I’m female and in my late 20s and have ALWAYS been straight. I’ve been sexually attracted to only *certain* girls throughout my life, but only in a playful, admiring way, never romantic. My first sexual experience, around age 11ish, was with my best female friend (straight) because, growing up in extremely religious homes, we thought it was “ok” by god because we weren’t with boys and we were really curious and just damn horny from puberty. As an adult, I’ve only kissed one girl when we were both drunk and thought nothing of it. I’ve always been comfortable with my sexuality and, while I was aware of my rare same-sex attractions, I never gave it any thought—until now. This year, I went through an excruciatingly painful divorce. While in the throes of legal proceedings, I became very close to a girl who'd been an acquaintance for a while. But I also noticed I felt 'different' around her….. I’m also about to relocate to another state, and I kept thinking to myself: “Maybe I’ll have a fling or two with a woman to finally see what it’s like. I’m single and free and in a new city, so why the f*ck not?” THEN….a few weeks after the divorce was finalized, my ex tells me he’s gay. TOTAL SHOCK. Literally, biggest shock of my life and frankly everyone else’s too. As I’ve been working through the pain and confusion, it made me wonder: if HE of all people could be gay and “not know”……then could I be too? Then I started reexamining my feelings for my friend…..and I think……I like her. I have NEVER liked a girl. EVER. Just her. Or do I really???? Then I started questioning why I *really* wanted to experiment with a woman when I move…. Then I remembered (b/c I had suppressed this memory) my 11-year-old experience with my friend, and wonder what it really meant…. Now I’m going INSANE reexamining my entire life. I know for a FACT I like men and dick, but…..Just total confusion. I can’t tell if I’m just confused because of all the pain and emotional trauma I’ve been through and now learning about my ex (i learned only recently)…….or if I’m legitimately questioning my sexuality. So, that’s why I’m here. :bang::icon_sad: Any advice would be extremely appreciated.
Hey Journey23, Welcome to EC! First of all, take a deep breath and relax. You do not need to rush to any conclusions, this is about you and yourself. Stay calm When thinking about men, do you feel attracted to them? Sexually, romantically? What about women, do you feel attracted to them? When you imagine yourself in a relationship, do you think you could be happy with a man or a woman, or you would be happy with any of them? Again, the greatest advice for you is: stay calm. You don't need to pressure yourself or rush to any conclusions. Take your time We are here for anything you need. Hugs (*hug*)
Well, I can tell you with 100% certainty you aren't a lesbian :icon_wink Seriously, I can see you are struggling and would encourage you to explore your feelings with a woman. Perhaps you are bisexual, and recognizing and experiencing it can really help increase your understanding of who you are.
Thank you, Chiroptera! You're right, I need to stay calm and take my time. I've been through so much this year that having answers of any kind, sooner rather than later, is helpful, but I know I need to chill out. Yes, I'm extremely attracted to men in all aspects and can see myself continuing to be in relationships with them. When it comes to women, I'm not sure at all because I've never really even considered it until recently, so it's hard to say. What I do know is this: My desire to hook up with a woman is getting intense, and it went from just wanting to have fun to really wanting to know who I am. Sex is extremely important to me; I have an unusually high sex drive for a female, so I'm sure that if all goes well in the bedroom with a girl, then I could probably see myself in a relationship with one. What I also know is that I'm crushing hard on my friend, to the point where I'm either going to have to tell her or pull away from the friendship because my feelings for her are getting intense. This crush, I'll note, is WAY WAY different than any feelings I've had for a guy. I would imagine it feels a lot like how hetero guys feel about a woman they like: I adore her and think everything about her is adorable and sweet; I want to hold her and protect her and make her feel cherished and that she's the most beautiful girl in the world....you get the idea. WTH are these feelings?!?! I'm STRAIGHT!!!
