Bisexuals/Pansexuals: How did you come to acceptance?

Through the very simple process of thinking of any good argument againts it.
Could not come up with a single one.

 

Shane Dawson's video was amazing and extremely touching.

For me, though, it was never a problem. I knew there was nothing wrong with being bisexual from a young age, before I even knew that I was. When I really understood my attractions, I just thought Oh, okay. That's unexpected, but fine.

 

I always just thought that everyone was bisexual before I even knew what that word meant, haha~ Now that I've learned about pansexuality, I identify much more with that, since I think all parts are nice~ XD;;; But, I still also think of myself as bi as well, since no one outside of the lgbt community has really even heard of pansexuality (unless they've met one who explained it to them, haha).

I also really loved Shane's coming out video because it was like listening to a male version of myself... my family is not for anything non-hetero, so I don't think I can ever come out to them, but as for my friends and myself~ I'm proud of who I am and don't think that love (obviously consensual, adult, love) isn't something to be ashamed of, no matter your orientation~ ^.^

 

hmm... "I like girls... and it would be silly to assume I don't like guys... I would sleep with an enby too, totally... okay... pan, I guess..."

 

after much realization, i knew i liked guys and still liked girls and that was ok too. it was a true moment of peace for me. i was 47 years old at the time

 

Well, it was pretty easy for me. I just simply found out on my own that I like both guys and girls, though I'm still a bit picky with the types of guys I like. I'm more partial to the lean and shy kind compared to the big and outgoing kind. I relate better to the former.

 

I don't even know who Shane Dawson is.

I'm with Linthras on this. Jax...why should being bisexual be a challenge to acceptance? In a word...what is wrong, in your eyes, with being attracted to both men and women?

 

"omg I like girls... But I also like boys... I think I'm bisexual... No, it's impossible, i'ts just a phase, omg i'm such a poser." -11 years old me.

Then I spent like a years thinking about it, and thinking I must be straight becayse I liked boys more, but then I had a crush on my best friend (I never told her) and one day she told me we couldn't be friends anymore, and I couldn't stop thinking about her! Then I forgot about boys and started to have crushes in different girls. But one day I liked a boy, etc, etc.

And after 4 years of being a mess I finally accepted that i'm bisexual.

 

Well, I just like cute people. Cute people can be of any gender. I just love whoever I love and don´t find it necessary to limit myself with any specific orientation. ^^

 

I just watched Shane's video and I can definitely relate to him in some ways. I believe it took me about 5/6 years to acknowledge, accept and come to term with my bisexuality. I believe that I started feeling attracted to girls around 14 (even if one could question if my strong friendship with girls as a child weren't crushes) but went into denial mode finding excuses that would justify feeling that way. Hormones/ a phase by which everybody go through and blah blah blah and pretty much convinced myself that I was straight for the next couple of years even though there would be a few casual girls that I would find attractive or even though I would secretly find myself attracted to anything LGBT related (movies, music etc..) especially girl/girl ones and most importantely even though I had already experimented with a girl. But I genuinely closed my eyes and mind to all signs of bisexuality until I was about 18 when it became impossible to deny it.

At 18 I moved to another country for a couple of months and there I met a girl, and for some unexplicable reasons I felt myself absolutely drawn to her, to the point that I couldn't have denied it had I wanted to. That's when I realized that what I was feeling for her wasn't even remotely friendship or admiration (in the sense that I didn't want to be her like I thought I wanted to each time I looked at a pretty girl. I wanted to be with her.) This freaked me out at first by how real it was. It was also amazing to hang out with a girl that was so confident and fine with the fact that she was bi which made it much less terrifying that it sounded at the time. She had a boyfriend and while we were very obviously attracted to each other we both silently agreed that we would not act on it, for respect for him. (He could tell though as he told her he was sure I was a lesbian and was very protective of her over me, which was fair enough.) She made the thought of being with a woman possible, the problem was that I obviously didn't dare to have a frank conversation with her because of her boyfriend and couldn't talk about it with my friends as I didn't feel anywhere near ready to remotely come out. So I stood by her side and enjoyed the moments I spent with her until I had to go home. Once out of her country though, I went back into denial mode. There it was easy to be comfortable as potentially bi but in my home town where everybody knew me as straight it wasn't, so I just went back to dating guys while telling myself that this girl was an exception. Until this year where I moved out again to another country and started hanging out with a group of girls (and guys) that for most happened to be bi-curious and while they seemed to take their little 'make out session' with girls lightly I realized that I took it much more seriously than they did, I wasn't into any of them really but it was nice to hang out with girls that were bi-curious as for the first time since the other girl I could feel more like 'myself' I knew I could kiss a girl or talk about girls without them batting an eyelid and it was GREAT. Then I met this girl and I realized that I was probably bi, confessed to one of my guy friend and almost immediately realized how much sense it made and starting coming out naturally.

