Hi, I am writing this post because I am very confused about a few things. Firstly, I just want to say that my mind and emotions feel like a pretty huge mess and I'm worried that I am over-analyzing and finding excuses for my problems in the wrong way. But then to counter that, I also worry that those are just excuses for avoiding thinking about what may (or not) be the truth in regards to another thing I've been thinking about... *deep breath* Okay... The confidence in my sexuality has been dropping since my ex-boyfriend of 7 years told me that he wanted to get back together after being 2 years separated. However, I feel like this is just an excuse, or a safe guard that I am putting up unintentionally as although I loved him like crazy, and still, do, it was an unhealthy relationship where in the end we were constantly arguing a lot and I felt so completely suffocated. Before he told me he wanted to fix things, I was confident in being bisexual. I knew that I had a preference for girls but I could still fall in love with/be attracted to a guy. But I mean, I know that I would prefer to be with a girl. Now it's like my mind keeps on saying "you're gay", "you can't be with him because you're gay". I was sure that I'm not, but I feel like some part of me is trying to protect myself and make up an excuse of not being in the relationship again. But confusing me so much is the fact that I do know that I have a preference. In my future, I see and hope it's a girl. But most importantly it's just someone who I could love and who would love me back, regardless of gender. So... I am stuck between feeling like this is a safeguard to being in that relationship again; an excuse that would definitely justify and give reason as to why I should completely exclude that possibility of getting back together with him. And also denial of being gay, which before this I felt sure that I wasn't before. I was comfortable being bisexual, and felt/still feel bisexual... Just a lot more romantically attracted to girls. I don't think I could ever exclude guys completely. Has anyone experienced similar feelings before, or have any thoughts about why I might be feeling like this? I really feel like I'm in a giant state of confusion, and I don't know what would be harder to say that: I can't be with him again because he has hurt me too much, and the ending of our relationship has hurt me too much (to me, pointing to that I am very much bi), or because he is the wrong gender and I see my future with a girl. Both feel like a lie or half truth separate from the other in their own way :icon_sad: :help:
