one recurring dream, 20,000 problems

:newcolor:

Hello all, I seriously need help. I've been an out lesbian for nearly 13years, been in a wonderful first long time relationship with a 52year old woman who also took my virginity (had been with 3 other women but wouldn't let them fuck me) for nearly 5 years now.

We took a break for 15months in 2013 til March 2014 because I had a break down and told her to move out, since she has returned I've been having the same recurring dream every night since March 2014, same things happen, same dream, same reaction. Until recently, my dream is getting stronger, more powerful, more things happening, more energy being used up and it's also now causing me to moan out loud (very very loud where I'm actually waking up the neighbours). Now we've found out that if I don't get help ASAP then I will be evicted for noise disturbance.

The dream has me and my partner and we seem to be on our wedding night honeymoon (we're not even married yet) and the dream contains not only most of my fantasies but other things I never thought I would like nor willing to try. But now I'm feel lost and alone, like no-one understands me, last night my partner said I dug my nails into her back so hard that it caused her to jump out of bed in pain. Is it because I've not experimented like most people do in early life? Is it because I failed myself for making myself wait for the right woman to come into my life before giving up my virginity? Is the dream telling me that I need to have more sex, or do more sexual experimenting in the bedroom with my partner? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?

I do have a diary purely for all my sexual dreams, desires, wishes, hopes, fantasises ect which is helpful for telling my partner without actually having to talk, is it a good idea?

The dream is (typed as wrote in my book) :-

(wrote Jan 2015) I've been having the same dream every night since Becki moved back home in March 2014. I can't figure out if there is a hidden message or not, but I wake up very hot, very breathless, and so very sweaty, even the bed is wet with sweat, or should I say soaking wet (due to having to get out of bed for at least a hour to let it dry)

It's our wedding night and the start of our honeymoon, we're in a wooden hut with straw on it, it's a hotel honeymoon suite in a very sunny country, don't know where but it's not Hawaii. We're in out honeymoon suite room and that's where it starts. Bex finally dominates me sexually, ordering me to lay on the bed, naked, on my back, spread eagle. I do as I'm told without questioning her orders. Bex then climbs on the bed and puts a blindfold on me, over my eyes, she then tells me that bad girls have to be punished, after that she ties my wrists and ankles together separately before tying them to the headboard and foot rest bars, so now I'm restrained in a spread eagle blinded position. I giggle nervously at the shock of Bex's sudden dominate side, but get told to stop laughing, then Bex starts to use a feather tickler on me, I try hard to not laugh. After what feels like 5 minutes, I gasp as I feel Bex starting to lick, suck, nibble, bite and gently pulling at my nipples all with her mouth. After what feels like forever, Bex finally starts kissing my neck and whispers in my ear `I've always known your fantasies`. Bex then unties my legs and demands for them to be rested on her shoulders, again, I do as I'm told. Bex then starts to lick the outside of my pussy lips, smelling and tasting her work, whilst doing so she reaches up to massage and squeeze my breasts. Once bored with teasing me and watching me squirm on the bed, Bex then stiffened her tongue a little and starts licking, sucking and nibbling on my clit, she told me that I was banned from cumming until she says so, with that she turns on the bullet vibrator and held it against my clitoral hood whilst she still licking. My moaning getting extremely loud as my arousal gets stronger with the new love making session. All of a sudden Bex then puts 3 fingers inside of me and was thrashing them hard, fast and deep in me, my body shaking like mad from ecstasy and the thrill of trying hard to not cum which was getting harder each second. Then Bex lays me across her lap, she then said `who's my dirty little whore?` In which I shout out `me, mistress` . With that Bex took it in turns to spank me hard with her hand and paddle, we both could feel my pussy juices dripping everywhere. I was then ordered to get on all fours on the bed, Bex then attatches the strap on butterfly clit stimulator on me and puts it on full speed, she then starts to lick my pussy again, but as my body shook more the quicker she stops. Bex then starts to make love to me doggy style and rubbing my clit at the same time, going very hard, fast and deep with her fingers. My agonising moaning was now loud enough to knock down a building. After a while Bex told me that I could cum when ready, which didn't take long, I came everywhere, all over the bed, down my legs, all over Becki and the clit stimulator. My whole body couldn't stop shaking, breathing fast. Bex then pulls me down between her legs, my back against her chest, her legs holding mine open. Bex starts rubbing my already pulsating, hard clit and puts 3 fingers from her other hand inside me, as she rubs my clit hard and fast, she also rubs my G.spot whilst kissing my neck until I cum for her again. Bex then unties my hands and removes my blindfold. We smile at each other whilst she cuddles my tired body, until I fall asleep against her chest and wrapped up in the safety of her arms.

Wrote 8-8-2015 :-

The sexual dream that I wrote in here is becoming more advanced and changing a bit (more things are happening). I don't know what's wrong with me, but maybe the hidden message is telling me to tell Bex so we can try some things that are happening in the dream, which might stop the fantasies and the dream, but it might not. Something needs to be done because I'm not getting a lot of sleep, maybe we need to see a councillor who's qualified in sex in the bedroom problems. The additional bis in this dream is a video recorder camera, bridal carry, more and longer foreplay, made to beg and sometimes every once in a while there is another lesbian watching and controlling the video camera.

Now the dream is feeling more and more realistic, more powerful, and yet I've been told by Becki that neither one of us are touching me at all, in fact my hands are above my head the whole time of me dreaming. Please can someone help us before it's too late, I don't know what to do anymore and I've never felt so messed up before.

:help::help::help::help: