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Being wrong about my sexuality- is this common?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by RavenTheRat, Aug 14, 2015.

  1. RavenTheRat

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    Hi all :3
    So, about a year ago I realized I was not straight. I called myself bi for about three months. But then I felt I wasn't very attracted to males, and thought I probably just felt that little bit of attraction because of social conditioning, so I figured I was gay.

    Simple right? Nope.

    I started calling myself gay instead of bi becuase I felt a pressure. I felt like no one believed I actually existed. I was worried maybe I was imagining an attraction to girls. So I think I slapped "lesbian" on my forehead to get rid of that. But there was always SO much doubt. I was lying to myself, and I knew it, but still I couldn't stop- I was afraid people just wouldn't believe I existed. The only people I told were my deviant art friends.

    A thought started in the back of my mind. I thought "It'd be nice if I didn't have to slap a label on myself and I could just say I'm in love. No matter what gender." I tried SO hard to push it as far away as possible. But...........

    I started thinking about it more. And......... do you know that weird feeling? That one you get when you've finally got it? When you finally know what's really right, and suddenly just every inch of your body relaxes? I had that.

    So...... I'm pansexual.
    Wow. Feels good to say that out loud.

    And I'm so happy to finally stop putting myself in a tiny bitty box and just love who I want regardless of gender. I'm ready to love anyone :kiss:
    I feel like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders :slight_smile:


    But is this..... common? To take long to figure out your sexuality? To maybe get confused along the way? Becuase when I said bi, when I said gay, there was doubt in my mind. A lot. I could feel it like a cloud. I don't feel it this time.

    Has this..... has this happened to any of you?
     
  2. waternation

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    Yeah, I feel a little somewhere between pansexual and gay but I labelled 'bi leaning towards girls' for a while. tbh, I'm not sure exactly what I am. I'm more attracted to girls, yeah, but when it comes to love and not just attraction I don't think it matters. Is it important to be attracted to someone that you love? well, yup, but if you love them, somehow that also makes you attracted to them... I'm not sure how this all works and I am still kind of confused, although I have gained a fair bit of clarity since coming on EC and even in the last two years I have gone from labeling 'straight' (so much suppression and feeling miserable) to... whatever I am now. Pansexual with a preference? i'm not sure. I'm giving up on labels tbh. but i could love anyone irregardless of gender, yeah. if i love someone i could be intimate with them regardless of gender, yup. But still... there is that lingering feeling that guys are more of an exception to my orientation rather than the focus of it. that's why it's so hard to define...
     
  3. RavenTheRat

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    Woah. That's a huge tangle. Well, I have a new saying. Sexuality is a bitch. :lol:

    But really, I never had one preference over another, I just lied to myself that I did becuase I felt afraid......

    But if you don't want labels, don't use them! Be whoever you want to be <3

    I do becuase well, I have Aspergers, which is a type of disorder on the Autism spectrum. Labels help me feel secure. I feel really lost and scared without them........
     
    #3 RavenTheRat, Aug 14, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2015
  4. GreenPanRose270

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    Congratulations!
    By the way, it isn't uncommon for people to take years and years to figure out what they want.
    I have a friend who identified as asexual for around two years, but then started doubting himself, because he realized he was actually gay. All in all, took him about 5 years to find that word to describe his sexuality.
    Also I couldn't help but notice that you are coming out to your school soon? Wishing you the best of luck with that! ^_^
     
  5. Hopeful

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    I knew I was questioning for a while but it wasn't until more recently that I realized I consider myself pansexual. Though... Sometimes I box myself in a bit by saying I'm bisexual since it's more commonly known.
     
  6. RavenTheRat

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    Thank you so much! Phew, it's a relief to hear other stories and know I'm not the only one :slight_smile:

    Yes I am! Thank you so much :3
    I'm joining the True Equality Club and basically I'm just going to date whoever the heck I want and if people ask about my sexuality I'm going to tell them without shame :slight_smile:
    If I had a way to come out to the entire school at once I'd do it xD But joining the TEA club is basically coming out becuase although it's open to everyone, there are almost no non-LGBT students in the club xD

    Really though, thank you. Reading this was such a relief to me :slight_smile:
     
  7. GreenPanRose270

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    No problem! ^_^
     
  8. XenaxGabby

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    You're preaching to the choir, Raven!
     
