Hi all, It is my first time posting here, and I would just like to thank you in advance if you choose to take the time to read through my story and would really appreciate any opinions on the matter. I remember as a young boy and throughout my early teens I was easily aroused by women and could MO with a rock hard erection simply by imagining me doing things with them. At the same time, I wen't through a period of experimentation which we liked to call 'practicing for when we are with a woman' with one or two male friends of mine, where we frequently made out and had minor sexual contact. What's more important is that I enjoyed it and would look forward to seeing the mentioned friends again just so we could 'practice' some more. We frequently dry humped(naked) but never penetrated but I did find I was aroused by the thrill of it all and did admittedly enjoy the sight of their sexual organs. As we got older, this phase passed and I didn't really think much of it and did not experiment at all again thereafter. Frequently when MOing, without porn at this stage, I would still fantasize about penetrating a man and got more of a thrill from it, perhaps due to the taboo. This is not to say I could not still very effectively MO to the thought of a woman, just that I enjoyed the latter more. Here begins my porn discovery stage around the age of 13-14. Until I was around 16, I masturbated exclusively to straight porn and never really had any problems getting hard but at around this age, I started watching some gay porn as well after stumbling on a video by accident to which I became incredibly aroused. After this, my ability to maintain erections during straight porn declined at a steady rate, until around the age 20, I relied more on gay porn to MO than straight. Interestingly enough, lesbian porn also does it for me a lot of the time. I Think I may just enjoy the taboo factor of both. Now by the age of 21, it is even hard to MO to lesbian porn and I had to rely pretty much exclusively on gay porn to become aroused. Frequently I would watch that until I got aroused enough to continue on to straight porn in order to avoid guilty thoughts. Occasionally, past the age of 16, when I went to MO without porn, it was only really gay thoughts that could do it for me and I remember the erections being and still are quite strong simply by fantasizing, just like it used to be before porn to the thought of women. It is important to mention however, that it is mostly, but not always, twinks/young men/ femenine looking men that I like to MO to, through porn or fantasy. As mentioned previously, as a result of all of this I feel very indifferent to women, where I did used to get spontaneous boners just by looking at them. Not to say I get boners looking at men either, generally, it's just quite inactive down there and hence why I have laid off both MOing and porn for a while. Furthermore, I can't really think of myself of being in a relationship with a man and my romantic fantasies have consisted exclusively of women. Then again, maybe I just haven't really opened my mind to that way of thinking or haven't met the right person. With what I have read online, I would be inclined to think I may have just altered my tastes through porn, but after thinking back to my experiences as a kid and how much I enjoyed them, I think there might be more to the story. Sometimes I wonder if I am actually completely gay, but then I think back to how women used to arouse me and get quite confused. Infact, I remember the butterfly feeling I used to get when making out with girls, and develop intense feelings for them quite early on. In general, I exclusively have romantic fantasies regarding women and have never once imagined myself bonding like that with a man. In my most recent chance I had at losing my virginity, I got easily aroused(but never 100% erections) during make out sessions with a girl, but when it came to do the deed it died down quickly and each time was progressively worse as my confidence dipped, until I was soft even during kissing. It is also important to mention I don't feel particularly uncomfortable about my desires, that is, except for a brief moment after MOing, where I feel slightly off put. Basically, I see nothing wrong with being bi or gay for that matter and might even enjoy it as it opens more doors etc. Being exclusively sexually attracted to men does worry me however as I have on many occasions, had romantic feelings for women, and so far not with any man. I apologise for the long post but it is my first time posting on a forum like this, and once I got writing about my issue, it was hard to stop as it felt very good to get it all out my system. Any opinions would be much appreciated.
The problem with porn is that once you are into it, you'll need new material from time to time. This sounds like you in the case. Whether you are attracted to men in real life I cannot say, but it certainly sounds like you are attracted to women. You may have to do some more digging to find out what your attractions mean, so don't sweat it. I find that many people who have true genuine attractions with the opposite sex talk a lot about gay porn but not much about same sex attractions in real life. This could be you, or maybe not.
