I am working out my sexual/romantic orientation, currently at bisexual homoromantic with a heavy sexual preference for men. I say I am homoromantic because I can only picture kissing chastely, going on dates with, dancing with, etc, with women. However, I am confused about how I feel for men. I like the idea of sex with them, but they are more than just male genitalia to hop on for me. I am a virgin, but I like the idea of sex with a guy better if I like and admire him. I would love it if I knew he was enjoying the sex too, and I would kiss/cuddle in a sexual context. However, I don't want to date men. I may go out to movie with a male fwb, but I would go as a friend, and our affection would be limited to a back pat or a hug. I can imagine growing closer to a guy from sex, but as a friend with deeper understanding of him and his body. I don't know, but I would say I am emotionally and physically attracted to men in addition to sexually. But I think when kissing and cuddling is involved, which attraction is which can get messy. What makes attraction romantic? Am I simply in denial of my romantic feelings for men?
What you're describing fits well within the normal range of human expression for someone who is heterosexual, or perhaps bisexual. It's very common for people who aren't sexually experienced to be a bit apprehensive about sex, hence the idea of getting to know someone before wanting to have sex with him or her. I think the reluctance about kissing and cuddling is, again, more about feeling comfortable with emotional intimacy than about anything else. So if it were me, I'd shy away from worrying about differences in romantic and sexual orientation. First, there's nothing credible in any of the research on sexual expression to support this idea. Secondly, given what you've described, any differences in romantic and sexual attraction are far more likely to come from where you are in life than from any actual separation in sexual and romantic orientation. I think if you give it time, you'll eventually see the two (romantic and sexual feelings) coming together as you become more comfortable with yourself. I hope that helps!
