Omg. this is kinda hard to type.. but here goes nothing. OK first of all, My name is Raven and I'm a 16 yo girl. Only a few weeks ago I was watching Glee for the second time (lol) and I noticed that I was checking out the girls instead of the guys. My first thought was " oh crap.. what am I doing? could I be gay!?" And I just pushed that thought to the side and continued watching. (I don't have anything against gays, i actually ship gay guy couples on TV harrrd XD) anyway, a day or so later I caught myself checking out the girls again.. and that's when I really started to question myself. For the record, my whole life i was 100% sure that I was straight. I didn't even know people could be gay until i was old enough to watch reality TV lol, and I always only had guy crushes until.. the end of last year. I didn't realize it, but I had a crush on one of my girl friends. I had a boyfriend once.. (long distance) and we're still friends now.. but during the relationship I never felt.. like I really liked him that way.. i always felt like we would be better as friends. I mean, i know long distance relationships never work but.. still. When we were together, I had maybe.. 2 or 3 fantasies about us kissing but.. that was it, and after that my guy fantasies pretty much faded. (we were only together for 5 months) TMI below Lately I've been having frequent sexual fantasies of girls.. and it turns me on. *blegh* XD and i was taking this sexuality quiz that was asking me about "eating out a women" and "giving head to a man" so i googled it... oh LORD. I looked up the eating thing and i didn't read all of it but i was imagining 2 girls and i was super turned on. BLEGH XD then i looked up the giving head to a man thing and i was completely turned off.. LOL. so that was the biggest sign for me. I am still attracted to guys.. well, there faces.. and their bodies are... meh but i dont have as much of a desire to kiss them as i do for girls. and i think girls are a lot sexier than guys. ONE MORE THING! I think my family might be homophobic. Examples: My parents think its sad how some gay guys have high voices, and they hate when guys wear makeup... and my sister thinks that people choose they're sexuality -_-. My grandma said that if she saw 2 guys kiss that she would puke. It's not because of religion, they just think it's gross and they don't understand it. I don't think my parents would kick me out or anything if i came out.. but idk how they would feel about it. So anyways.. that's what's going through my mind.. :eusa_clap hope it wasn't too.. scattered. Have any thoughts/advice? I would really appreciate it! - Raven :smilewave
Wow, I see a lot of similarities here in comparison to the one I used to be in, a few things aside. I mean, what you've had to say sounds pretty solid and of course you know yourself better than anyone else. Sometimes, attraction can be different from feelings when actually dating (Like homoromantic for example) but it isn't always the case. I don't suppose you've ever dated a girl if you aren't out? Either way I sorta doubt it if you're more attracted to girls, and it's your attraction to figure out anyway. I just wanna be helpful if I can, heh. As for your family being homophobic, I'd say your grandma most definitely but that's much more common in older generations. The other members of your family may simply be ignorant/misinformed/poorly educated on the subject. They probably haven't researched the topic and have no plans to do so. I don't imagine anyone else has taken the liberty of informing them either, but family can be a bit scared of new ideas. I'd imagine your sister just needs some firm evidence otherwise. Ask her if she chose her sexuality. "When did you chose to be straight? Can you chose to like girls for a few days to show me I'm wrong?" but of course probably best not to be aggressive with it. Parents have probably been a bit too exposed to society's expectations of "masculinity" and not enough on other things. Err, hope I helped a bit, if at all. I know my advice sort of sucks sometimes but I'm happy to answer questions or whatever if it means I'm assisting. :icon_redf
Thx for the feedback! ---------- Post added 19th Aug 2015 at 02:46 AM ---------- Thanks for the advice Kira ;3
Hey Gleek99. Welcome to EC, first off. The questioning part of life can be difficult for people. I too am still working out my sexuality, but I'm pretty close. I hope the fact that your worries about your parents being homophobic doesn't stop you from looking into what your sexuality is. Best wishes. (*hug*)
