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What is my sexuality and how can I find out? biromantic lesbian?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by cl4ire, Aug 15, 2015.

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  1. cl4ire

    cl4ire
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    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    So I've only had one relationship which was with a male, we met online so I kind of felt I was inlove with him even before we met, so as you can see this is an emotional attachment. I feel awful saying this but when we had sex it just didn't feel 'right' like I had fun and I did love him but he couldn't please me by having sexual intercourse alone. I did think of women sometimes.. so this made me think well maybe I'm a lesbian or I'm bisexual? We had a long term relationship and broke up. Since I haven't dated anyone, when I think about my sexuality I can only picture a romantic relationship with a man but sexually I can only picture that I'd 100% enjoy it with a woman. The thing that makes this so difficult is that when I see people I don't check them out and I can't feel an instant attraction, I only feel attracted to people once I know them properly and I'm aware of their personality (this is when the bisexual bit comes in). I've never met a lesbian or bisexual woman that I am aware of idk I feel like I just need to be with a woman to see how it feels but I feel out of my depth, I'm comfortable with flirting and talking to men but with women I have no idea and I just feel awkward, I haven't got any friends I'd trust to discuss this with either, I don't necessarily agree with labels but I feel like I need one for this confusion to be settled in my head.





    Sorry for the essay, I'd really appreciate it if you could share any advice or views on this! thank you.
     
    #1 cl4ire, Aug 15, 2015
  2. YinYang

    YinYang
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    It sounds like you might be heteroromantic demi-homosexual (It's a lot, I know). Heteroromantic means you can only see yourself falling in love with a guy. The Demi part means you don't usually feel sexual attraction without first making an emotional connection. The homosexual part means you only enjoy having sex with a woman. Hope this helps!
     
    #2 YinYang, Aug 15, 2015
  3. LooseMoose

    LooseMoose
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    What you sound fits with the biromantic homosexual label.

    Now- these labels make kind of sense, but also still leave room for ambiguity-
    because it all boils down to who you see yourself dating and being intimate with.

    "Biromantic" is a kind of bisexual- but it also becomes a bit meaningless to call yourself bisexual if sexually you are not compatible with one gender. So it depends whether you can see yourself with one or both physically an emotionally and you think you could be happy.

    If you cannot see yourself physically with guys, in this case it might mean that you are just gay and in the bargaining phase, and the romantic fixation on men, is just due to the fact that you are not used to the idea of being romantic with a woman.

    How you find out is through just letting your sexuality be- let things flow for a while.
    Also give yourself permission to be romantic with women. See if you can date them-or join some groups, and make friends.
     
    #3 LooseMoose, Aug 15, 2015
  4. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    Sexuality is a difficult thing. It can also be that this guy didn't please you, but other guys might.

    If you feel like you want to be with a woman now, why not market yourself as "bisexual, interested in women" or so?

    And let's say you're with a man again and you still feel like you might have butterflies and stuff, but no sexual attraction. That would be evidence that you're a biromantic homosexual. But if you are... would you like to have a relationship with someone you can't be sexually attracted to? That's a genuine question, btw, not "you shouldn't...". X

    For some sexuality is an obvious thing. For others, like you or me, it might be more difficult.
    I intend to experiment. I have some questions, like, I'm not sure I would be comfortable with dating another woman, but I'm 99% sure I'd like to sleep with one, so, well... the future shall be my guide.

    Moose had a nice suggestion with trying to join groups or make friends or so. :slight_smile:

    Hope that helps!
    xo
     
    #4 Invidia, Aug 15, 2015
  5. cl4ire

    cl4ire
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    You're all lovely, thank you for the great advice and the insight into sexuality. x
     
    #5 cl4ire, Aug 16, 2015
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