Hey guys, any advice about this will be greatly appreciated so here goes. I'm 18 years old and male, and for the past 2/3 years I've been struggling to figure out who I am in terms of sexual orientation. I've never been in a relationship and I've never kissed anyone. Growing up, I guess I've just assumed that I'll meet a girl and get married etc but when I was 15, just out of curiosity I googled pictures and videos of men kissing and making out which over a while escalated into watching gay porn. I would enjoy watching it but immediately afterwards, I would just feel like there was something weird about me. I have never watched straight porn and I don't know whether that's because its never interested me or because I'm scared to watch it because maybe it'll prove that I've been worrying about nothing and that I've been straight all along? I regularly have fantasies about what it would be like to date and have sex with a man bur I rarely, if ever, fantasise about women in that way. I can tell when a man or women is good looking and I did have a small crush on a girl a few years ago but this only adds to my confusion. Anyways, apologies for rambling, its just that this is the first time that I've ever expressed how I felt about this so thank you for reading.
Hello there. Welcome to EC! Well from what you have told us here, there are several indicators you could be gay, but not a lot that you are straight. If you were to put me on the spot I would say that you are gay. However life is not often that simple! You may well have some attraction towards girls as well, although I think the fact that you don't watch to watch straight porn suggest deep down you know what is what. One piece of advice I was given was to make a mental note of where your eyes naturally wander when walking down a busy street. Is it towards guys or girls? You mustn't cheat though! It has to be as unconscious as possible. I hope I have helped in some way. Please stick around here and don't be afraid to ask questions.
Wow, thank you for replying. I guess I kinda feel relieved that I've talked about this to someone because I don't have many close friends that I can tell and my family aren't that understanding of people who are LGBT (My dad actually said quite a few years ago that he hopes none of his children are gay and my older brother uses 'gay' as an insult so yeah...). But whenever I think about my orientation, I somehow manage to push the 'gay' thoughts out and convince myself that I'm straight only for the thoughts to come back which just leaves me confused. How do I stop over thinking things and how can I be sure that these thoughts are natural and that i'm not going through some phase?
How about just trying be gay for a few days? Just allow yourself to have gay thoughts and consider yourself to be gay for a little while. See how it fits. You will probably be like me and realise that "gay" fits you a lot more than "straight". It has still taken me time though. The biggest block is mental. We put up so many obstacles, but once you remove them the confusion will start to clear. Denial is a very powerful thing.
