I am straight male and currently dating a woman. We've been together for 3 years and she's wonderful. Though she chooses to be a virgin till marriage. I respect her decision and don't try to pressure her into sex. Problem is is that I'm a guy who(like most) want sex. On top of no sex French kissing in general apparently grosses her out so I'm not allowed to have intimate moments like deep kissing as well. I'm restricted to holding hands and normal kissing. I feel like in the 3 years we have been together she has never once showed any kind of sexual attraction towards me which leads me to think that even if we do get married theirs a chance of their still being either no sex or very little of it. One day my friends take me to a gay night club. Two are guys(straight) and 1 woman(lesbian). We order a few drinks and sit down to smoke hukkah in some lounge area in the club. I'm intoxicated but not enough to be flat out drunk and I can still talk normally etc. Later on a transgender and a gay man sit next us and we all begin talking and laughing having a good time. Till the gay man starts sending me sexual vibes as he's sitting next to me. I don't feel grossed out at all and feel perfectly fine with it as I talk with him. Next thing I know he starts initiating a kiss and instead of doing what must straight guys would do by saying no I let it happen and kiss him back. He starts holding my hand and we continue kissing deeply. During the kissing I don't feel any kind of sexual attraction towards him and I felt rather bland about the whole thing, though it was rather thrilling but I could not feel any sexual attraction towards men rise within me sort to speak. I'm extremely confused. I don't feel any sexual attraction towards men what's so ever and yet I didn't feel weirded out by making out with a man, though i did feel really guilty that I kissed someone other than my girlfriend. I think it was perhaps that it felt nice to have someone take a sexual interest in me after 3 years in being in a sexless and void of intimacy relationship with a woman that I didn't care who i was kissing, it was just nice to feel wanted I suppose. Though i still can't reason out why I felt okay with kissing a man? I'm a just neutral when it comes to homosexual related things? I still love my girlfriend and I'm not a firm believer that sex makes a relationship work(though it does add spice to it). I can't talk to her about it since I did technically cheat on her in that moment(I didn't have sex with the man), but it's still considered having an intimate moment with someone other than your partner. I'm not sure if she would break up with me if I told her, but I'd also like to avoid creating awkwardness in our relationship.
I think straight people are often portrayed as being grossed out with homosexual behaviours. You didn't seem to feel aversion to the kiss but that doesn't mean you're any less straight (if that's what you want). Basically, I wouldn't stress about this kiss changing your orientation just because you didn't feel disgusted by it. <3
Well, maybe you could just be going through a phase where you feel sexually and emotionally repressed on a romantic level. With alcohol and recreational drug use in effect, it's easy to see how you might have succumb to a momentary lapse in judgement. It's good that your girlfriend has her standards and it's even better that you respect them. But at some point, you need to realize what your limitations are and properly assess what it is you need for yourself to feel satiated and fulfilled. Maybe she can hold off with intimacy until marriage, but you might not have that same standard or tolerance threshold that she does. Either way, it's best that you realize your limitations and understand the actuality of what you're getting into. You don't want to be so repressed and dissuaded to the point where you end up becoming unfaithful to her in the process and damaging your relationship and friendship too. If you're ready and she's not, and you don't think you have the patience, maybe you guys need to discuss this subject like grown adults. You may be two different people that need two different things in your life at the given moment.
I don't think you have to worry about your sexual orientation at all. If you're not attracted to other men, you're not, and that's regardless of whether you've kissed one or not. That being said, I agree with jalpseon in that you may need to sit down with your girlfriend and have a conversation about intimacy and whether you are comfortable with waiting or not. I know it seems taboo and shallow, but there's nothing wrong with needing intimacy in a relationship, just like there's nothing wrong with waiting until marriage or never being intimate. It's just important that both people in the relationship are comfortable and happy. I also really recommend that you talk to your girlfriend about the fact that you were intimate with someone else. I know it seems tough, but it could be a good way to segue into the conversation about intimacy in general. Good luck, hun.
Hi, am new here..is there anyone here who could share their first bi experience with me? I have not as yet have had bi sex. Thank you.
Hi Natom I think you have explained yourself pretty well what most likely happened- your inhibitions were a bit lowered and you accepted advances from somebody because it feels nice to be wanted. It's very usual to accept advances from people we are not attracted to when our inhibitions are lowered. You don't have to be grossed out by same-sex activity to be straight. Orientation is about attraction. If you feel 'neutral' about the same sex, you are still not 'attracted'. No doubt some people are genuinely repulsed by activity with a person outside of their orientation, but I suspect that many people feel 'neutral' about it, its just that culturally we have accepted the norm that such activity must be 'gross'. But, there is a but- something about about your posts makes me feel like there might be a possibility of other issues which might require digging a bit deeper. You say that you don't think sex is necessary in a relationship- but it is nice to spice things up, and seem to be OK with the possibility that your gf does not like french kissing and sex as such, and that you might face a sexually unfulfilling marriage. And yet when you are not sober, your need for sexual/emotional connection resurfaces to the point of accepting advances from somebody just because they were interested in you. To me this it looks like you are sexually repressed, and I doubt that if you are honest with yourself, you will still think that being in a relationship with your gf will make you happy in the long term. Eventually, those urges to connect and feel sexually wanted, will resurface even in a more powerful way- if you keep denying them, you could eventually become dissociated from those needs and start compromising your integrity in ways more than just kissing somebody in a bar. If you are anyone else short of being asexual- sexuality will not just be about 'spicing things up' in a relationship- it will also be about our deepest need to connect to others in a very basic, animal level. I don't think it is fair to deny yourself this (for the rest of your life- should you get married?!) But this is an issue between your partner and you to solve. However- being in a sex-less relationship can repress your sexual urges. It is a self-defence mechanism, to avoid getting hurt and rejected, and to avoid the pain from not feeling wanted. In this context it might be possible that you have not noticed, or felt much attraction to other men- because your sexuality on a large scale is repressed. This is a possibility- I am not saying that this is the case, but from what you have said about your life it is not possible to exclude this. Something about the sexless relationship- and the way you spoke about it rings to me very strongly 'sexual repression' -and in the context of this forum repression very often comes paired with 'same-sex attraction repression'. Furthermore, sometimes it is easier being in a sexless relationship when a person is repressing their own sexuality, because it is simpler to see the problem as coming from the partner, rather than confront ones own issues. ... I think the best way to proceed is to have an honest examination of your feelings towards your relationship and your partner, whether you can really be ok with the possibility of never having a truly sexually connected relationship with her. When it comes to sexuality- I think the best way to proceed is to *allow yourself to experience it* and to allow for all possibilities of attraction- be it women or men. Give yourself permission to be attracted to men also, and to check them out. Just let your sexuality be- let it float around for a bit, without feeling worried about being straight or not, and let yourself perceive the people around you. Reflect on how women and how men make you feel? Giving yourself permission to be also attracted to men will not change anything if you are straight, but it might help on the off chance that you are repressing same-sex attractions. Good Luck