  9. guitar

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    It's actually quite common. I didn't figure out mine until 23 or so.

    If we knew everything about ourselves we wouldn't need therapists. Often times otbers can see things in us 30 seconds after meeting us we've missed all our lives. Our biggest blind spot is often ourselves.
     
  10. WhoAm I

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    Well I'm 14 now (AFAB, Assigned Female At Birth) and started doubting my sexuality at the middle of 13 when I had a huge crush on a girl. I started off as bisexual, but noticed my eyes tended to land on woman way more than men. So, I called myself a lesbian. It seemed okay at first, but after a while I got uncomfortable when I used the word about myself. I noticed I wasn't really that against guys, though I preferred girls. So, i came to the conclusion I am bi with a preference. And as you said, a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I think it's common with a lot of people, so don't worry!
     
  11. Moonflower

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    It is common to take a long time to figure out your sexuality. Take a look at the threads under LGBT Later in Life and you'll see people coming out in their 30's, 40's and even later! You have time to learn about yourself. Take as much time as you need. And yes, definitely, you'll know it when it feels right to feel it and to say it.
     
  12. waternation

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    ah, yeah it can be >< I don't really use them when defining myself to myself... because obviously I know who I'm attracted to. it just makes it hard to explain to someone coming out (which isn't just a one-time thing) and also feels kind of frustrating when an attractive guy with a nice personality is interested in me.. but i just feel really "meh" and want a girlfriend. But I do like some guys :/ just not *as* many.

    That's understandable too why you would feel comfortable having a label then... If you don't mind me asking, in what way weren't you attracted to males? i find unless they are really physically attractive it is hard to be interested (which makes me feel kind of shallow), but there are also a lot of nice looking guys with horrible personalities too :confused: in every way with guys i am a lot more picky... ahh whatever, congratulations on figuring out your sexuality!!! (*hug*)
     
  13. RavenTheRat

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    Ah, I see :3
    I wasn't attracted to males as much because before last year the only guys I'd ever met threw shoes at me and were gross and immature and never worked hard in school.
    But, after going into high school I met more guys that were mature and kind, and that shared my interest. That's what kind of restarted the attraction. :slight_smile:

    Thank you so much! (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 15th Aug 2015 at 06:59 AM ----------

    Wow thank you to everyone who replied to this! It makes me feel so relieved to know I'm not alone :slight_smile:
    You guys are all so amazing.
     
  14. zgirl81

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    You are SO not alone!

    Many people have walls and prejudices built into them from birth by their families. I was raised in a very conservative religious family, and KNEW that anyone who wasn't straight was obviously going to hell......

    And then I started having sex dreams entirely featuring women.

    So I repressed my sexuality and pretended that I was straight. It was the most liberating feeling when I finally came out as Bi after college. I love who I love, and there's nothing I can do about that!

    The way I see it is everyone is like an onion. We all have layers of emotions and understandings, and sometimes it just takes a long time to get through them!
     
  15. Lin1

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    Congratulations !

    Took me a while to figure and accept my bisexuality as it was easy to convince myself that I was straight each time I developed a crush on a guy. I felt so relieved when I finally figured out I was bi and there was nothing wrong about that. :slight_smile:
     
  16. Higs

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    Oh it's quite common I think.
    At 14-15 I thought I was Bisexual, at around 20 I came out as gay and now 2 years later I realised I'm more asexual than anything.

    Sexuality IS a bitch indeed :grin:
     
  17. YuriBunny

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    I went through the same thing. I thought I was bi for a few years, and whenever I'd think about it, it didn't sound right in my head. It's like one part of my brain would say, "You're bi. You like guys and girls," and the other part of my brain would say, "You liar. You're such a lesbian it's not even funny." Then the parts of my brain would argue with each other until I'd get a headache. O.O
     
  18. YinYang

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    Seeing as how I changed what I identified as about 4 times, I'd say this is completely common. I'm still not sure about what label to use. But that's ok. If you say you're bi, then gay, then pansexual, that's totally fine.