After i broke up with my bf with whom i was 1 year in not healthy relationship I dont have any frelings left to give . I start dating a girl she is really good and mature but i am in some weird period i cant even explain it to my self. Like there is no feelings inside me like dead inside, will this be forever? It sucks not being able to give love and to be myself like i was i dont feel like doing anything like nothing can make me happy. I dont want to be thatperson whois in depression. Any advices and personal experience examples would help.
Hi Monak, thank you for reaching out and for trying to figure this out. I'm sure your efforts would go a long way for your girlfriend. I think that your honesty should help. You are striving for something you feel you should feel. I would say to take it easy and take a stance of curiosity. Try to see if you feel anything at any moment. Do you feel frustrated being stuck in traffic, do you feel angry when someone cuts in line in front of you, do you see something funny and giggle? Do you feel calm and relaxed sipping on your favourite beverage with nothing on the agenda? Try and see where you might actually have feelings come out. Which ones are they? (Anger tends to be the first one out of the block, easiest to feel) When do you feel them? at what intensity (scale of 1-10) do you feel them? Can you experiment with your feelings, watch a comedy, is it funny? Trying to get in touch with your feelings in general may help you get in touch with your feelings for your girlfriend. Let her know what you're up to and why you're doing it. Let her know she's important to you and you want to deepen your intimacy and feelings, but you will need time to work on it. Let me know if this helps and how you do, if you do try being an observer of when you feel anything. Good luck!
Thank you for replying i have been trying to be ok but its kinda hard. I feel to insecure and i care a lot what people think ablut me - that i am attracted to women also and i feel shy from it and insecure especially at work.
I definitely don't think it will be like that forever, but it's important to let yourself feel the feelings that you do feel, so that you can deal with them and thereby get rid of them. I think it's also important to give yourself time to heal. You got out of a bad relationship, and you need time to grieve that. Trying too hard to "be ok" or not wanting to be depressed can make it worse, because it makes you you block out your feelings and not allow yourself to feel depressed or sad. It's okay to be depressed, and it's okay to be sad or angry. Of course, one should try to look at the bright side, but it's also okay to sometimes say "I am not okay."
You are right i should let myself feeling sad and grieve but i am so angry the only thing i am is i am angry at me and him. Angry at me why i was loosing yime with immature person and let it be for so long. I cant accept how stupid i was.
As hard as it might sound, it's something you'll have to accept eventually, although I get the feeling. A few months ago, I left an unhealthy relationship of three years, and I spend quite some time being angry at both me and him. Angry at him for wasting my time and being so unhealthy for me, and angry at myself for, well, wasting my time with someone who gave me nothing in return. I came to realize eventually that the time was not entirely wasted. After all, I did learn a lot about what to do and not to do in a relationship, and what I'll want from future partners. I'm sure you took some knowledge with you from your last relationship too. And I'm sure you weren't as stupid as you think you were. You didn't know it was going to be like this when you entered the relationship. We all want to believe the best about our partners, and we all try to hide the flaws from ourselves because we want to the relationship to work. It's not stupidity so much as it is survival and coping, in my opinion.
I am sorry to hear that. I cant even imaginr what you have been through to end that relationship. He says he wluld change and eveything would be different but i cant trust that. Why he didnt try to change before when i was saying he will lose me if he continues to act like that etc. and now when i lost interest and start dating a girl he would change, really ??
It's only normal to feel emotionally drained after ending a bad relationship. If I were you, I would talk to your girlfriend about what you're experiencing, and maybe take a break from that relationship for a while as well, to try and get in touch with yourself and your emotions. If you do decide to take a break, be sure to express clearly to your girlfriend that she hasn't done anything wrong; you just feel like you have nothing left to give and it's hurting you, because you do care about her and want to love her, but it's hard for you at this point. Don't cut yourself off from her completely, either. Keep her in your life, but just be sure to take some time for yourself to get your feelings sorted out. Good luck and I hope my advice helped! ^_^
He seems like he took you for granted, and is now desperate to have you back although he probably had plenty of chances when you were together. It sounds like you need some distance from him. I know from first-hand experience how hard it can be to completely cut ties with someone, but it can happen gradually. I stopped replying to texts from my ex, I only contact him if he contacts me first and REALLY needs my help with something, and I'm working on cutting that out too. In this case, I don't think you and he can remain friends, not if you want to get through those left-over emotions you have from the relationship, I'm sorry to say it. Good luck with it all (*hug*)
He had thousands of chances and he was only getting worse all agressive yelling at me and fighting for stupid reasona all bc he was insecure about everything and can do the same thing again it was a torture for me it too my strenght and my happiness i dont know what is the right thing to do it hard. Idk how i could still care about him it drives me mad i dont need that. I deserve much better
I think not being completely free from your previous relationship is hard on your current one and on you in general. You're in the aftermath now, and it might take some time for that period to pass (no pun intended). There is lots of great advice above and I don't know what else to add. I just wanted to say you're great and I wish you happiness. (*hug*) Also, if you're feeling stressed, this site is great: calm.com lots of love ♥
I shouldn't have start with that girl i feel bad for her like i used her to get over him. i am the worst person ever. and i am so depressed now with suicidal thoughts idk where i am heading like this this is not good.
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad. If you're ever in serious trouble, please call the US national suicide prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. I think you're a great person, and definitely not the worst. Please don't think so badly of yourself. It could possibly help you to see a therapist or so if the thoughts persist. Please be safe, honey. hugs
