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is this weird?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Theshreks, Aug 9, 2015.

  1. Theshreks

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    OK I was at the mall or whatever and there were people of course. I was trying to see where my eye went naturally and it was mostly girls. They were cute but I didn't seem to care. I mean they were guys too but I guess it was just whatever for me. It's like only certain people spark my interest.
     
  2. biAnnika

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    Geez, shreks. I don't know any hetero person who is attracted to *everyone* of the opposite sex; I don't know any gay person who is attracted to *everyone* of the same sex. "Only certain people spark my interest" is true for virtually everybody whose interest can be sparked at all.

    Now I'm trying to parse the difference between girls and guys for you, and what you've written makes it difficult. You mostly noticed girls. Ok, that's something. But you didn't care. As opposed to the smaller number of guys, about whom you felt "whatever". That sounds like a wash to me.

    And yet you say certain people *did* spark your interest. Let's focus there: what was the male/female breakdown among people who sparked your interest?

    And then, just for fun: you were at the mall *or whatever*...but there were people there *of course*. I mean, if you were *really* at the mall, I might agree with "people there" being a no-brainer. But "the mall or whatever" *could* have been a cemetery...or an orchard, in which case, calling the inhabitants "people" is a bit of a stretch. And if it did happen to be a cemetery (as opposed to a "cemetery or whatever"), then go ahead and skip the question about male/female breakdown of people who caught your eye, and instead please enlighten us about *what about them* sparked your interest (but be warned that anything you say could be used against you in a court of law). :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  3. Theshreks

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    Uh..I'll be honest it was mostly girls. There weren't too many guys I don't think. None I can remember. I was noticing face and ass. Those are my two favorite things on a girl. Which is sorta weird I guess.
     
    #3 Theshreks, Aug 9, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2015
  4. biAnnika

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    I don't find that preference strange...you're certainly not alone. Face has always been a primary attractor for me.

    But ok, no guys who caught your interest. Is that because there just didn't happen to be guys there that fit your ideal? Or what exactly leads you to be questioning?
     
  5. Theshreks

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    well there weren't really a lot of guys there actually. I don't really have a ideal guy because I'm new to this I guess? some catch my attention some don't. What do you mean by questioning?
     
  6. biAnnika

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    You list your orientation as "Questioning". I suppose it can mean a lot of things to a lot of people, but I meant whatever you meant by it.
     
  7. Theshreks

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    Oh I put questioning because I don't think I'm that straight and I'm just trying to figure myself out. I just haven't labeled myself yet.
     
  8. biAnnika

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    Right...so my question back in Post #4 was about what makes you question that you're straight?
     
  9. Theshreks

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    Well I've sexted with guys and I've gotten pics and videos. I've enjoyed them and ...finished to them. That's not something a straight person would do I know. A gay or bi person would tho.
     
  10. biAnnika

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    Yup, sounds like a reasonable conclusion.

    So straight is out.

    Based on what you've said about attractions, it sounds like you do have some genuine attraction to women. That would make gay out as well.

    Do you have any reasons to doubt that you're some stripe of bisexual?
     
  11. Theshreks

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    Yeah sometimes I question how strong that attraction to women is. But at the same time I feel like my emotions toward guys are fake. Like I don't feel like myself maybe I just have to get used to them.
     
    #11 Theshreks, Aug 11, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2015
  12. biAnnika

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    Well, my general advice tends to be:

    Don't sweat it. It'll all sort itself out in the end. If you want companionship, flirt with people you (think you) find attractive. If it leads to sex, then you'll get to experience that too. Collect information and impressions: didja like it? Do ya wanna do it again? Maybe, but with someone else? Maybe, but maybe better if it was with a chick?

    There is absolutely no reason you need to know *today* whether your attraction to women is strong or weak; no reason you need to know *today* whether your emotions toward guys are real. Live life; pay attention; have experiences; learn. Before long, you'll know a hell of a lot more than you do now. Unless you require certain knowledge of *anything* before you're willing to have experiences.
     
  13. Theshreks

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    Good advice but it'll be a while before I can do anything like that.
     
  14. biAnnika

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    You miss my point. My advice is to live life and do what feels right. You can start doing that *right now*.
     
  15. Theshreks

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    I know I can. I probably should. I want to stop doing this and do something else with my time. I've been wasting it a lot lately.
     
  16. SiennaFire

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    Hi Theshreks,

    I've read the threads where you were the OP per your ask on my wall.

    I didn't get a clear sense of your orientation based on those threads, other than you are probably not straight. My advice to you is to operate on the assumption that you are bisexual without trying to assess if your attraction to guys is { <, >, = } to your attraction to gals. I agree with biAnnika that it's not imperative to figure this out today and that your best approach is to be open to meeting people of either gender to date.

    I also get the sense that you are uncomfortable accepting that you have some level of attraction to guys, which may help to explain your reticence to date guys. Can you be more specific about what these are? Did you get an anti-gay message from your parents, friends, or church for example?

    I also get the sense that you don't have a lot of experience with guys or gals, which may detract from your confidence. If you meet and date a decent person, they will understand and be supportive if they are a keeper.

    Finally, I get the sense that you are looking to someone to tell you your orientation. Unfortunately this is something that you need to figure out for yourself by getting out and meeting people. With more experiences, you'll get a better handle on your orientation. This is far more effective than pondering the question online (&&&)

    HTH
     
    #16 SiennaFire, Aug 17, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2015
  17. Theshreks

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    Yeah my parents are both against gay people(each has their own reasons) and I've pretty much been seeing it as a bad thing. I think I'd be able to accept it if it wasn't treated like a bad thing.
     
  18. SiennaFire

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    Being gay is not a bad thing. People are born gay, bisexual, or straight. Is having blue eyes better or worse than having brown eyes? Maybe that was a bad example ... but you get the gist.

    Do you believe being bisexual or gay is a bad thing? Or are you concerned with your parents reaction if you tell your parents that you are bisexual or gay?

    I was going to add one more thing. When deciding to date a guy or gal first, please see my sig - specifically the following quote

    This may help to bring clarity either way.
     
    #18 SiennaFire, Aug 17, 2015
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  19. Theshreks

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    No I think being bi or gay is fine but I'm afraid of what my parents might say. My mom has said if I was she wouldn't be happy but she wouldn't put me out or anything. My dad said he wouldn't care.
     
  20. SiennaFire

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    I can be pretty pedantic :slight_smile: In your first post you say that you see it as a bad thing. In the next post you said that being bi or gay is fine but you are afraid of what your parents might say. Which post reflects how you really feel about liking other guys? You have to be brutally honest with yourself to figure this out...
     
    #20 SiennaFire, Aug 17, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2015