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How do I get over fear and act on my sexuality?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by eeka, Aug 3, 2015.

  1. eeka

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Iowa and NYC
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    This might be a strange question, but I figure this is the place for a question like this, so here goes! (Also ignore the awkward phrasing of the title. I am not a poet/writer, I'm simply an awkward college student that is fumbling through her sexuality)

    So, I'm currently questioning my sexuality. I've always labelled myself as straight and have had several boyfriends in the past that I felt genuine sexual attraction to, but I've recently started acknowledging my attraction to women that, now that I think about it, has been there for quite a while (yay repression, well done eeka haha)

    I'm fairly certain (like, 98% certain) that I'm attracted to both men and women, but the thing is that I'm not sure how to act on this attraction. I guess it's easy for me to act on a sexual attraction to men because it's more socially acceptable, but I'm terrified of acting on attraction to a woman. For example (don't judge me for this, I'm in college. Things like this happen) at a party I would have no problem making a move on and then making out with a random guy in a corner, but I have no idea how to make a move on a woman and I don't know if I ever could. I absolutely want to be with a woman, but the thought of it is completely terrifying at the same time. It's like there's a roadblock? I'm not explaining this well. I think it might have to do with social pressures?

    I guess what I'm asking is if/how any of the rest of you got over your own fears and started acting on your sexuality? (please ignore my awkward phrasing of this question. Talking about sex is hard haha)
     
  2. Lyana

    Full Member

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    Hey eeka,

    Does your reluctance have anything to do with the possibility of the woman you'd be hitting on being straight? Because in that respect making a move on a random woman is very different from making a move on a guy.
    With a guy, there's a high chance that his orientation includes your gender; with a girl, the chances drop significantly. Fear of rejection is a very real thing -- and when you're into the same gender, rejection can in some cases lead to ridicule and shaming, if the object of your attentions is homophobic.
    If that's the issue, consider joining an LGBT group or finding another way of meeting sapphicly-inclined girls. Or try flirting subtly (straight girls don't usually freak out at a bit of light flirting), and ramping it up if it's well-received.
    My first experience with a girl was with someone I knew was gay, not a random woman I wanted to make out with, so acting on those feelings wasn't quite as scary.

    Or is it something else for you? Are you afraid of how other people might react? Are you just uncomfortable with the idea of people knowing you're bi?
     
  3. eeka

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi Lyana,

    I think you're right, it's definitely about rejection and how other people might react. Even though I go to college in NYC and everyone is pretty accepting, I think I'm afraid to be out, and definitely afraid to be rejected by someone. Also, I'm shy in general so flirting is rough to begin with haha

    Thank you for your advice! My campus has an LGBT support group on campus - I honestly had forgotten about that until this point, so I'll definitely look into joining it. Thank you!
     
  4. Lin1

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Personally I also fear rejection from women and find acting on guys a thousand time easier. That being said though I have a pretty good 'gaydar' (if there is such a thing) and can often figure out if a girl is potentially bi/lesbian rather quickly but even though I can tell whether they may be or not, doesn't exclude me from being rejected so I often let them come to me, while trying to send them discreet signals that I could potentially be interested. So far it worked marvels. hahah
     
  5. eburian

    Regular Member

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    Lyana- Please tell me how you flirt with girls.. because I'm always fearful that my flirting will not go well :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Eeka- Totally understand. Felt the exact same way when I was 19 and still haven't really tried making moves on girls. I'm always afraid that I will come off awkward.. case in point.. recent crush :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I was talking about this with my friend the other day and realized it's better to just be yourself and act friendly. Girls respond to quirks I notice and subtlety is everything in terms of flirting with a girl. I think hitting on a girl starts first with body language and interaction then with actual conversation :slight_smile: Hope this helps!