Hi, I'm a 14 year old male and I've been having some issues regarding my sexuality. Ever since early September, I've been questioning whether I am gay or not. The reason why I say this is because on occasion I would catch myself thinking "Oh, that guy is good-looking" or something like that. However, I don't want to be gay. I really don't. I always picture myself getting married with a woman, not a man. Any sexual activities between men makes me feel disgusted and I think it's gross, such as anal/oral. It is very disturbing to me to have these horrible thoughts. I am not romantically attracted to men at all. Every day I have to tell myself, "I am not gay. I am straight and THAT'S FINAL!" However it doesn't help. I am so insecure and I can't come to a conclusion. I would always have these "gay thoughts" and thinking that something is wrong with me. I have a feeling I'll be like this my whole life and it could cause some problems later on. This has really has been bothering me. I really need serious help. I am afraid to go to a doctor, because then my parents will find out about it. "Am I gay or am I straight?" is a question in my mind that happens every day. I have been straight all my life, I've always found girls to be so pretty and I could never even picture myself with a man ever in my future. I've even had horribly disturbing thoughts of me masturbating with other men. That is what makes me feel so uncomfortable... I just want to get out of this horrible disease. Help. Another thing: I DO NOT WANT TO BE GAY. No part of me wants to be gay. Nothing in my heart will change that. No outside thing will change that. I am meant to be straight. My mind just can't f*cking accept that. ---------- Post added 9th Aug 2015 at 02:02 AM ---------- I know this probably sounds like denial, but its really been stressful for me. I know what is happening.
Hello, welcome to EC. First things first, being gay is not a disease and there is nothing wrong with being gay. I think you have just answered your own question though. Thinking of being intimate with a man clearly freaks you out, you want to be with a women and everyone regardless of sexuality can tell when a man is good looking, it doesn't make you gay. You're only 14 years old so you're still going through some changes and you've got plenty of time to figure out what exactly you like. Maybe when you're walking down the street, who do you look at more? Men or women? But you can't think about it too much, that's cheating. Also try being straight for a day and try being gay for a day. What do you feel more comfortable with? No one has to know what you are doing. Lastly, know that being gay doe not make you any less of a human being and if you are actually straight, that's good but if your gay/bi then that's good also. Don't stress, give yourself time, you'll figure it out.
Hey, I understand what that feels like; to be quite honest.. I'm not completely at peace with my orientation, even though I've gradually become used to it.. & I Can't say that in myself I'm even bi. But in your case maybe that's a possibility, but if you honestly have no sexual attraction to guys, then you're not gay. You can have some attraction to guys, but it doesn't mean you want to be with them, it happens. But if you're turned on by a guy, then yes.. you are gay, but if you also are turned on by women, then you're bisexual, & I know you said that you're afraid to go to a doctor. Even if you tell your doctor, it's in their protocol to protect your privacy.. they can't bring their personal feelings to the forefront, as for family or other people, you don't have to come out to them if you're not ready, if you know in your heart that you're gay.. you don't have to come out if you're not comfortable, I'm not one to preach.. it's a very difficult thing to accept, no matter what the media says. If you don't want to accept it, that is your right, but if possible maybe talk to someone who you know won't judge you. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone about it, you're not necessarily coming out.. but maybe just relay the info to someone who will help you through it, & even this website is a good place to start, but regardless of all that I understand your fears, but I don't think it's healthy to be aggressive about it.
You will figure it out eventually. Confusion is a normal part of being a teenager. Most teens are confused, you might have other people dealing with the same issues, but they wouldn't discuss it. As you grow older and gain a more comprehensive view of sexuality, these worries will not bother you as much. Until then, hold on tight. You're going through all this - imagine what somebody who's actually gay is going through, and he/she might even be in your class. As much as I really understand you, I would cool it down with the "it's disgusting" attitude when you're with your friends. You never know if somebody else is actually gay and gets tremendously hurt by it. As mentioned before, being gay is nothing to be ashamed of, and you things will become clearer eventually. Ask any adult how they felt when they were a teen, and it won't always be so positive. Stay strong.
I think that you maybe only appreciate the aesthetics of a man, not the sexuality part. I'm guessing your most likely straight.
