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Out bisexual questioning if im lesbian... Why does this suck so bad?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by FabulousEnding, Aug 11, 2015.

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  1. FabulousEnding

    FabulousEnding
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Iowa
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I can't tell if I didn't get enough time to date women before I found my boyfriend. I love him. He's my best friend. When it comes time to be intimate, I start feeling like a lesbian. Penises have lost their desirability. I like the feel of it though. I don't know if I just don't have much of a sex drive or that I think sex in General is gross or if I really am gay. There are many times I wish he were a woman. I don't want to break up with him though. But he found out I'm questioning and now it feels real and makes me feel nauseous. I told him I'm just confused and I don't want to be gay. He got mad at first because he thought I fell for someone else but there isn't anyone. I have had this in the back of my mind for years, but I declared myself bisexual and moved on. Then I questioned again and I concluded I'm 75% gay 25% straight, but I love my boyfriend and I don't want to break up so 25% is enough. I'm so confused and scared. I don't want yo be gay. It's different than the entire life I've known so far.
     
    #1 FabulousEnding, Aug 11, 2015
  2. WhoAm I

    WhoAm I
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    If you don't want to be gay, you probably are not. It is normal to be scared; finding out your sexuality is not what you first imagined it to be is a scary thing that can be nerve-racking. However, the sooner you accept who you truly are, the better. You have the entire rest of your life to figure out who you are. If you are bisexual, great! If you are gay, cool! If you are straight, awesome! Don't be afraid of your preferences.
     
    #2 WhoAm I, Aug 11, 2015
  3. fern

    fern
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    I think it sounds like you might be bi with a preference for women. you said you may not have had enough time to date women before you met your bf...but you did date women before? in general did you more enjoy being in those relationships?
     
    #3 fern, Aug 12, 2015
  4. FabulousEnding

    FabulousEnding
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Iowa
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I dated a woman before I met my boyfriend. I have bipolar and was severely manic at the time. I'm stable now on meds and no longer in psychosis. When I dated my ex I was very homophobic and sexist about it. I was so scared. In private I was All over her but in public, I kept a distance. I was terrified of losing straight privledge. I already get so much discrimination from having a disability, what comes with being gay is hard. My boyfriend thinks I'm gay cause sex has never felt like anything but pity sex with me. I just can't stop wishing my boyfriend were a woman. I'm so freaking confused. I avoid being friends with women and have tons that are guys.

    ---------- Post added 13th Aug 2015 at 08:34 AM ----------

    The one thing I know for sure is that I am NOT straight.

    ---------- Post added 13th Aug 2015 at 08:38 AM ----------

    I'm also terrified of hurting my boyfriend and his son. It feels like if I were gay, I'd be selfish for breaking up with him. I hate being bi. I hate that I can't be satisfied being with a man, even with as much as I love him.

    ---------- Post added 13th Aug 2015 at 09:00 AM ----------

    I want to be satisfied with him. I want to settle down and not have to turn our lives upside down. Ugh I hate this...
     
    #4 FabulousEnding, Aug 13, 2015
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