I'm still trying to work out my sexuality. Considering that right now the only thing I have are fleeting feelings for guys. Like I take an interest in them and their bodies and then that's it. It's like I have nothing to do with them anymore. I get bored quickly in relationships and honestly feel caged, but at the same time I feel lonely without one. As for women well I don't know. I find some of them beautiful. I even stare at the usual sexual areas but that does not really do anything for me. It's more of a compulsion than a desire. I remember before reading about sexual fluidity I was solely into guys and I knew it well. It was pretty obvious when I was into a guy and girls just didn't do it for me. But I still didn't want to be called gay per se. Mostly because of the association with a culture that is not mine but also because it didn't really fit. I felt like I needed to be some definition in order to be gay. Now I don't feel strongly either way towards men or women and that worries me with my current boyfriend. I know I'm not straight, but I don't know what else to say. I have aspergers so the black and white thinking kind of hurts me a lot on this one. I don't know where to go? Is it going to be fine with time? Or should I just forgo a label and exist? This has sort of been an obsession for over a month, which is weird because I never had to think so hard about this before.
You don't even have to have to label yourself. Many don't. Either way is ok, so take your time and do what feels right for you.
Another problem I run into is thinking that falling for a woman makes me straight, and that straight is boring. So I've been living for over a month being afraid of being attracted to women or feeing positively towards them. I don't want to be boring.
you can fall for a woman and be bisexual. Don't have to have 50/50 attraction to be bisexual. I think it's perfectly fine to go without a label... you are letting time tell where you sit on the spectrum. Just go with the flow.. if you find a girl you like pursue it and see where it goes. If you find a guy you like pursue it and see where it goes. I think as time goes by and you explore yourself and follow your heart. You will know who you are.
That's the problem though, I feel like a shapeshifter. Seemlessly drifting between one form and another and I can do so with perfect accuracy. It's happened so often that I forget or likely have almost forgotten my original form. When each form feels real and true you find it hard to differentiate between anything. I've been cruel and kind, hardworking and lax, close and open minded. I have explored all those and each felt right in the moment. But that follow your heart is nonsense. Mine does not speak to me, my head has usually been my guide. As for knowing who I am, see the explanation above.
You could be bisexual you don't need to be interested in both men and women everyday/every month/every year. It is perfectly fine to just not have a label and just go with the flow. People are not always 100% something. No one is 100% hardworking all the time. No one is 100% kind all the time. No one is 100% open minded all the time. People wax and wane. Waxing and waning can happen with sexuality. Just focus on being you... you don't need a label.
