feel any attraction when you do but if you don't then try not to stress about it too much as well, there's a chance that relaxing about it in that sense might free you up too. If it's comforting in any way, these days my attractions too are less intense/frequent than before and most of my focus and energy is on doing my own things + my mountain of schoolwork. But that doesn't mean I'm not still a lesbian and not still attracted to and interested in women. Also- I get the thing about it being maybe a bit boring not having a crush because sometimes I feel the same :lol:, but hey- let things happen how they happen. I've been surrounded by the same people for many years now, so in all likelihood after I move out of here that's when I might meet a girl I really fall for. Sometimes it's just the situation or environment you're in I suppose. And also, lesbians don't have to be attracted to and fall in love with every single woman they see, some of us just feel more or less frequent attractions. It's not the same for all lesbians. Then again- I don't know the specifics of your situation. If you are still dealing with a fair amount of denial then coming to terms with your sexuality might take some time, and some sorting it through. Sometimes you just need to give yourself/your brain time to adjust and accept it- it took me a while. I don't know how to give too specific advice on this but I wish you the best of luck.
Hey Fallingdown, take it easy. I interpret Brain's comment has helping our friend open up to intimacy in general. To feel better about herself, more confident. I love lesbians and lesbianism but some people can't just jump right to that place. Make sense? Hope I haven't offended.
I denialed myself into not believing I was bisexual for the longest time; but it eventually crumbled.
I have the same problem. I used to feel attraction more frequently when I was a clueless kid. Now it seems like I'm rarely attracted to anyone. It's super boring for me. When I do feel attraction I often feel like it's inappropriate. So I avoid it. That just makes it worse for me.
Hello! No offense taken. But it is a touchy subject because a lot of questioning lesbians, myself included, spend years desperately trying to date men with no luck, because we consistently hear that we should keep ourselves open to men. But I understand where @brainwashed is coming from, in that we shouldn't rush to squeeze ourselves into tiny boxes. It doesn't affect me anymore, but I think it would help a lot of young questioning girls to avoid saying "keep yourselves open to guys" (b/c we already do enough of that), and more of "it's perfectly normal to explore your attraction to girls." Because that would have helped me tremendously when I was a lil youngin, when my inability to be intimate with guys ruined my confidence. Personally, my problem doesn't concern my attraction to men (because there is NADA), but more so my attraction to women. Hope that cleared up some things, and thanks for your input! ---------- Post added 27th Jul 2015 at 05:32 PM ---------- Thank you!! I do feel a little off because I've done the whole accepting myself thing, but I have little experience meeting other queer women. I'm surrounded by femme women, who I do find attractive, but they don't tend to give me the whole butterflies thing, maybe partly because they are all straight? I guess my next step is meeting different types of queer women irl ---------- Post added 27th Jul 2015 at 05:43 PM ---------- Yup, I think when I start to meet other queer women, I can start feeling better with everything. When you're surrounded by only straight friends in a small town, it can get a little difficult to be interested in anyone. This is hard for me, because I use social networking sites, like tumblr, to connect with other lesbians and it seems like literally every other lesbian is hyper sexual:roflmao: Nothing wrong with that, but I don't feel like I can relate to them because I don't feel that way whatsoever. So thanks! I guess I need to realize that that is only a tiny chunk of the lesbian community. Thanks for the help!
Same, like when I watch tv and find a girl attractive, I subconsciously force myself to stop. Even though I've accepted everything I still clearly have a lot of work to do. Heteronormativity is a bitch.
