First off I want to start by saying that I'm a huge porn addict. I'm ashamed of saying it and that I allowed myself to be consumed by it. Growing up I can remember that I was always attracted to females. I had huge crushes, butterflies in my stomach and all that good stuff. I saw porn for the first time when I was 13 and I became addicted to it. Then there was a moment I can remember where I had a thought where I was gay because I thought a fellow male classmate was good looking. My dirty mind made me start thinking of sexual things I had scene in porn with him and from then on I continued to fight these thoughts of any guy I came across during school. These thoughts ruined high school for me and any relationship chance I had with women because I'd continuously be worried that I was gay. This is when I started getting into more extreme forms of porn like gangbangs, rape, bestiality, transsexual and even gay porn a few times. Now I have these sexual thoughts of every guy I see even friends, family members and it's taking a toll on me. I even experimented with a transgender female and a guy and I didn't really enjoy it but I then question if it's me trying not to enjoy it. I have fears I might be gay, bisexual or transgender. I don't have the resources to get professional help.:icon_sad:
Then why do I continue to get these sexual thoughts in my mind. I'm literally going insane and I have to use all my will power to push them away. I don't have a life anymore and this is depressing me. I've even thought about suicide
