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Sexual and romantic orientation ...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Emmab2802, Aug 1, 2015.

  1. Emmab2802

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    Can someone describe the different for me please?
    Also how common are same sex "crushes" through puberty ? Still so confused how I could grow up having lesbian crushes but in the past couple of years crave sex with men...
     
  2. foxconfessor

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    More often than not they'll go hand in hand - with romantic crushes being more prevalent in younger years as our sexuality has not quite come into being. I think the romantic part is more to do with the softer, fuller emotions we feel for people - wanting to be held close to them, thinking about them without meaning to, heart swelling when they smile etc. Whereas sexual orientation (as evidenced by sexual attraction) is more to do with a physical reaction - heart racing, temperature rising, some sort of groinal response etc.

    On a personal note, I've found since coming out to myself as gay (or at least on that end of the spectrum) I've oddly had more sexual fantasies about guys than I ever did growing up - in fact, even as a teenager, I couldn't understand how anyone could fantasize about guys in that way. But nowadays those thoughts only produce a physical reaction and aren't really connected to my personal, romantic feelings, like those I have for others girls. They also feel oddly third person. Perhaps it's just part of the denial/bargaining process.

    Did you have any crushes on guys growing up? If so, did they make you feel the same way as the crushes you had on girls?
     
  3. Emmab2802

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    Hey thanks for the reply, the crushes on girls tended to be like "butterflies" in my tummy and wanting to show off etc to these women, they were ALWAYS older women ... Usually teachers / bosses etc... I don't ever remember sexual feelings towards them but I do remember thinking I was a lesbian.
    I remember as a child liking make attention and having a boyfriend who I use to enjoy kissing in the playground! I went to an all girls school so literally saw bare to no men growing up. When I got to uni I met a couple of guys that I rememeber wanting their attention, wanting to flirt with them, wanting to show off to them sexually (like make them want me in that way etc)... I can't ever rememeber having a huge desire to have sex with anyone to be honest. I have a boyfriend now of 2.5 years and at the beginning I was buzzing with him always so happy so never doubted it but as times gone on ive started worrying and doubting my feelings for him... I definitely crave sex with him and when j think about his penis I get turned on! I crave to be close to him, I never find sex earth moving but I enjoy the closeness with him !
     
  4. queermeerkat

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    Sexual attraction pertains more to that craving, the physical urge to fuck a certain person. Romantic attraction is more like an emotional urge to be with that person romantically, like dating, kissing, cuddling.
    Not saying sex can't be romantic or romance-driven but that's the distinction. For some ppl sexual and romantic attraction are the same, for others it's quite the opposite.

    To ask how common same sex crushes are through puberty is essentially to ask how common opposite sex crushes are, it depends on the person. For me I only experienced opposite sex crushes through puberty, but had a stronger sexual attraction towards men. Then a couple years ago it started evening out. (may be slightly inaccurate as I had to dig through repressed things to learn of this)
    Perhaps your bisexual, there's also homoromantic heterosexual.
     
  5. Emmab2802

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    Definitely fantasise more about guys!!! Me n my boyfriend use to send quite explicit messages and the images of that really got me going !
     
  6. foxconfessor

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    Have you ever tried to imagine having a sexual experience/relationship with a woman, isolated from any thoughts about men?

    You could be bisexual - there are people who identify as such yet feel more strongly about one gender romantically, and the other more sexually.
     
  7. Emmab2802

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    Yeah and I think the idea is hot in like hot to watch but I don't really have a strong desire to be involved myself ...

    ---------- Post added 1st Aug 2015 at 05:13 PM ----------

    The sex side that is, can not imagine myself romantically cuddling and being in a relationship with a woman
     
  8. foxconfessor

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    Sounds like you could be mostly straight then... for example, a lot of straight women prefer lesbian porn to straight porn. But it might be worth bearing in mind that not being able to imagine yourself in a relationship with a woman could be down to social conditioning. Not saying that's the case, but it's a possibility. :slight_smile:
     
  9. Emmab2802

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    I've always been honest with my family and my boyfriend etc and my boyfriends told me to go and explore myself a bit more but I honestly now a days can't find any woman I would want to hve sex with , and all the thought of doing that makes me feel is like I miss him ?! Thanks for your advice by the way!