if the people don't mind i would like to write this all in low caps and i'm on mobile so typos will be disregarded by me because of the following sentence (also my grammar teacher will frown upon me if she sees this because i'm not going to be keeping grammar in mind too much) ok so i just want to vent? because this is all just really really tiring and i am 'questioning' so i haven't told anyone at all. i made a skout profile and deleted it because of the extreme anxiety i got from it. i told my mom i just saw a chain letter because i'm the girl with (not trendy) anxiety and stuff like that triggers me. ok so i'm young (this is my first post) idk if this shows my age but i just wanna tell ya guys that i am young (over 13 under 18) (this will seem so dumb if this shows my real age) (past tense) anyways it all started with the girl in my class (doesn't everyone's) so her name was let's say anne. she was bisexual and out but still insecure because biphobia is very real. and from the moment i met her i knew she was bisexual (nobody told me) and i grew very infatuated but i just thought it was because i was new and i desperately needed friends. so we joked around a lot, i always liked that about her i could joke around with stuff that wasn't really 'ladylike' (hate that word but) so yeah we really had great laughs and i always caught myself staring at her like all the time and i really just wanted to have something with her. and all that staring didn't go unnoticed by myself i thought about it so much, because as everyone here knows it's really scary to have the possibility of being something you never thought you were or would never think you were. so i became very sad and distracted. i had a panic attack once in the class i was with her because she wanted to sit behind me and the teacher wouldn't let her and she kept demanding and i just yelled 'just stay there' and yeah pathetic. so another day i came into the classroom and she was resting her head my friend was kind of consoling her and i went up to her and asked her what was wrong. she didn't talk to anybody except my friend (she had known anne for the longest time) (oh i forgot to say ^ that she gave me some innuendos that she was interested in me and my friend told me that she thought anne liked me) and so it turned out that anne was interested in a girl in the class (and that about shattered my heart) and the girl wasn't interested. as a human being i felt sad for her but also as a human being with feelings for her i felt a tiny bit hopeful and that is so malicious of me but i'm sorry. anyways that week she started to feel better about the situation and started to be very touchy-feely with me and that seemed like the best week of my short life yet. so one day she sat behind me and stretched her arms out so that they were touching my sides and i felt so many butterflies it was so great. and when she whispered something in my ear i seriously wanted to drag her to the bathroom and kiss her because my god. omg i'm so gay. ok so (to spare my "scarred heart" i will spare the details but) then she moved to another school. a military school where she could work on college credit for her future career. and i really don't know why i'm writing this just venting. which has helped me out a lot wtf i love this. ok well fast forward six months or so i am very attracted to other women/girls my age but i also find boys pretty and i can appreciate a good-built guy with a nice face but i don't wanna have a relationship with them? and i think about girls and i do want to have a relationship with them so i mean i know i'm not straight and i'm at least 99% gay but i just wanna know that it's ok for me to find boys pretty and it to be directed at me? (sing-song conceitedd) so yeah i guess that's the point of this to rant and i thank it so much because it truly helped me one more step towards really officially declaring myself a gay (is that an ok thing to say i'm sorry) ok so thanks bye :smilewave
I'm so sorry Anne moved to another school! That has to hurt so much, and I hope you're feeling better. Yes, it's totally normal to think boys can be pretty, but still not be romantically or sexually attracted to them. Some people call this aesthetic attraction. And don't be sorry about saying "a gay". It's not really a bad thing so say, but most gay people wouldn't say "gay" as a noun. It's more of a cishet thing to say, but if that's how you choose to describe yourself, it's totally okay! Hope I helped!
Yes, I'm still questioning my sexuality, but I still find it that I can acknowledge a boy is attractive more than I can find a girl attractive, however, I know I would never have sex with a guy. It's totally normal; there are types of attraction. This is how I define them. Aesthetic - acknowledging that someone is really attractive and appeasing to the eye. Sexual - having an urge to do sexual things to a person, or fantasizing about it Romantic - like a crush emotional - loving someone's personality. This could also be platonic. So sounds like you just find guys hot, which is normal. I'm sorry about what happened to you with Anne, it probably must be a really difficult thing. If my girlfriend had to move away, I would be pretty depressed. But, try to stay optimistic, okay? If you are having trouble or are depressed about it, you could always come and rant here. And by the way; people do take you seriously here no matter what your age for the most part. I hope I could help in some way!
