Hey there! I've been struggling for awhile trying to figure out my orientation(s) and I was hoping some of you lovelies could give me a little insight? I've never been interested in men sexually; I find their faces sometimes attractive. I didn't get my first kiss until I was twenty...after getting a ton of peer pressure from others and freaking out that maybe, I might possibly be gay. I ended up experimenting with my male best friend. None of it was good. I didn't anything to do with the experience. Since I was 4/5 I've liked girls. And after the failed attempt at figuring things out with my friend I assumed I must be gay. However, last weekend I kissed my first girl. She was a stranger at the bar, very straight and it lasted all of five seconds. My concern is, while it didn't feel wrong like kissing a man, it certainly didn't give me butterflies or arousal. Now I'm more confused than ever...am I asexual? Or did I feel nothing, even as a first kiss because I had no emotional attachment to her? I really hope you all can help. Thanks so much in advance!
Well, my first kiss ever was with an ex from middle school (kissed him in high school) and I felt nothing with him either because, as you've suggested, I wasn't emotionally attached to him. I'm thinking for you that just might be it. You say you're into girls so date around, kiss a few. That spark I'm sure will happen eventually.
Hi, astronaux. This is why I don't usually recommend "experimenting" as a way to understand your sexual orientation. It can work, but it can also be very inconclusive, as you've just realized. It doesn't seem to have answered any of your questions, and instead raised more. Any sexual or intimate experience can go wrong, without it saying anything about your attraction to an entire gender. I know I've had kisses that were not only "not arousing," but even bordering on unpleasant. Hell, I've had a couple that were downright unpleasant. Sometimes it was the technique. Sometimes it was a lack of attraction (both physical and emotional) to the person. Sometimes I just wasn't feeling it. What happened to you may have been similar. Or maybe, because she was straight, you felt it was a kiss that meant nothing, not even mutual attraction, and that turned you off. It could be anything. I would not recommend changing how you identify based on a failed kiss. If I did that, I would be calling myself gay right now. I think it might help you more to focus on the people you are attracted to. The people you want to kiss. Not on one stranger who failed to give you butterflies. (I've only consistently got the butterflies from one person, so far. Your butterflies may be waiting for someone else to come along.)
