I understand now. There's a parallax worm-parasite that has an iron-fisted grip around my brain stem, causing me to think irrational thoughts, thoughts I'd otherwise find abhorrent and unnatural, it feeds off of the dopamine produced by these aberrations of its design and draws strength once or twice every two to three months, lulling me into a false sense of security, making me think it's loosened its grip when in reality it's only fallen asleep. When it wakes up it is thirsty for more. It needs that positive pre-shock, you see. That jolt of "my God, what have I done" is what sends it back to sleep. The feeling that it everything is fine is what it wants, it feeds off of false security and creates a circular logical loop circuit that brings me back to where I was. If it doesn't get that, it triples strength, triples the dopamine and produces more dysfunction. The worm will not stop feeding. I don't know how to get rid of it. I know exactly who put it there, but the 'why' is what eludes me. I am broken.
