Well since I last wrote I was fairly confused. I didn't really know where I stood with everything. I think I am just having difficulty putting myself in a bisexual stance I guess. Because it is a type of undefined thing. I know about the kinsey scale and I guess I would put myself in a 1. Anyway, I stopped watching porn and mentally I mastrubate only to women now,the sex is better than ever before ,whereas before I mastrubated to both straight and gay porn while I found gay porn more arousing ,the sex was not as good. The orgasms also feel better. I also found out that I sometimes have this intrusive thoughts that go:"Quit fooling yourself you are probably just closeted" And like sporadic sexual thoughts that are about both men and women .I mean I definetly dont want to be dishonest with myself in any way. But I experimented with a guy one time and while we talked on the internet I was horny as fuck(note ,this was still in my porn watching days),i just didnt find it enjoyable when it came to the deed.Not like disgusting,but I just didnt get hard, it was like touching my elbow or something, he was attractive and all but ,just wasnt my cup of tea I guess. Now I also asked myself who do I see with for the rest of my life and I see myself with a woman because I like the curves,sensitivity, softness,smile,smell and basically everything of women.But sometimes I over romanticize them. I by no means rule out dudes because living with one would be probably awesome, like the practicality would be wonderful I guess, video games, pizza and stuff. But my problem comes from relationships. Whenever I am with a girl. I hold them to a really high standard, I think I forget they are human as me and can also be gross sometime, thus diminishing some of my expectations. I also feel like I have never been in love, although now there is this one giirl I am talking to and she is wonderful , smart beautiful , confident and I am afraid that I will ruin it again by holding her to impossible standards.I mean everytime she writes to me I get this huge ass grin, and I think about her when I go to sleep and when I wake up. And at the same time I have this thoughts what If you screw it all up and that you are only using this high standard stuff as a veil to mask your latent homosexuality.
Hello Japanese dog. I am not the most sorted person a the moment, but I can try sharing my thoughts about what you have mentioned above. Like you said, you end up holding high/impossible standards when it comes to relationships that you have. Do you think there is a reason behind it? Do you think you have always done so? I am not saying it could be an unconscious mechanism to make yourself think ' I'm pretty much straight' or something to that effect. But you can give it a thought. If you ever see yourself in a relationship with a guy, do you think you would see it any differently? Not keeping high standards.. or something perfect/ideal? You say you didn't enjoy the sex the one time you tried it, so I'm not sure how much that should weigh in. Then again, porn - gay/straight doesn't necessarily reflect you orientation and an unreliable indicator of sexuality. I understand your confusion, but I hope you feel better.
It depended on the girl to be honest. I was with a few who I knew had flaws like any human being but I still regarded them as perfect.The last time I felt these high standards was with my ex,but we met through the internet and when we met she wasnt the same personality wise as she was on the internet. She just changed. So then I started resenting her for it. I think that dating guys would be much of the same deal in a way. Yes some things would be easier but I would get challenges elsewhere. Like I also do the high standards things sometimes with friends,family and other people. I mean I always put them on this pedestal and watch them fall from it. I think my own insecurity projects on them, with he things they fail(school,sociallife,sports,love).Now I have noticed that the more success I started achieving in life ,the more I accepted people with flaws and started being indifferent and supportive of them.
Apart from the one experience that you had with a guy, have you ever been physically with dudes apart from that? Growing up, was it always only/predominantly girls that you were attracted to? It is very human to have high expectations from friends, family and yes, in relationships- to have this IDEAL person with all the xyz qualities. I can identify with you. But its only right to accept people for what they are, with their flaws, which are doing, and that's great. Well, what according to you, would be the problems you would encounter in regards to being in a relationship with a guy vs a relationship with a girl?
Nope, I mean I never really had the urge. After that or before that. And yes from beginning I didnt care about neither sex but when puberty kicked in I was starting at girls all the time,fantasizing about them. Yeah I know what you mean,I mean it is really odd when you start transitioning from child to a "man" and start noticing flaws about your parents which you thought were always right. So right now this is also a struggle,to be realistic ,because I expect from myself a lot and hold others to this regard.I think I should just focus more on myself in regards to personal development. Well girls begin to be very moody and sometimes irrational , you know? They do things even though you explain whats the problem they are encountering and how to fix it and support them to the end,they still do everything in their own way.And this frustrates me to no end. But they are very nurturing which I love and they are kind and try to always find the best in you. With guys I would say that they might as well be the same,since men are even more stubborn in the "my way or the highway" mentality if i think of it now. Sure men are from mars and women from venus, but you can find an irrational guy just as well as a rational girl. Its just that on a friendly level I could never be friends with girls, only lover/friends, like friendhsips would either end or evolve into romance. Part of me is because I think I fail to look at them as a person just like me. With guys, its easier to make friendships since you can talk about a variety of subjects I usually avoid with girl because I fear of coming off as a rambling mess. Now dating with guys,I would have no idea.It is really all relative in the way what you find in life. I could probably fall in love with either gender, if the right person comes along. I think most people could, just look at the greek and other ancient cultures.
Yup. It is very natural to try to fix the other person and bring them to a standard where you begin perceiving it as 'ideal' .. but I think it more important and it definitely is a struggle, to let that go and work on yourself . You can only help and make them understand to a certain extent/till a point, not more. Like you say, the 'my way or the highway' mentality could be associated with men or women. But you could also meet a man who you find kind, nurturing, loving.. and not just associate that with a woman. You talk about how you cant really be just friends with a girl. That is interesting. Is it because you naturally feel that it should/must evolve into more ? Something like the phrase ' A guy and girl can never be just friends' type of things? Is it just very natural or could that stem from any insecurity? It would also help to think to yourself that with guys do you think you have ever felt a sense that " hmm.. could this go on another level' physically-emotionally anytime?
Its natural if I find the women attractive I will start to pursue something more. I have to note that I do have some female friends,when I think of it, they just are not so intertwined with the guys I usually go to the pub. I mean the man downstairs takes over when I talk to an attractive women. Sometimes I have had just rushed into things and then backed out,seeing as the woman wasnt right for me. Never really, it was always we are great friends .
The fact the you only experimented with a guy during your porn watching days and none before or after could be telling. Like I said, I feel porn is a reliable aspect to indicate sexuality. Sometimes, the taboo aspect of it makes it arousing. 'I mean the man downstairs takes over when I talk to an attractive women.' Do you get similar feelings when you talk to an attractive guy? If not, I would lean towards the idea that 'this high standard stuff as a veil to mask your latent homosexuality' felt by you could be more of an anxiety that means nothing and lesser of what you think it is. ---------- Post added 15th Aug 2015 at 06:22 PM ---------- Sorry I meant - I feel porn is an unreliable indicator of sexuality. Sometimes, the taboo aspect of it makes it arousing.
Thanks man for your input. You helped me answer some questions. Really appreciate it. I love how kind this board is, there should be more people like this in real life.Really chill and stuff. And to that question no, I dont. Its more like with any other dude talk. If anyone else would like to add their 10 cents to the question I would appreciate it. Its good to keep this spirit of debate open
It sounds like you're attracted to both, but more so towards woman, and since you find guys attractive as well. Have you heard of the Kinsey scale? It sounds like you're 2 or below. I could be wrong though.
Yeah I heard of it,did a lot of reading on it. Supposedly the majorit of humans are bisexual. I would definetly agree. But its really frustrating to be somewhere inbetween you know? I think people have this obsession to put everything in boxes, like an instict when you are arranging tools,dishes whatever. Especially sexuality. Its a thing that isnt so widely discussed. Thanks for the thought.
