How do you identify sexual attraction? I think I'm making myself like girls?

That's a difficult situation to answer. I think you should try to find out why you want to be gay. Maybe if you figure that out, you'll understand whether your feelings are real or not.
I understand it's difficult to stop thinking and listen only to how you feel.

I'd say the difference between attraction and admiration is that you don't feel sexually attracted to people you admire. But then, there's romantic orientation as well. Maybe you should consider that you're romantic and sexual attraction may be different.

 

I'd say it's kind of a pull towards someone, and the idea that you'd enjoy kissing them, being close to them, and/or having sex with them (regardless of whether or not you want to do those things; I don't want sex with everyone I'm attracted to). Sometimes it's just me turning around to do a double-take in the street and think, Woah.

I knew I was attracted to my girlfriend when I kept looking at her, and wanted to be closer to her physically. I pretty much used any excuse to reach out and touch her arm, her neck, her hair.
Sometimes attraction feels similar to nervousness -- heart racing and sweaty palms, that kind of thing. Some people make you feel that "butterfly" thing in your belly, or sparks when they touch your hand. That's part of a strong attraction.

Actually, I just got back from a trip on which I met an objectively beautiful girl I was not attracted to, and an average guy I was attracted to. I did admire the girl, but there was no chemistry, no attraction. To me, she was pretty the way a painting on a wall is pretty. The guy, though... Something about the smile, the eyes, little details that made me look twice and think, Yeah, I see something there that I like.
Admiration, for me (this is one of those things that varies for each person, I imagine), is more of a rational, thought-related thing than a physical response. It's looking at someone and thinking, This person is beautiful and I can see that. Maybe there's a little jealousy mixed in. But there's no, Yum thing going on.

 

Hey there- obviously not knowing the full context of your situation and your feelings I can only give some advice from what I've read. Hope it helps though. I can already feel this reply getting too long. Hope you don't mind reading through a block of text :lol:

Admiration versus attraction...hmm. That's a difficult one to answer actually for me. Sometimes it's not so clear cut, and at the very least for me there are times I can feel both admiration and attraction towards a woman. Go figure :icon_wink
Admiration (in the aesthetic sense of how someone looks) for me is more of an acknowledgement of, hey, this person looks great, and I kind of just want to keep staring at them. I recognize that they are good looking, however, there is no pull or desire to do anything, not really a pull for their bodies in the physical sense, and often it's akin to staring at an incredibly nice piece of art. I really want to look at you rather than, damn, my body is sparking and I want to kiss/sleep with you.
Meanwhile with attraction, it's really not exactly the same for everyone but here's the best I can sum it up from my pov: it's more of a focus on the body, there's a pull towards them to want to be physically close and intimate- when I liked this girl I could feel electricity when she was close and I really wanted her as close as possible, and when she did grab my arm or something it was jolting and powerful, and I wanted more and I could feel that want throughout my body. The key element for me was the desire, physically. I can feel jumpy or anxious and my body can randomly respond when anyone touches me depending on the situation, but there just isn't that want there, to do anything and once it's gone I'm like eh, whatever, okay. But when I feel attraction towards someone I want more of that physical contact, even when it's gone I'm like, damn. You may also fantasize about them but that's different for different people.

If you're in the process of questioning it can all be pretty confusing and I understand. It's normal to go ??? at what you feel because ??? was exactly my state of mind too when I was figuring things out, but hey, I'm here to tell you it gets less mindbogglingly confusing and you'll be okay, even if you don't feel that way right now. Okay back to what you were saying- I think for me I might've been a bit biased towards my "attraction" towards men when I was questioning; any small thing I felt towards a guy I would multiply tenfold or say to myself "alrighty then, that must be sexual attraction, and this MUST mean deep romantic attraction" even if I honestly didn't feel that much, but a lot of the things I felt for girls I would brush under the rug or sort of downplay, which caused a heck of a lot of misery and anxiety. Clearly your life and who you are isn't the same as me, but that's just how I experienced it, so I don't know if that's insightful in any way. It is certainly possible to be biased.

Try to balance it out and let yourself feel things naturally, sure it's helpful to think about "so, what am I feeling? Is this attraction or is this just me admiring how they look?" when you're trying to understand, but sometimes trying to dig deep into everything you feel all the time can be limiting and absolutely exhausting. At times, give yourself a break. Balance it out a bit, but let yourself feel what you feel naturally towards guys and girls and everyone else. If you feel something for someone great, let it roll over and see how it goes, don't try to immediately wonder why or start delving into the fabric of it, just let yourself feel what you do. It's hard, I know, but sometimes it can help. Thinking about stuff helped sometimes as well, but not thinking about stuff proved just as useful for me a good chunk of the time.
How come you think you're trying to be gay or that you're fabricating your feelings? Sometimes it's a matter of interpreting how you feel. I'm not here to tell you the meaning behind your feelings and whether you're right or wrong but it's helpful to, at least for some periods of time, try not to wonder why you're feeling things and whether or not there's a reason or meaning or some other explanation for why you're feeling them and just let them come naturally. Often you can think of a million alternative explanations for things, but that doesn't mean that every one of them is correct. Sometimes you don't know, and that's fine. Just remember that who you are/what you feel is valid, and sometimes invalidating yourself can take a huge toll. Go naturally with what makes you feel good.

Also- our emotions and attractions and even our physical condition fluctuates. Sometimes you may see someone and feel eh, okay, and sometimes you see the same person and feel lots and lots of things. Don't worry too much about that. I feel like that's pretty natural, because I know that when I'm exhausted everyone around me feels like a blur and I'm not interested in looking at or feeling anything for anyone on 2 hours of sleep. The next day I'm wide awake and next to my crush and I'm like, damn, I feel like I'm getting hit in the stomach with an anvil (slightly strange comparison), and in a good way. It depends sometimes.

That's my long, tedious several paragraphs of advice. I hope it helps but take it all with a grain of salt; everyone's experiences and way of figuring things out is different. Just know that even when you're feeling completely confused and lost that it's normal and you're normal, you are valid, and that it'll get easier and you will feel better as time goes on. Also, you can always come back here at any time.

 

Okay, why do you want to be gay exactly?

But well, for everyone It's different. Sexual attraction is defined as a sexual desire for someone. So you find them hot, want to see them naked, have fantasies, etc. It doesn't always mean you actually WANT to jump into bed with them (due to everyone having different morals of when sex should take place) but there has to be some desire there.

 

"Do i want to nail her" bloody hell really!?! Im suprised you've got laid at all!!! Romance is dead...

 

Sounds like you don't have any issues being sexually attracted to girls. Hell, you have more attraction toward girls than I do if that helps : P