Hello, hope you can help... My worry is, in the past ive felt strong attractions to women (butterfly's etc although don't remember sexual content to it) so I assumed I was a lesbian, however with age these have faded to none. Two and a half years ago I fell in love with my boyfriend , although my mind now makes me doubt I was in love, I was always on cloud Nine, always had a buzz around him, before him I was always oht getting drunk etc but when I met him he was my high... I didn't need to go out and things anymore. He makes me happy and I have never felt something was "missing" etc, even when I'm out with friends I wanna go home to him. Just lately we were gonna get a mortgage and in my head popped " you're a lesbian you don't really love him etc" and this sent me in to a depression. I've come out of that but I still can't get it out my head that I don't love him in the "right " way. How do I know it's the "right" love and that I wouldn't find the "right" love with a woman if ive never really tried. Im finding it so hard to differentiated between what my worries and what my feelings are. Im pretty sure I have no desire to go and have sex with a woman or be without my boyfriend ... But I just don't know what's really me anymore I feel like there's so much guilt towards him where as one month ago I just didn't even think about how I felt cause I was just too comfortable and too happy having fun. When I think about ending it with him and going to explore myself I get so upset because I don't wanna be without him and I don't wanna go "explore" not find what I'm looking for with a woman and realise I have the best thing ever sitting right in front of me. Sorry to blab to you and any advice would be appreciated ! Xx ---------- Post added 30th Jul 2015 at 01:43 AM ---------- I just want people to say "yes stay with your boyfriend be happy you're dojng the right thing" because that's all I want in the world... No desire to go and be with a woman.
Hey Emmab2802 =) Only you can decide what is right for you. And from what you said, you really seem to be happy with your boyfriend and seem to be doing what's best for you. You say yourself, you have no desire to go out and meet a woman and you are happy with your boyfriend. To me that sounds like you don't need to change anything. If you had that desire or were unhappy with the current situation, that would be a different story. And what is the "right" love anyway? I myself am someone who appreciates safety and consistency, so I naturally think, why should you sacrifice a relationship that makes you very happy, for something unknown... Sometimes the best thing we can do is just listen to our hearts. Don't overthink. Just take it step by step and if it feels good, than it's probably the right thing. You should never regret something, that makes you happy =) Don't get too hung up on labels. So you identified as a lesbian for a while... Were attracted to girls for a while. That's ok. Now you are attracted to a guy. And that's ok, too. You know, taking a label and embracing it doesn't mean it's automatically foolproof and can't be changed later on. Maybe you're somewhere on the spectrum? Not 100% anything? Is that so bad? I don't think so. You see, some people argue that sexuality is fluent. That it can evolve. And there's nothing wrong with you for deciding that the label lesbian doesn't fit your person any longer.
Thank you that is such a nice helpful message! My confusion lies with what defines sexual attraction to someone... I enjoy sex with my boyfriend and when I crave sex it's with him but it doesn't seem to be a big "butterfly " type urge and that's what worries me. I try to tell myself this fades overtime ... I mean my parents don't crave each other... But it doesn't seem to calm my over active mind! X
I'm glad that my first response was helpful =) Hm, I fear I won't be much of a help in regards to what defines sexual attraction to someone... I don't have much experience in that field... What I know is, my girlfriend makes me very happy. And I know that I want to be intimate with her, and only her, because my feelings for her are so strong. Sometimes I crave her, sometimes there are butterflies, and sometimes it's just really sweet and caring and gentle. I don't know which of those is the definition of sexual attraction. But fact is, I don't want it with anyone else and I enjoy it very much, with or without "a big butterfly type urge". So why should I question my sexual attraction to her?! See what I mean? You say you enjoy sex with your boyfriend. And you want to be with him. Isn't that all that matters?
If you are happy, then you don't need anything else, at least right now. I'd just leave the door open with the boyfriend for him to at least know that you have these feelings so they don't come out of left field in 20 years (if they come back or get stronger). Good luck!
