Hi! I'm 16 years old and I'm with this amazing guy. He's my best friend, but unfortanately I am not attracted to him. I am more attracted to girls and am beginning to think I might be gay. I've had some confusing feelings toward a few of my friends, and I've been questionning for about a year. For now I'm going with bisexual, but now I realize that out of all of the guys I've dated, I have been physically attracted to zero. Most of them were long distance, and I absolutely hated it when they tried to do "dirty" talk...it just made me so uncomfortable and I never knew what to say back. I've never kissed anyone because the thought of kissing a guy grosses me out. The guy I'm with is really sweet, and I tell him everything, he is my best friend. I'm starting to resent him though, and sometimes when he tells me he loves me I'm just kind of silent, and I can tell that that hurts him. We both have depression and he told me I'm "the one spark of happiness and light" In his life. I feel like the only reason I'm with him is because I like the feeling of being loved and wanted, and I'm also afraid to be alone. But I'd rather be with a girl. I so so so would rather be with a girl. Guys are nice romantically, but not sexually at all. I'm just afraid I won't find a girl who likes me, I'm too nervous to even initiate conversation. I don't know how to have a relationship with a girl... I feel massive amounts of guilt and I feel terrible for dragging him along like this, but I don't want to hurt him (I've never broken up with anyone before), but I really cannot stay in this relationship. I feel exploitative since the only reason I'm with him is because I like feeling wanted. I don't know how to start this conversation or what to even tell him...please help me, thank you so much.
Well you should start by telling him that you are flattered and appreciate his interest in you, it's given you a sense of confidence and that's always greatly appreciated (you know you sing his praises basically ) then you break it to him evenly, it's not him it's just that you are not attracted to men. Offer your friendship to him, ask him to support you, don't be surprised if he's a bit sour over it, let him blow off his steam and then check up on him a few days later. It's good that you're willing to come forward, that takes guts and that's a big step so give yourself a pat on the back!
Thank you so much! I'm just so afraid of hurting him, he cares about me so much. I have no idea how to even start the conversation. I'm so terrified
Hey Figure8, I can imagine it's not easy to start that conversation but the truth is the sooner you tell him the better, also remember that you're not responsible for his happiness. Besides, it just happens that love is one-sided and people break up so don't make it a bigger issue than it really is. When telling him, you may try to use "sandwich" approach that means you 1) say something nice about him, 2) then you say the unpleasant part, 3) you say something nice again. Good luck, you can do it! (*hug*)
I can relate to this, A LOT. In the end, honesty is the best policy. I'm sure since you're such good friends he'll accept you & still want to carry on the friendship. You need to put your needs first though, as hard as that may be. Have the conversation in person, and just be as truthful as you can about your feelings. I have to have a similar conversation with my boyfriend and I'm really unsure of how to handle it myself. But since you were friends with him first, I seriously doubt he would hold your sexuality against you.
