Does this fetish sound like latent homosexuality?

I'm referring to what is called a "cuckolding" fetish. It is where a man gets off watching another man have sex with his wife/girlfriend. Sometimes in more bi cases, the man will even perform sexual acts on the other man himself.

My question is, does this fetish sound like repressed homosexuality, or the need to be humiliated, which I've read many people have a fetish for?

I ask because my whole life I only thought of girls sexually until this fetish popped up. It started with me imagining my girlfriend cheating on me and getting turned on, and basically now has grown into a fetish of me being penetrated by a man in front of her (yeah that escalated quickly.)

The weird thing is, I can't really fantasize about men on their own. It's a bit easier to fantasize about women standalone, but most of the time my fantasies involve a guy and a girl., and the situation I just explained. It just seems a fantasy no straight guy would have, which is why I'm confused.

I can't tell if this fetish comes from repressed homosexuality, if I've sexualized a dumping/emasculation scenario that occured earlier in life, if I'm just a voyeur, if I'm bi, etc.

Any advice would be appreciated

 

Thanks for the quick reply LooseMoose.

In real life I check out women. I can recall maybe twice in my life when I felt aroused, or "checked out" a guy. In fact, I almost never think of men sexually when I'm out and about. I guess I worry that could be social conditioning though?

Romantic stuff, usually women. Especially kissing and holding. I've hooked up with men in the past, and honestly I tried to get into the kissing/caressing "romantic stuff" but I couldn't . I still got turned on by the other stuff, but my partners always wanted to kiss and hold while those did nothing for me.

However, I do enjoy that stuff with women. If I fantasize about a girl, it's usually pretty played out. I imagine what she looks , smells, tastes like, etc. I'll imagine a romantic setting like in a lit room or by water, imagine her whispering stuff in my ear, etc.

I've never found it arousing to look at male nudes, and I can honestly say never. You actually just hit on something else I was wondering about, whether or not it's the act and power dynamics turning me on, or the actual man. But no, I've never been turned on by male nudes. I've never even had a celebrity crush or anything like that. Well one time I thought Aragorn was pretty intriguing.

But to get to the fantasies, it's hard to tell. As far as needing her there, I guess not but I get much more turned on imagining her there. I do imagine her telling me to do these things, but you've hit on another issue I'm wondering about, is whether I'm just wanting her to "give me permission" because on an unconscious level, I haven't accepted I'm gay/bi.

 

On your last point, I had wondered if I just wasn't giving myself permission to feel the attractions. If I've been repressed my whole life, it's likely to have caused other issues like anxiety, etc. I know those issues can make it hard to get turned on, and knowing that I have already tried to give myself permission to check out guys, hook up, etc without thinking of any other social norms I've learned. And I get the same results as in my previous post.

But during the hookup, honestly it's never as much of a turn on as it is in my head. I even get close to backing out as the time approaches. But, I did enjoy the penetration aspect of bottoming. One time I topped a guy but watched straight porn during. But most of the time, penetration is literally the only part of homosexuality in general that I find appealing. I feel like I should say that given the choice, if probably prefer a girl with a strap on, but most girls aren't into that. Also, the little things you don't think if in fantasies bothered me during the act. For example, I didn't like the way he smelled, tasted while going down, didn't like kissing, basically anything except the penetration. And during the penetration itself I think I might be telling myself the narrative "this is what she was feeling."

Lol sometimes I wonder if I never got over the girl who left me for a bigger more athletic guy when I was. Like a freshman :eusa_doh:

Compared to being with women though, it depends. It doesn't compare to being with an attractive gentle girl who is skilled in the art of teasing in yoga pants. Compared to the loud aggressive girl who sounds like a porn star, it's better (not saying anything wrong with this, just my tastes.)

But honestly, I'd lean a little more toward women. I've always had anxiety so sometimes I wonder if the only reason I like penetration is because it feels like you aren't responsible for making the experience go well, you don't have to worry about looking good or going soft or any of that. I think I'd rather be with a girl if there wasn't always so much pressure to be the best, or you won't even get a call back.

Honestly, probably a little bit of bi phobia has me thinking I might be gay. I've failed to get hard with women before, but that has happened with men too. I guess I also thought I might be gay because of how far left field all these fantasies came from. I never had youthful attractions or anything like that. For this to come up makes me think previous life was just some big hoax?

 

Haha...I know right. I've been having them for about a year, but at first they didn't involve me and the other guy. Just her and him.

 

I've heard, that's what worries me is I don't want to waste somebody's time by accident if I happen to be one or the other. As for how I feel about being attracted to a guy, it would be....fine I guess? I just want to know which team to bat for. Of course, if I'm bi I'll never figure that out and it'll drive me mad, so that wouldn't be good either.

---------- Post added 17th Aug 2015 at 02:35 PM ----------

Or I could be straight with a fetish, I just can't tell :/

 

Ooh good one. I've never done that...but that's a good point. I'll have to try that.

 

Anyways I tried looking at just videos and pics of guys only but wasn't able to finish. I ended up having the same fantasy again.

Is it possible the shame is the turn on? When I try to let all inhibitions go and just be passionate with a guy, it totally kills the mood. It's almost as if knowing it was ok and not a bad move in the eyes of girls takes the "naughtiness" out if it?

I also had this fantasy before I fantasized about guys, I almost feel like my attraction to guys (if that's what it is) may have come from this fantasy.
I just don't get this fantasy. Wouldn't a guy who was gay fantasize about his boyfriend or crush cheating on him, not a girlfriend? But why do I need a guy in the fantasy? Bleh

Might just come out as bi and deal with the weird looks from both sides.