for other people struggling to know if they are gay or bi

I know exactly what you are talking about. I pretty much forced myself into believing I was lesbian for a bout a year, but was really uncomfortable with it. I thought to myself about who I like and I realized that yes, I have a preference for girls, but hey, guys aren't that bad! As for your attraction to males diminishing, that is completely normal. Your attraction to both genders can switch back and forth from time to time, so don't worry about it, it happens to almost everyone!

 

I'm experiencing this struggle right now. I called myself lesbian first and then bang, it was like even if I liked girls and I prefer them my mind would start wondering that guys are not that bad either. And as most of my good friends are guys and I get along with them better than with girls oddly enough, I thought that is probably actually possible for me to fall in love with a guy considering how good I get along with guys. Even though I prefer girls for a long term relationship I just felt weird calling myself lesbian as some guys still are attractive for me. I don't really like labels, but if someone would ask me what's my sexual orientation I'd tell them that I'm bisexual. But again, I don't really like labels. I'm just myself.

 

Yeah I definitely get this, it's a big reason why for a while I've been kinda going ??? about using the label lesbian or bisexual.
I feel like lesbian is most likely right for me, and I've been working on accepting that- the issue is that every time I identify as it it's like I'm wondering if I'm valid enough to be one, and I look at my feelings for guys, whatever they may be, and my attraction towards them, however brief/insignificant they may be, and my past. And I just end up going. Huh, well...well
Then I wonder if I'm bi, but then it's almost like my attractions/feelings and interest towards guys are nowhere near substantial enough for me to actually confidently say I'm bisexual-but it isn't like there's nothing there. I don't know exactly who I am- It's kind of an open field for me right now, and I'm just glad I'm okay with that for now.

I really believe the only validation you need to use a label that you think is right for you is your own, but don't worry, this kind of stuff, it happens. I definitely understand where you're coming from. Feel free to use whatever label you feel fits you the best, or none at all if you're comfortable with that as you figure things out. It might become more clear over time.

 

Yes yes yes yes!! I can't tell what I am. Being lesbian is too scary. I have a boyfriend that I live with too.

 

I feel the same way. I feel like what I would naturally label myself tends to oscillate depending on who I'm with and my level of attraction to them. I'm not sure the labels really matter per say. I think they provide us with a safety net, but for some we're not on polar sides of the continuum so it makes it a bit more difficult.

 

I've had this feeling of answers unfolding, but for me it was the other way around.

Labelling myself as Bi instead of Straight made my attractions to men open up more, as its mostly bisexual guys that I like. I really like some girls too, but labelling myself as Bisexual made feel more comfortable with the guys, more so than when i thought I was straight.

I'm still not really very comfortable with the girls I like

 

With some feelings of attraction towards females in the past (as small as it is) I like keeping options open by labeling as bi, even though I still feel i will end up with a guy. I have come across the term 'homoflexible' which sounds more me. But with so many labels out there it can be confusing... even for people of the lgbtq community. So for anyone who asks I'm bisexual. It just seems the quickest way to explain without pulling out the pie chart and showing preferences and then breaking it down into further sexual and romantic feelings.

 

Being a kinsey 4/5, I get how you're feeling. I even tried to experiment the lesbian label in the past, but it felt so wrong... I tried straight, it was almost right. Bisexual? Well, it makes me feel indifferent to it, so... It must be the right name for it, right? I still think that the homoflexible reflects what I feel the best.

 

Yeah, I can relate. But kinda in reverse.

I tend to see myself being with a woman long term, too, which being a guy and all, would make me straight. Sex with women is consistently arousing. I get women. I love women easily. And then I start to think maybe I'm really just straight or heteroflexible.

Until I have a day or two when all I can think about is guys. Or I meet a new gay fellow and have a strong desire to flirt with him. Or I see a guy with beautiful eyes, and think about being his boyfriend. Or start fantasizing about having a husband. Oh yeah. Yup. Still bisexual.

It's these cycling changes in desire that are so darn confusing. But, since they keep persisting, i'm going with bisexual, even though I do lean toward women.

Put simply: Gay men don't love pussy like I do, and straight men don't fantasize about boyfriends. That leaves only one option. Lol

(arguably, though, I could me more precise: I could say I'm biromantic, but sexually heteroflexible, as sex with men doesn't arouse me as consistently. But I'm rounding up to bisexual.)

 

I think the "but what about guys" thing has a lot to do with what people around here refer to as "compulsory heterosexuality/normativity" which means... Basically society wants us all to be straight because people suck. So your mind can play tricks on you thinking you have to keep boys on the table.

My best friend and i are both lesbians, and we both went through periods of thinking well maybe we're bi. Both of us kind of "forced" crushes on men because "that's what we're supposed to do." I even told my friends once that I was saying bi because it felt "safer" and therefore it had to be right.

The only person who knows how you feel about your feelings is you. So only you can answer it, but food for thought.

 

The hardest thing for me has been all the people in my life telling me that being bi meant that I just didn't know what I wanted. I've known what I wanted since I was little, and that was a committed romantic monogamous relationship. I just couldn't pin down with whom!

So I tried to fight against the bi label because I thought it was just a transitional label that people used on their way to becoming a lesbian...

Now I label as Pan because I realize that gender hasn't ever been a part of why I crushed on people, and I further realized that gender doesn't really enter the equation for if I'm attracted to someone. And now my growing up differences all makes sense! :eusa_danc

 

I have the same problem too. Here's how I put it to an end so I just seen a pretty woman walking down the street and il just tell myself of course she's pretty any gay man or straight woman can see that I'm still gay. It's helped me out. Also I try not to daydream about a romantic relationship with a woman because then I just get sad once reality hits me again. Also that last one has helped my overall mood and mental health. I try not to delve too deep into fantasy.