I am almost 40 years old. I have identified as a straight man all of my life. But for the first time, I am accepting that the fantasy of gay sex turns me on more than straight sex, so I am exploring my sexuality more. Sometimes I think I am a repressed homosexual, but I still only find women romantically and sexually attractive in real life. Can someone please let me know what they think? Here are some facts about me: 1. Felt sexually attracted to other boys before puberty. I knew I had a "secret". During puberty my feelings intensified for boys (masturbated a lot to them), but as I got older in high school, my same-sex attractions faded away. I was still attracted to younger teen boys, but not guys my same age. The gym locker room did nothing for me any more. 2. My early feelings for girls were strong as well. But the sexual feelings never got as "erotic" as for boys. The romantic feelings for girls were always strong too. I had many childhood crushes on girls. As I got older, and my sexual feelings for boys diminished, my overall feelings for girls intensified, and I realized that I was straight. This happened in high school. 3. I first started dating women in college, but I had trouble getting erections with all of them once our clothes came off. I was attracted to them, but PIV sex didn't seem very erotic to me. Since then, I have encountered the same problem with other women. 4. When my girlfriends got naked for me, I usually ended up rimming them. I was more interested in their butts than anything else. 5. Started viewing gay porn in college. Absolutely love it. Straight porn is okay, but not as exciting for me. I strongly prefer gay porn. 6. I prefer "twink" porn. I believe I am re-living my fantasies from my youth. 7. Five years ago, I went on a few dates with gay men. Once I met them, I wasn't attracted to them at all. I felt no sexual interest whatsoever. Didn't pursue things with them further. They were good looking, but I felt nothing in my pants. 8. I am not attracted to the male body. Facial hair turns me off, as does a hairy chest. I also have no romantic feelings for guys. 9. I find women sexually & romantically attractive. When I go to the beach, I am checking out the women. I am very attracted to femininity and womanhood. I want to bond with it. When I masturbate to climax, I almost always think of women and PIV sex. 10. Recently, I started to pursue men online again. I am curious about experimenting, so this time, I want to work harder to find the right guy. This whole process excites me, and I bought some sexy underwear, including women's panties. Clearly, I have a fantasy about being gay or being "converted". I enjoy flirting with twinkish guys online. What do you all think? I feel straight, but my gay fantasies really tempt me. I saw a sex therapist. He thinks I am straight, but he encourages me to experiment. Thanks.
Yes, it seems that way. I much more attracted to women than anything. But I have had persistent gay fantasies since childhood. I have never made out with a guy, but I want to. So, by that definition, I am bisexual.
If you can get aroused by both genders, that should be a hint towards attractions to both genders (aka bisexual). It's also why I technically qualify for bisexual, but there seems to be some fear behind the label and the expectations that come with it. Things can certainly change as well, so be open to that and things should go by easier.
this is a good question and almost identical as what I am going through. aside from not being able to maintain an erection with a women I have not had that problem yet, but I am only 25 so it could be hormones powering the erection lol it would be great if we can get some more comments and opinions from ppl
Sounds like you are attracted to youthful looking men since you mentioned not liking body hair but not all men are hairy, primarily younger males.
I don't think the answer is as simple as "you're attracted to both, so you're bi." It sounds like there may be a lot of more complex factors playing into your arousal and orientation. Porn isn't a reliable indicator because it is designed to be overstimulating. A much better indicator is what happens when you masturbate without porn. Letting your mind wander and seeing what fantasies come to mind is often the best indicator. You can also try masturbating specifically to different fantasies (alternating male and female) and see which is more arousing. But I suspect even that may not make it completely clear, and in those circumstances, usually there are some other underlying issues, usually relating to family-of-origin, that are contributing to the problem. This is where working with a really good therapist and exploring what sort of themes and experiences are in your childhood and adolescence that may have influenced your arousal. Experimenting can also be good, but I would tend to discourage you from experimenting with people substantially younger, because (like porn), that's likely to be such a strong stimulus it may not give you an accurate indicator. Healthy sexual experiences are a combination of the physical and emotional. A genuine sense of connection to the other person makes all the difference in the world. Unfortunately, I suspect that the majority of gay men that experience sex don't actually have the opportunity to experience what's possible because it's very hard to allow oneself to be emotionally as well as physically vulnerable. And in your case, I suspect that might be a fairly strong factor here. I hope the above is helpful. Feel free to post more information, as the more the people reading the thread can understand you, the better the input you'll get back is.
I wouldn't say that I am "50/50" on both genders. It's more like 95% women and 5% men. I give men 5%, even though I haven't been attracted to men in real life, although about 9 years ago, I did meet a gay man at my job. I found him attractive because he looked very young (twinkish). I have met many gay men at jobs or elsewhere, and I am almost never attracted at all. No sexual tension, nothing. Women, on the other hand, attract me every day it seems. It's a big difference. I agree. There is a stigma in our society that if you enjoy gay porn, then you are gay. If that were the case, then there would be a lot more gay men out there. I do masturbate regularly, and my fantasies center around women. Sometimes I have a gay fantasy, but when I am about to climax, I usually switch to women. I have zero sexual experience with men, so maybe that would change if I did. I don't know. This discussion has been helpful to me. I don't think anyone is completely straight or gay. I want to experiment. I am also concerned about the sexual difficulties I have had with women. Most of those relationships have been dysfunctional. I wish I had experimented and had more sexual experiences in my youth. I am almost 40.
This thread makes sense to me. I'm female and I seem to notice alot more attractive guys rather than girls, but when I do fancy a girl, the feelings can be far more intense. The guys I like are nearly always gay or bisexual as I love androgyny, I could say I'm 95% into guys and 5% into girls. But the fact that I can fall in love with a girl and feel a stronger attraction than to a guy, combined with the fact that I love feminine traits in guys, makes me think I am probably more of a repressed gay girl than I realise! There was lots of homophobic repression invoked in my youth, so it's possible you're the same.
Same here. I had crushes on guys, but I could never express my feelings. My environment was very repressive. But I could express my feelings for girls, and eventually I lost interest in boys as they matured and acquired masculine features. In my youth, my sexual feelings were far stronger for boys. I wanted to get in their pants. As I got older, my sexual feelings for girls increased, but never reached the level I had for boys early on. There's a part of me that wants to recapture that excitement that I had for boys. It was so intensely sexual. But the problem is that I am not attracted (physically/emotionally) to men. I am clearly attracted to women, but the level of excitement I have with them in the bedroom isn't that high. In a way, it feels that my sexuality is misaligned. But I have learned to embrace my feelings for both genders. I think experimentation is the best way for me to go, but that's difficult to accomplish with guys because I am not attracted to so many of them.