I can't believe it took me so long to stop being in denial and realizing that the word 'bi' made so much sense to me and was so related to my situation and there was nothing shameful about being bi. I am proudly bi now and happier than ever even though sometimes I feel like Shane and wish I was just lesbian...or straight. Because sometimes it's confusing to like both, to not be able to pick a camp. Thankfully though most of the time I am not overwhelmed by it.

Ps : sorry for the huge post but I figured I might as well post my entire journey as I had to went through quite a few adventures to finally find myself.

 

Shane Dawson is a youtube comedian- I have not known about him prior to watching is coming out video which is really good, I recommend watching it.

I cannot speak for Jax, but I can totally see why being bi would be a challenge- for numerous reasons.
Eg. some people have a more monogamous inclination & want to have a certain security in knowing at least with what kind of gender person they will 'end up' with.

Some bi people experience swings in the way their attraction works- eg one period of time they will be mostly into the same sex, at others mostly into the opposite - it can present a challenge to integrate this flexibility into a whole, especially when you find yourself with a parter of the sex/gender who is outside of your current attraction zone.
It might be also painful to realise that despite being bi, you have a preference, and are currently with a partner who is not within your preference.

The fact that society views sexuality as a kind of 'either or' affair- makes it also challenging- it might make some people feel that their attractions mutually invalidate each other, which is obviously not true.

Personally as somebody who is somewhere at the gay end of the sexuality scale, I've struggled with bisexuality- because my attraction to men is 'partial' and infrequent and I simply never know if it makes me actually bi, or if to treat is an exception to the rule -it has always been confusing to my sense of self & made me feel like it very much interfered with my identification with an actual strong preference for women.

 

Ok, I'm officially confused. I thought this thread was asking about how we came to accept ourselves as bisexual. But both Moose and the OP are talking as if it's about challenges of being a bisexual.

Of course there are challenges to being a bisexual, and Moose outlines several of them nicely.

But there are challenges to being a woman. To being intelligent. To being creative. To being a caring individual in a largely apathetic society. Those challenges never meant I had trouble accepting myself as an intelligent creative caring woman. They were just part of my own experience of (life = challenge).

Similarly, sure there are challenges associated with being bisexual. But that never left me in denial of my bisexuality.

The questions of challenge and of self-acceptance are two different questions. Which would you like to discuss?

 

All my friends are straight guys and straight girls. When I realized that I’m into dudes I confined in my guy friends first, they sort of brushed it off and were extremely confused “well you don’t look gay?” – Uh well I’m not gay and gay people don’t have a “look” I would argue…

Then I came out to my female friends thinking I’d have more luck with them “Does that mean you don’t find me attractive anymore cause you like guys?” – Well I just told you I’m bisexual so where that come from?...is what I was met with.

It was a real challenge for me because I’m a guy and I’m bisexual, it’s as if I have two strikes against me. I eventually just learned to keep it to myself and not bring it up around them.

 

Actually with regards to my sexuality, it was.

Nope, none of that. I realise I experienced attraction to people regardless of sex/gender and could find nothing wrong with that.

In some cases, like mine, there isn't much of a story.

It certainly does and I'm sure there are plenty of people on this site who did struggle with it, but there are also those who didn't, like myself.

 

Yeah, actually, accepting my bisexuality was about as straightforward and "walk-in-the-parky" as you could really ask for. It was about a 10-minute process at age 16, during which I realized I was attracted to both sexes and could see myself enjoying sex or even settling down with either. At that time I saw myself as exclusively monogamous by nature and could see making such a commitment to either sex...whoever I happened to fall in love with.

Accepting myself as non-monogamous by nature has been the *much* harder and longer road.

If you're looking for internal conflict around my sexuality, then maybe I'm just not one of the bisexuals whose story you're interested in hearing. Or is it helpful to hear from people like me and Linthras as well?

 

It took me many years to do it, but I eventually was able to realize that there was nothing wrong with liking both women and men, my religion (in my own view, so please don't take offense when I say the following if you aren't religious) helped me with this, as it allowed me to take solace in the fact that the Lord makes us all unique and different for a reason, that he made me to like men and women in that way, and that it was okay, because it was natural for me; and right for me.

 

I thought I was pansexual on a whim and it's stuck. The end.