I've been questioning for a long time, and only now am I beginning to accept the fact that I'm either bi or pansexual. I'm a 21 year old girl and I still don't know who I'm attracted to or what I want But the main problem is, I'm in a relationship with an amazing guy. I love him so much it hurts and I can't bear the thought of hurting or losing him. And yet... why do I feel so unsatisfied? I can't stop thinking about being with a girl and find myself so drawn to girls in a romantic sense. It just gnaws at me inside and makes me feel like a terrible person - like I'm cheating on my boyfriend He deserves to be with someone who's totally committed to him, and I don't think I can be the girlfriend he deserves. I felt so terrible I couldn't take it anymore, and one night burst into tears and told him everything. I told him I'd been questioning my sexuality and that I wasn't sure what I wanted. He was really sweet and understanding about it (which made me cry even MORE) and said he was worried that he couldn't make me happy. He said he felt like it made sense because I don't like being intimate with him and like to cross-dress and present myself as male sometimes. I never connected these factors before, but now I feel like it's all falling into place :S God, I feel like such an awful person. I can't break up with him because I'm afraid and don't want to lose him - but really, I'm lying to him. How selfish is that? :tears::tears: I've always had problems with intimacy. I don't know if it's because sex is something that's honestly never interested me, but it's becoming a problem in our relationship and I'm starting to wonder if it's because I'd rather be with a girl. I just love being with a person - talking with them, sharing feelings, laughing together and being romantic with them. The whole physical side of it has never really mattered to me. So... Does it make sense for me to be attracted to any gender? I'm just so totally confused right now I'm stressing out so much because I don't want to hurt my boyfriend but I don't want to lose him, either. But... I also can't stop having these thoughts and feeling like I'm missing out on something by not being with a girl. Honestly, it's becoming all I think about. It's something I really, really want but I know I can't have. I feel so lost :tears: Anyway, sorry for the ramble. Looks like everything just came pouring out there :S If anyone can share any advice or experiences they've had, I'd really appreciate it. Anything will do, I just really need some help here. I feel like such a horrible person. My boyfriend deserves so much better than me. I really don't know what to do...
