I am 37 and a gay male. I went over to a straight male friend's house last weekend and was hanging out drinking and after too many, we ended up making out and a little bit of oral. Let me be clear, HE started all of it; groping, caressing my face, blah, blah, blah. Long story short, we passed out and I left before he awoke. I texted later that I was badly hungover, nothing else. Haven't heard a word. I have NO experience where straight men are concerned and don't know how to proceed. I like him a lot and value his friendship. Would I be open to more? Yes. If he doesn't, that's okay, I don't want to lose his friendship. Is he bi? A closet case? I don't even know how to start that conversation... Should I wait for him to initiate contact? Should I initiate it? My initial thought was to not do anything, but now I am worried that if I don't, it could spell the end of our friendship altogether. Insights? Advice?
Communication never hurts. It lets you know where you stand. He might be feeling great shame, unable to deal with his inner self. Help him and find out. There might be a life long partnership at the end of the dark tunnel. Later
Straight men confuse me more than straight women, but like brainwashed said communication never hurts. Just tell him what you said on here, maybe leave out the bit where you wouldn't mind more. But the vaule of his friendship means more to you and you don't want to lose him. Once that bridge is crossed the others with fall into place if and when the time is right.
Ok, so I contacted him and we've hung out a few times. We have not discussed what happened. Last weekend, we ended up cuddling on the couch, ear nuzzling, cuddling. Alcohol was involved, of course. Our sober interaction is as normal as ever. I have to hide my excitement to see him, but I can see something in his eyes that is different. Anyway, I asked him point blank, several times while drunk, if he remembered what happened and he said yes. We went to sleep and I left before he woke up. This weekend he asked me over and we drank some and just went to sleep on separate couches. Again, I left before he woke up. I feel like such an idiot, but I need some guidance here. I don't know how to bring this up when we are sober or how to do it delicately, so as to not scare him away. I care about him a lot, but I have to get some kind of resolution to this for myself. Please help!
If he remembers what happened, and he still wants to get drunk with you (already knowing that the situation could lead to other things), I think he wants something with you. I don't know if it's just casual sex, or he wants something more serious. It's going to be kinda awkward, but you need to open up to him (if you're both sober, better!) and ask him where he wants to go from now on.
Well he doesn't sound straight to me. That said he may be feeling very bewildered about a great many things. I think you are going to have to be very patient and not push too hard. If you have a conversation with him you could tell him about EC.
I would be...*oh*, so wary here. If alcohol is involved in these encounters (and it sounds like it's involved in every single one of them), then either of you is able to allege non-consensual activity any time you feel like it. Does he know you identify as gay? This is critical, because if he does, *and* he decides (for whatever reason, including that he just decides he's done with you/this) to allege non-consensual sex, the fact that he open identifies as straight and the fact that you identify as gay will put you in a very bad position for arguing that it *was* in fact consensual. Ok, that's the legality. Now let's explore reality a moment. I suspect, as Zen says, that he's at least a bit bi-curious, or this would not be happening (and happening). But do not be his little drunken experiment. Be his deliberate experiment, if you both want to do that. But not his occasional drunken incidental experiment. The only way to get there is to get him to talk about his feelings about his sexuality and what you've done together *when he's sober*. Of course, this opens you up to said allegations of non-consensual sex...but you can decide how likely that is and whether it's worth that risk. So there are my thoughts about *him* exploring his sexuality and the role you might play in that exploration. There is also the question of your emotions. It sounds a bit like you're falling for him. This feels somewhere between dangerous and silly when *you have no idea whether he has any intention of exploring his sexuality*. Without additional communication, you're just opening yourself to a world of hurt. So be careful. Get clarification if it feels safe to do so. If it doesn't, my advice is to stop. Full stop. Between legal issues, your friendship, your emotions, and what could be his developing sexuality/awareness, there's just too much at stake otherwise.
