When I was about 30, I started having gay dreams - they started off quite subtle, but eventually ended in kissing other guys - this is despite never having ever had a gay thought, only ever being with women. It's confusing, but I realize there are probably so many other people on this forum going through other stuff that's just as confusing - has this happened to anyone else?
Hello Luke. Well, I am not the most sorted person at the moment.. But I can try helping you out Have you always identified as totally straight? Umm ,growing up, did you always have crushes on girls or did you harbour any crushes or something equivalent towards guys? Could it be something that's surfacing now? Were you curious before your dreams began or was it something sudden? I'm sorry that's a lot of questions, but that's what came to my mind..
I don't think I've heard of it manifesting itself through dreams before (clever you)...but there are *tons* of people who don't start to figure out their sexuality until after 30. Frequently, once they start accepting themselves, they start seeing all kinds of evidence *throughout* their lives that points to the fact that this is really nothing new...just something they've been unconsciously repressing for years. I have no clue if you're in that boat or not. If it's just dreams, then they could well be...just dreams. But they have affected you enough that you signed up as a member here and listed your sexuality as questioning. What do *you* think is going on?
Whether they are in dreams or in fantasies, these images have had some sort of effect on you, so the real question is: how did you feel when you saw yourself kissing another guy? I'm talking about that immediate gut feeling, not yet overlaid with any censoring or other thoughts that could lead you to dismiss or deny these feelings. As biAnnika wrote above, it does seem to have awakened something in you that has prompted you to come here, something significant, I suspect, and worth exploring further.
It's pretty hard to explain it all really, there's a bit of back story which I've tried to explain as best I can in my introductory thread on the welcome forum, but I'd never ever had a gay thought previously, and I've been in various straight relationships before with girls. The change in "thoughts" was very sudden and hard to come to terms with, as the dreams got more intense - I started to notice that I would often wake up with an erection. I've also started chatting to a few gay guys online (just as friends etc) all around the same time as this as well. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/welcome-lounge/188147-first-post-very-confused-overwhelmed.html
Hello Luke, I went through the first post mentioned by you above. I feel it may be gives kind of an insight. Well, from what I read, it seems you were at a point going through a really bad phase in your life... It was great that you found a friend that you began talking to and sharing thoughts with. You found that you enjoyed listening to pop, which you said you never listened to or previously laughed at. Thats cool! Nothing to be embarrassed about Well, it could be, and I'm not saying that this is THE reason , that you began opening up emotionally to your friend and subsequently to more people ( I'm not sure if i've worded that correctly) and you felt a connect with them( curiosity/genuine)... I'm not saying that could entirely be the reason, but something that happened organically? You also mention that you may be could have been leaning towards the homophobic side.. do you feel there was a reason to it? If the dreams are recurring as mentioned by you, it could be because of the anxiety that surrounds the issue. But then, dreams could may/may not mean anything and don't necessarily reflect reality... I hope you feel better buddy.
Hey myself123, I think you're probably right, most of what you've said makes sense really, it's just trying to come to terms with all these changes that's proving quite tricky.
